Page 72 of Declan

I envied them.

But more than anything, I felt like a piece of shit.

How simple it was to hold someone’s hand, but for many years—and still in some parts of the world to this day—gay couples were beaten or mocked for doing exactly that. It was more than holding someone’s hand. It was telling the world that you wouldn’t be silenced. That your love mattered.

I was a coward. Probably always would be.

“Ah,” Kyler exclaimed as he scrolled on his phone. “There’s a place that gives water sports lessons. Like fly boarding, wakeboarding, and all kinds of shit. You can also rent kayaks and stand-up paddleboards.”

It seemed like it’d been forever since I’d stalked Kyler’s Twitter page. Before I’d met him in person, I’d already known so much about him. Knew that he loved stupid memes and water sports. His page was full of pictures of him waterskiing and doing other things at the lake. He lived for the outdoors and adrenaline-packed activities.

“Where at?” I asked.

He chewed his bottom lip as he read something on the screen. “Says it’s on Kalafatis beach. Can we go?”

As his gray eyes focused on me, I knew there was nothing I’d deny him. He could’ve asked to go scuba-diving—which was a huge fear of mine that I’d never shared with anyone—and I would’ve agreed.

“Sure,” I said, loving the way his face lit up.

I caught Gideon watching me. Even behind the dark shades he wore, I felt the burn of his gaze. He was a lot more perceptive than I’d given him credit for, having figured me out long before. He was the only other person in my life besides Kyler who knew the truth about me. And he was fine with it.

The world wouldn’t be as understanding. Not that other people’s opinions should’ve mattered, but they did in a way. Mrs. Reese had made damn sure I knew how “wrong” it was to be gay. Fourteen years later, and her bullshit views still managed to affect my life.

Kyler’s leg nudged mine beneath the table, and I snapped back to the present. The smile that broke out across his face right then made my breath hitch in my throat.

“Don’t look so sad,” he said. His smile remained in place, but I saw the concern in his eyes. “We’re in the most beautiful place in the world right now. Cheer up.”

Two sides of me yanked at each other, fighting for control. Just like the game of tug-of-war Kyler had described before. My true self was crying out to be set free, but the side of me that feared that truth clung on tightly to the rope, as well.

I felt like I was being ripped apart.

“I’m not sad.” I returned his smile, once again playing a role. Confident on the outside and screaming on the inside. “I think I just need some water. Kind of dehydrated.”

Kyler nodded, but he didn’t look fooled by the act.

I refused to be a downer on our trip. Especially since I only had days left with Kyler. Then, I’d put all of this behind me and move on with my life.

An empty life as a cardboard cutout of the man I was supposed to be.