Page 38 of Deep Blue Lies

THIRTY-SEVEN

The next entry is January.

I flip back and read it again, trying to see if I’ve missed anything.

The last guy I can see that Mum was with when she conceived me – in August – was this guy Aiden .

And then afterwards, she mentions four guys – but doesn’t give their names.

So any one of them could be my father. Which means that, even with the best piece of evidence I could possibly hope for – a handwritten, first-person record of who Mum slept with – I still don’t know.

I don’t believe it. I literally don’t believe it.

I stop and cover my face with my hands, blacking out the world.

Is this all just a complete waste of time?

Am I doomed to fail here? It really is beginning to feel like it.

But then I think a bit more, and see I’m being hasty.

After all, there’s more to read, and once she realises she’s pregnant, then obviously she’s going to put in her diary who she thinks the father is. I mean, you would, wouldn’t you?

You just would.

So with that in mind, I keep going.