Page 50 of Daddy to Go

I didn’t have the ability to respond, nor did she give me the opportunity. She turned and walked from the exam room, closing the door behind her. The click of the latch ricocheted through my mind and I knew she was right. I did everything in my power to disappear, and in the end, it only hurt me. It prevented me from knowing my son.

Plus, I felt like an even bigger douche, knowing the facts. While I was away, Abby was here, protecting, raising, and nourishing our child. She was planning a life for them without me because what else was she supposed to do? I made it seem like I wanted nothing to do with her. Was it true? No. But that was my way to make sure I didn’t get attached to anyone in life.

But now, what had my actions cost me? If I wanted see the world so badly, then why had I been absolutely miserable for the last year? Why did I struggle so hard, only to wind up back here, in Farmington?

And now this. A change that was blowing my mind. A child that I never expected but already felt as if I couldn’t do without. Those eyes in that picture reminded me of myself. Matthew was beautiful, reflecting both his mother’s grace and his father’s determination.

I had a son. A beautiful little boy. And he and his mother weremine.

24

Abby

Iwalked out of the doctor’s office, ignoring the receptionist’s words behind me. I was in complete and total shock. I stumbled through the parking lot and back to my car like a zombie. After sitting down in the driver’s seat and closing the door, I gripped the steering wheel with white knuckles. Never in a million years did I expect what just happened.

Oh my God, Ryder’s back!

Had I walked into some sort of time warp? Had I traveled to some other type of dimension? This was supposed to be an easy in and out appointment. I felt great. I had bounced back after pregnancy like I hadn’t just pushed a cantaloupe through a keyhole. Even my mother told me that I was doing a fantastic job, which for Belinda, was a huge thing.

Besides, I’d been doing so well. After I came to terms with the fact that I was going to be a single mother, I put the idea of ever seeing Ryder again out of my mind. I had to. The fact is that life moves on, and I had a baby to think about now. Nonetheless, staring at him face-to-face without proper warning and preparation had thrown me so far off track that I didn’t even know what to do.

After all, it’s clear Dr. Rivington is going to claim his child. Yet, is that what I want? Mattie is the apple of my eye. He’s everything that I need in my life. And yes, he looks like Ryder, but after a while, I stopped thinking about the man every time I looked at my child. All I saw was a beautiful little boy whom I had created, and who meant more to me than anything in the world.

My appointment was supposed to be with Dr. McNamara, so what the hell? Just like last time, the office didn’t inform me that I’d be seeing a new physician. They just plopped it on me, like it was business as usual. But I was stunned when Ryder walked into the room, almost to the point where I considered leaving immediately.

After all, I haven’t seen Ryder in an entire year. I had his son, but it’s been zero contact. In his defense, he didn’t know about the baby. But at the same time, that washisfault. I had never purposefullyly kept the pregnancy from him. When he left me, he cut off all communication. He even changed his phone number so that I couldn’t get a hold of him. There was really nothing I could do except move on.

So there I was, a year later with the cutest little baby boy. I loved him so much. And gosh darn it, but Mattie looks exactly like his dad. He has the same blue eyes and black hair and even the same goofy laugh that starts from his baby belly.

Ours wasn’t a fancy lifestyle, but it was full of love. The apartment may not be in the best area, but I made it colorful and homey. And between me, my mom, and my friends, my little boy had every toy he could ever want. In fact, at least once every few months I have to go through his toys and donate them to the needy. If I didn’t, Mattie would have nowhere to sleep because of the toys overfilling his room.

Plus, he was growing bigger, and becoming more aware of his environment day by day. His favorite place to be was his play mat during tummy time. He would stretch his legs out long and hold himself up by his arms and chest. His big eyes would look around the room and I would get a huge smile watching him. I was so proud to be his mommy.

Plus, I’ve been lucky. I’m still working at the call center, and they gave me full-time hours with corresponding health insurance and paid parental leave. It was like the universe smiled at me right after finding out I was pregnant.

Still, even with forty hours a week and benefits, we were barely getting by on my salary. My mom was still working overtime, trying to take care of my sister, and I didn’t trust Melody enough to leave Mattie with her. So I was paying an astronomical amount for day care, doctors’ appointment co-pays, and everything else that went along with life. It wasn’t easy, and some days I got really down about it, seeing how we struggled financially.

But then I would walk into Mattie’s room, and all my worries would evaporate. That’s when I felt grateful and happy, and at peace with the world. I never imagined that I would be a mother so young, or have to do it on my own, but life has turned out okay. I love my son, and even if it’s just the two of us, we’re happy together.

But now Ryder’s back. What does that mean for me and my son? When he walked into the exam room, the breath caught in my throat. He looked as amazing as always. His tall frame was fit and athletic, and I could see his muscular body move beneath his white lab coat.

It was crazy thinking those things, after what he did. But the perfect line of his jaw, the way he smiled, and the breadth of his chest made my heart go wild. I even caught a glimpse of the way he used to look at me, with those intense cobalt eyes that promised the world.

Sex leads to babies. Remember that,the voice in my head admonished.I tried to keep telling myself that over and over again as I watched him move around the room. He was so gorgeous, but then again, reality caught up, and the situation made me a little angry, not to mention bitter. Here he was, free as a bird and even more handsome, while I took care of his child. Somehow, Dr. Hot and Steamy always has the winning hand.

Plus, I felt so bad about my appearance. I was thirty pounds overweight after having Matthew. I had bags under my eyes from working so much, and I hadn’t even brushed my hair before I left the house. I had thrown it up in a messy bun on top of my head and my curls were a rat’s nest. Ryder was probably thankful that he dodged a bullet. I expected to be out of there in no time.

But then the bomb dropped. The shoe fell, and Ryder found out that he was a father. All I had been able to do was shake my head and say “yes.” The look of shock on his face, for some reason, made me feel as if I had done something wrong. But I know I haven’t. I’ve done everything right. I also knew in that moment, that he was going to claim his son. A possessive alpha male like Ryder doesn’t let things sit. He was here for Mattie.

So what do I do now? Am I going to lose my son to his father? Or can we figure out some situation that works for all three of us? After all, Ryder is a traveling doctor, so he can’t possibly take a baby on the road with him. Yet, staying in a small town like Farmington is his ultimate nightmare. So where do we go from here?

My fingers loosened on the steering wheel and I let them drop to my lap. I stared out the window of the car at the tree in front of me as nerves shot through my body. I don’t like surprises, and yet I realized right then and there my life was about to change dramatically.

25

Ryder

Iwon’t lie, I was incredibly nervous. I was still battling the realization thatI have a son. A little boy, who from pictures, looked exactly like me. Sure, it was unexpected, but there was no way I was turning my back on that little boy. All kinds of emotions ran through me. I was angry at myself, I was upset with Abby, I was shocked, and I was excited all at the same time. It was incredibly confusing.