Page 34 of CowSex

“You keep the grill in the house in England?”

“Well, yeah. Our ovens come with a grill function, and our ovens are in the kitchen, along with the fridge, freezer, and washing machine.”

“Your washing machine is in the kitchen? What the fuck do you put in the laundry room, just the dryer?”

“Most houses don’t have a laundry room, and if they do, we call it a utility room. If you have one, your dryer goes in there, if not, wherever you can squeeze it, but the grill is always attached to the oven and always kept in the kitchen.”

“Doesn’t that make things a little cramped? What about the smoke and the fire risk?”

I open my mouth to ask one thing but instead say another. “Show me your grill.”

Now he looks as confused as I feel but moves anyway. I follow him, and he leads me through the utility room, which contains an enormous top-loading washing machine and an almost identical dryer. Koa flips a light switch, and we step out a small door and onto a brightly lit, covered deck.

“It’s not the greatest, I have a better one at my other house I should have brought with me.” He holds out his arm and gestures towards an enormous stainless steel barbeque.

“That’s not a grill, that’s a barbeque.”

“Same thing.”

“No, a grill is something that’s part of your oven or a function built into your oven. That’s definitely a barbeque. If there were any Australians around, I’m sure they’d agree with me, Cowboy.”

“What the fuck is a grill function? You bake or roast in an oven, or you use the stove top to boil or fry. There’s no grilling, that’s what this thing is for, and that’s why it’s called a grill.”

“All right, chill out, Cowboy. No need to get your knickers in a knot.”

I’d forgotten the information the unreliable Alma-May had sent me that mentioned the cabin had all of this included and despite the fact that it was currently freezing, I couldn’t wait to spend time out here in the warmer months.

Something far more interesting than the barbeque/grill catches my eye.

“Ohhh, you’ve got a Jacuzzi. Does it work?”

“I’ve got a what?”

“Jacuzzi? Spa?”

I move towards it, pointing, so he knows what I’m talking about.

“Hot tub.”

“That’ll do. Does it work?”

“Far as I’m aware.”

“Cool. Can I give it a try?”

“It’s not set up for use right now. We drain it at the end of the summer, so it doesn’t freeze. If you really wanna use it, I can get it working, though.”

“Okay. Sounds good.” I shiver the words out.

“Now, steak? Was that a yes or no?”

“Yes from me, Cowboy.”

“Get your ass inside before you freeze then, Missy. I’ll get the grill warmed up.”

IPARTIALLY NUKE TWO BIGpotatoes before popping them into the oven to finish cooking. I find some frozen green beans, which I steam, and when everything is almost cooked, Koa braves the elements and goes back outside to ‘grill’ the steaks.

We work in virtual silence and then sit down in front of the huge flat screen television and roaring fire to eat our food from the plates balanced in trays on our laps. Koa has kindly cut my steak into thin strips so that I can eat it with one hand.