Page 51 of Daddy to Go

After work I didn’t stick around. I cleaned up and gathered my things and headed over to the address that Abby texted me. When I pulled up at the house, I was a little bit shocked to see where they lived. It was an older part of town, and I could tell it was the poorer part of town as well. The house itself was a large brick building with older fixtures and rusty metal railings running up to the front door. I wasn’t judging, and yet my heart fell seeing these environs.

Goddammit. I was going to fix this immediately. I already wanted to sweep Abby and Matthew up and bring them somewhere nice to live, with me. But how would that happen? I couldn’t just come barreling in and take them from everything they knew. So how would this work?

I climbed the stairs over the garage. This was where Abby lived? Over the garage? Wouldn’t my son be poisoned from car exhaust fumes? Resolute, I kept my thoughts to myself. I just had to hold my child in my arms for the first time.

I chuckled at myself, not out of humor, but out of pure shock. I still couldn’t believe I had a little boy. There was a small part of me that for the tiniest moment, questioned whether the boy was actually mine. Any number of things could have happened in this past year, and I’m a cynic. But as soon as the door opened and I looked at that little boy in Abby’s arms, I knew that Mattie was mine. Part of it was gut instinct, the connection I immediately felt with the baby. But the other part was the undeniable physical attributes that we both shared.

The boy had thick black hair, standing on end, just like mine used to do when I was a baby. And his blue eyes were striking. It was like looking into a mirror, albeit his gaze was much more innocent. I did see Abby in him too. The little nose, the rosy cheeks, and the contented, peaceful aura to him. That had Abby written all over it.

Mattie seemed to know that I was his father. He cooed with excitement, and as I reached for him, a small giggle arose and he was more than happy to come into my arms. I couldn’t even make it into the apartment without holding him close to me. The little boy was a warm weight in my arms, and as I gazed into his eyes, I fell in love. My heart spun, then plummeted, and I knew I was head over heels.

“We’ll don’t stand out in the hall,” Abby said. “Come on in.”

I glanced up, realizing I was still in the hallway. I walked inside holding Mattie, absolutely enamored. I heard her close the door behind us but it didn’t take away my absolute awe and shock at the little human staring back at me. I put my hand up and wiggled my finger. He reached up and grasped it tightly, giggling. I laughed and looked up at Abby who was standing there with her arms crossed, tears in her eyes.

I looked back at the little boy and my emotions grew turbulent. Thinking back, it wasn’t anger at Abby, but that’s how it must have sounded.

“Why didn’t you get a hold of me and tell me that you were pregnant with my child?” came my rough accusation.

Her eyes shifted up and the glaze of tears dried quickly. I could almost see her personality change in an instant. I knew in that moment I had said the wrong thing, but it was too late. The words were out, and I couldn’t take them back.

Abby tilted her chin up and gripped her hands next to her sides.

“I tried to get in touch with you. But if you remember correctly, you changed your phone number and my emails bounced back too. You didn’t tell me you were leaving, nor did you tell me where you were going. I tried to ask Dr. McNamara’s office but they wouldn’t release your personal information and I have no idea what staffing agency books you. You made it kind of difficult to get a hold of you.”

I lowered my voice and stared at her.

“Did you tell Dr. McNamara’s office you were having my baby? I’m sure they would have found some way to get a message to me.”

She rolled her eyes and shook her head. “No of course I didn’t. Who would do that? Um, I’m having a baby that was conceivedon this very exam table? You’d lose your medical license in about two seconds.”

I nodded letting out a deep breath. The girl was smart and I was really grateful for that.

“I absolutely violated medical ethics, you’re right, and that’s on me. And I appreciate your quick thinking because most women in your position wouldn’t even have been able to anticipate the consequences. I just never in my wildest dreams thought that something like this would happen.”

She stared at me and I could see the anger building inside of her. I was almost afraid to continue talking but she had it for me.

“You never thought I might get pregnant? Even though we never used contraception, and I was a virgin that first time?”

I looked down at Mattie, who cooed happily while gnawing on his hand. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my voice calm.

“No, I didn’t think of it because you’re not the type of woman I usually date.”

“Oh really?” she snapped. “And what is that woman like?”

I shrugged.

“She’s usually older. She’s been sexually active since she was fifteen, and has been on contraceptives for twenty years. Usually, she doesn’t even want kids, so that’s not an issue. I swear, Abby. Even if it sounds dumb in retrospect, I never thought that you might get pregnant.”

The woman looks like she’s about to kill me, but then she takes a deep breath, calming herself. I made use of the small pause.

“And he’s beautiful, Abigail. Mattie is absolutely perfect, and I wanted to say thank you for having my child. It couldn’t have been easy.”

She looks down, her cheeks growing red. I press my advantage.

“And you’ve made this apartment look really nice. I can tell that he has toys and everything that he needs. When you said that you had a baby, it never ran through my mind that I thought you would be a bad mother. I wouldneverthink that about you. You’re too kind and too sweet, and I’m sure you’re probably one of the best mothers out there.”

My eyes shifted up toward her to see what her reaction was, hoping my words at least soothed some of the hurt. However, Abby’s emotions were flickering back and forth, and when she looked up, I could see the fire had been lit again. Hell, I deserved it.