Page 114 of CowSex

My nose stings. My eyes burn with unshed tears, and my throat feels tight.

“What if we both try really hard not to let you fuck it up, for her sake and for ours?”

“I’d like that.”

“I’d like that, too.”

“Get up here, woman.”

I put my wine glass down on the edge of the bath as Koa does the same. I straddle his lap and let him slide right into me. He rolls his hips and pulls me tight against his body. The damp hairs on his chest brush against my nipples, the desire to grind myself against him, too base to resist.

The fingers of one of Koa’s hands dig into the soft flesh of my arse, the others comb through my hair, dig into my scalp and bring my mouth down to his.

We kiss and move against each other, water splashes around us as we pant and groan.

He stands up with me still wrapped around him, steps out of the bath and carries me to his bed.

“This mattress is hard and uncomfortable, that’s why I prefer your bed, but I need to be inside you right now, so you’ll just have deal with it for a while.”

“Mattress, what mattress? All I can feel is you, Cowboy.”

And I can. Now that I know the reason for him never bringing me to this bed, I allow my brain to let go of everything and just enjoy the sensation of Koa’s body sliding in and out of mine. The feel of his teeth and hot mouth on my nipples, and the pressure of his thumb when he slides his hands in-between us.

“You feel so fucking good, Gracie. So good.”

I’m still straddling Koa, while he sits on his knees, we work together to move and gain friction and when the first sparks of my orgasm fire through me, he knows. He feels it, and he’s right there with me as I arch my back and allow myself to melt into him, to it, to us.

IPACE THE FLOOR OFthe cabin while waiting on Koa to get back from the airport with his son.

Aside from decorating his daughter’s room, we’ve both spent the last few days working on our own jobs. I’ve sketched and worked on the blog, and Koa has been into his office a few times. Because it’s closer to Aspen than here, they’re the nights he stays at the other house and has his daughter for overnight, mid-week visits.

I haven’t met her yet, although he’s been pushing for it. I’ve simply not been ready. I’ve listened to him on the phone with her, and their conversations make me want his babies so badly, but I’m still not sure if this whole thing is gonna end as rapidly as it started. What if I meet his daughter and fall as fast in love with her as I did with her dad?

If we crash and burn, it will hurt so much more if I also lose his kids. But, like it or not, his son Kai will be arriving any moment now, and Malia will be here Saturday morning. Time for me to swallow that bag of cement and harden the fuck up.

I pour myself a glass of wine, but it tastes like shit, my nerves apparently affecting my palate.

Koa’s been gone about two hours, which is the length of time he told me it would take to get there and back.

I have my music playing softly in the background. It helps soothe my nerves and stops my overthinking brain steamrolling over any productive thoughts I might attempt.

I’ve made a shepherd’s pie for dinner. Not sure if either of them will know what that even is, but who doesn’t like shepherd’s pie?

I pivot and stop pacing long enough to put the Yorkshire pudding that I always serve it with into the oven, and then I hear the rumble of Koa’s beast pulling up the drive.

I just get myself upright when they come through the door.

Koa smiles at me, he knows that I’m nervous and moves straight to my side while looking at the plates and knives and forks I’ve set out on the breakfast bar.

“Something smells good, Essex. I was gonna take us all out for dinner.”

“Oh—” My face must show the panic bubbling inside me over my fuck up. I didn’t ask what we were doing, I just assumed.

“Home cooked is always better, babe.” He kisses my temple as I watch Koa’s son enter the room.

He’s a man. Definitely not a child. And he’s the image of his dad. I get a lump in my throat while wishing that I’d known Koa when he was younger, as young as Kai, and that we had a history together.

Fuck, whatever is his kid gonna think of me?