Page 49 of Daddy to Go

Her eyes shifted up toward mine and she started babbling.

“Yeah, me too. Sometimes it felt a little slow, but I’ve been really busy, so time flew by.Carpe diem!Seize the day, right?”

There it was. Shehadthought of me, but mostly in the negative. It was as if I was nothing but an interlude in her otherwise packed schedule. Dammit. If she only knew the impact she had on my life. How I was a completely changed man now. How every day I thought of her. How each and every minute I kicked myself for changing my phone number and being an ass, in general.

I walked over to the counter and put her file down, scanning through her recent visits. But then as my finger glided over the information, I stopped, my heart beginning to beat faster in my chest. This appointment wasn’t any normal appointment. It was a post-partum checkup.

My feet swiveled around as fast as they could move, and I tried to keep my calm.

“Abby, you’re post-partum? What the fuck? You’re a mother? You’ve had a baby since I was last here?”

She lifted her shoulders almost defiantly and twisted her hands in her lap. Her eyes shot away from mine and no words came out of her mouth. Holy shit. If she’s a mother…? My gut churned and I felt slightly nauseated.

I walked closer, like a tiger stalking its prey. “You’ve had a child? Recently? This past year?”

She licked her lips and took in a long deep breath, nodding her head silently. My eyes shifted down to the floor and I tried to think through it. My brain seemed to be completely twisted in different directions. Connections were made, but then they sparked and fizzled. I was surprised, confused, shocked, and everything in between.

Fuck. Chewing on my lip for a moment, my eyes shifted back up to hers. “You said you were a virgin when we had sex last year. As in, you’d never been with anyone else before me.”

Once again, Abby nodded. My feet began to pace. “Then, were you with someone right after me? Was it some sort of rebound thing? Were you getting over me? Or did you have someone else already?”

She took a deep breath and fiddled with the edge of her examination gown. “There was no one before you and no one since you, Ryder. You are the only man that I have ever been with.”

For some reason the words weren’t computing in my mind. It was like I was unable to understand plain English. Was she saying what I think she was saying? My mouth opened and I tried to find words, but they just didn’t seem to want to come out. Finally, I pulled myself together enough to let out a hoarse bark.

“Is the child mine?” I asked, knowing it was a stupid question. Yet I desperately needed to hear the answer from her mouth.

Abby stayed silent for a moment, looking almost fearful. Finally, she looked up at me, meeting my gaze with hers. She had a brave look on her face, one I can only imagine she had practiced a hundred times in case she ever saw me again. Then Abby took a deep breath.

“Yes, Ryder. You have a son. You have a little boy with your same blue eyes and blazing smile. No, he does not know who you are, because he isn’t old enough for that yet. And I didn’t think I would ever see you again.”

“I…” My mouth opened and I wanted to say something, anything, but my brain would not compute. “I have a son?” I finally managed in a choked voice.

She let out a sigh and stood up, walking over to her clothes. I turned from her, feeling the world spinning around me and out of control.A son. Abby had just told me that I was a father, something I didn’t expect, not in a million years. For some reason, it never occurred to me. I thought about a lot of outcomes, but this was not on my list at all.

Abby turned toward me and held up a picture of a little boy that looked just like the pictures of me as a baby. That did it, and the realization sunk into me hard and fast. My heart started pounding wildly in my chest, and I put one hand to my heart. It felt like I couldn’t breathe.

Leaning forward, I propped myself on the exam table and stared at the floor.A son. I had a little boy who looked just like me. Someone with my laugh, and my DNA. Did he like peanut butter but hate jelly? Would he like baseball games but detest basketball? My knees started to wobble and I grabbed at the rolling stool, taking a seat. Abby glanced over at me and turned back, putting her clothes back on.

I watched the curvy girl, my mind still trying to grasp this new reality. I met a beautiful woman, had the most amazing couple of weeks of my life with her, and my seed took hold, creating a child. We were parents now. This is the kind of news you give a man with a bottle of scotch and a really good chair. I was still trying to process while attempting to draw oxygen in my lungs.

In that moment, I wanted a hundred different things. I wanted to cry out in joy. I wanted to scream in anger. I wanted to lash out at Abby for not telling me sooner. I wanted to bring her close and hold her, while apologizing for my desertion. There were so many emotions flowing through me, so many questions, so many things I wanted to say. But right there, on that stool, none of them came to me. Nothing but shock consumed me.

“A baby,” I whispered in wonder. “What’s his name?”

She turned around and looked at me with caution. “Matthew.”

“Matthew,” I repeated to myself. “Why Matthew?”

She closed her purse and shrugged with a small smile. “I don’t know. I’ve always liked that name, I guess.”

I stood up, launching the rolling stool across the room. Abby drew back, surprised by my actions. But I knew what was happening. A possessive feeling coursed through my veins. Matthew wasmyson. He wasmyblood. I needed to be with him, and to lay my eyes on my own flesh and blood.

“I have to see my son,” I said in a grim voice.

She stared at me for a moment, slightly shocked. She stammered a bit, a mother trying to decide what the best thing for her child was. But finally, Abby let out a deep breath and nodded her head. “Alright. Of course. My phone number should be in my medical file. Call me when you’re done with work and you can come meet him.”

I stared at her, and Abby turned to go. But then she turned back and stood in the middle of the exam room, looking at me. “For the record, I didn’t hide him from you. I didn’t purposefully keep him a secret. I had no way to find you. No way to contact you. We’ve been here all along, in Farmington, getting through life on our own. So you can be shocked, you have that right, but don’t be angry at me. I’ve done the best I can.”