Page 46 of Daddy to Go

I raised my eyebrow. “I’m pretty sure I remember you talking about your ability to pick up men and calling it your ninja skills. So regretfully, I’m going to have to say no until she or he is sixteen.”

“Dammit,” she giggled tearily. “I really thought you didn’t listen to me when I talked. Fine, but I get to be the cool aunt. I get to give them cookies and sugar and take them to bouncy houses and then give them back to you. And I get to be the aunt that buys inappropriate baby clothes like this onesie I saw one time that said, ‘Gimme those tatas.’”

I started to laugh loudly, so thankful that Mary was in my life.

“Okay, it’s a deal. But you can’t cut a mohawk into my child’s hair until they’re old enough to ask for one.”

Mary groaned. “Party pooper.”

We both giggled loudly until it faded out into a silence. I felt oddly peaceful. There was so much that I didn’t know, and so many things to contemplate. I was overwhelmed and yet strangely calm too. It was a nice break from my recent emotional turmoil.

“Are you hungry?” Mary asked. “I can treat you to your favorite waffle place.”

I swallowed hard, still tasting the vomit in the back of my mouth.

“Maybe later tonight. We can do dinner or something. I just stopped throwing up so I want to make sure that it’s not going come back before I start putting waffles into my body. I think I’m going to take a shower and then a nap, and I’ll call you when I wake up and let you know how I feel.”

“Okay,” she said with her normal chipper voice. “And Abby?”

“Yeah?”

Mary paused for a moment. “You’re probably going to feel a lot of emotions in the coming days. I’m always here for you to talk to. I don’t want you to think that you’re ever alone.”

It was a sweet thing for her to say. “Thanks. And trust me I know I’m not alone. I just found out that I have a small human leasing my uterus for the next nine months.”

Mary laughed. “And your soul for the rest of time. Better you than me, my friend. I will love them, but only because I can give them back.”

I chuckled and shook my head, glad of the humor in this world. “I’ll call you later. Love you.”

She blew me a loud kiss before we hung up. In the silence of the bathroom, I glanced over at the pile of tampons scattered around the toilet, and the pregnancy test on the bathroom counter. I figured it would probably be a good idea to clean that up. I wasn’t really sure how I would explain that to someone if they came into my bathroom.

I put the tampons back in the box neatly, closed the lid, and put it away in the drawer figuring I wouldn’t need them for quite a while. I stuck the pregnancy test back in the box and looked back and forth unsure of where to put it. The trash wasn’t safe unless I took it to the dump and heaved it into the pit myself. Belinda has an uncanny sense for such things, and I was sure she would find it somehow.

But for now, I put it back into Mary’s drawer, figuring if nothing else, I could bribe my friend into saying it was hers. I knew though, that I was going to have to tell my mom at some point.

Lists started to build in my mind of all the things that I would need to do to prepare for a child. Telling my mom was just the tip of the iceberg. I was going to need a place big enough for the two of us, I was going to need clothes, diapers, strollers, cribs, and probably about a million other things that I didn’t even know existed for babies. I would have to scour baby registries for hours making a list of items.

Then there was the whole problem of money. I barely made enough money to take care of myself and I lived in a garage apartment that I paid next to nothing to live in. Add another person to that and I wasn’t sure that my call center job would support us. Then again, my mom did it and continued to do it. She’s been a single mom for a long time, and managed to raise me and Melody on her meager salary. If she was able to support us, then I could do it for my child too.

My child. That was such a strange concept. I felt like I was dreaming, and that nothing was real. My heart was already beating with love for the unborn baby inside of me, and without thinking, my hand slid over my belly and rested there. I wondered if the baby could tell that I was cradling it with my palm.

Staring in the mirror at my hand on my stomach, I felt a flutter in my chest. I whispered to the baby, hoping that it could hear me.

“I promise, no matter what, I’m going to give you the best chance that I can give you and I will love you more than anything in the world, always and forever. Love, Mommy.”

It felt a little cheesy calling myself “Mommy” just like that, but it was true. I was this child’s mother, and suddenly I wanted him or her with every fiber of my being.

22

Ryder

Ayear later …

“So, you know where everything is? The same nurses are still working at the office, and you’ll probably see most of the same patients,” Dr. McNamara explained.

“Yeah. It was a really smooth sailing last time I was here, so I’m glad to be back,” I said. “I was really happy to hear that you were calling to have me cover for your vacation this year. Go, have fun, get a tan, eat some lobster, and drink far too many margaritas on the beach with your girlfriends.”

She sighed. “Yeah, it’s kind of different when you’re divorced. Maybe I’ll meet a hot foreign man and never come back. I’ll just live on the beach and build a hut for privacy. You can take over my practice.”