Page 86 of CowSex

Our food arrives. The plate is huge. The rack of ribs is longer than one of my legs, the corncob is the size of my forearm, and the coleslaw is in a bucket I could fit my head in.

“Before I tuck into this, I need to text him back. I’m worried that he’s gonna be bald, beardless, and have drunk himself into a coma by the time I get home if I don’t. What should I say?”

“Ask him why he lied. He might be honest over the phone rather than face to face.”

I nod in agreement and type out the text.

Me:Why’d you lie to me? You must’ve known telling me that would hurt?

I add some honesty of my own, hoping it’ll encourage Koa to do the same.

I put my phone screen side down and tackle the dinosaur ribs in front of me. Lee has been kind enough to invite me out to dinner, so it’s time to give him some attention. I like him. He hasn’t been a dick about me banging on about Koa, and he’s given me some top advice.

We talk about all sorts, including his daughter, Charlotte, who’s fifteen and becoming a handful. I wish him luck with that and don’t even manage to eat even a quarter of what’s on my plate before I’m done.

We get our leftovers packed into to-go boxes and enjoy another beer before Lee insists on getting the bill.

I haven’t checked my phone yet. It’s made me twitchy not looking, but I want to wait until dinner was over.

Once we’re back on the road, I look.

Koa:I know it was a mean thing to do, but I wanted to hurt you. Childish, I know but you going with Lee tonight, yeah, I don’t like it, Essex. Not one little bit. Nothing against Lee, he’s a great guy, but I don’t want anyone taking you out.

Me:You take me out then.

Koa:We need to talk first.

Me:Pour me a wine and make sure that spa is nicely heated. We’ll talk when I get in, but you’ll have to ignore my Buddha Belly, I’ve just eaten a whole cow.

Koa:I can’t wait to see your Buddha Belly. I’ll be waiting. Impatiently.

Me:SYS xoxo

Koa:SYS xoxo? WTF does that mean? Is that a typo? Did you mean, YES TO HOT TUB SEX?

Me:No, Cowboy! I mean See You Soon. Kiss hug kiss hug.

Koa:Damn!

Me:Go heat the spa, I’ll be home soon.

Koa:Hot tub, Essex. It’s called a hot tub!

Me:You want me to come home to you, or go to Lee’s?

Koa:Home to me, Essex, always home to me.

Fuck me! This man will be the death of me.

“All good?” Lee questions.

“Not got a Scooby, Lee. Not. A. fucking. Clue.”

He chuckles. “Anyone tell you, you have the most adorable accent?”

“Nah, never. Anyway, I don’t have an accent, it’s you lot who talk funny, not me.”

We’re both quiet for a minute. The radio has been playing quietly in the background, but Lee must tap the volume control on his steering wheel because it suddenly gets louder.