Page 68 of CowSex

“Yeah. Sorry. I just thought while you were gone….” I bit my lip again, trying to stop the smile before it starts. “I left the door open, hoping you’d join me. I found a sexy playlist and everything.”

“Playlist?”

He not looking happy, but I explain anyway.

“Yeah, on Spotify. “Music To Fuck To” or something. It’s probably still playing. Anyway. That’s why I didn’t hear you.” I roll my lips back between my teeth because I still can’t trust myself not to giggle. “Are you all right? No permanent damage, is there? Nothing froze and fell off?”

He sips his drink and looks over the top of his glass at me.

“You think this is funny, Essex?”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” I practically shriek as I finally start to laugh loudly. “Gives a whole new meaning to blue balls, Cowboy. Yours probably literally were blue. The rest of you was when I opened the door.” I cackle.

He continues to stare in silence. Not smiling and definitely not laughing.

“You want me to check your dick didn’t drop off? I’m not sure I could see it when you sat down. Maybe I could blow on it? Give it the kiss of life?” I offer.

“My dick’s okay, just feeling the effects of the cold.”

“Just think, while you were out there, you quite literally were dying for a shag.” I crack up with laughter again.

“Glad you find this so amusing, Essex.”

“Oh come on, Cowboy, it’s fucking hilarious. Who in their right mind would go outside in this weather, naked, except for a pair of boots?”

I’m rambling. And still laughing. Koa’s still staring at me.

“You ever think about becoming a nurse?” he asks randomly.

“Me? Fuck no.”

“Good, because your bedside manner’s shit.”

I try. I really do try. But the giggles have got me, and I have to put my now empty wine glass down on the coffee table so that I can wipe the tears from under my eyes.

I eventually manage to calm myself, and we both remain silent as I top up my wine. The fire is once again roaring with life, the flames giving off a yellow-and-golden glow.

“So, did you find one then? A condom I mean?”

“Nope.”

I nod, not really sure what to say. I s’pose the moment has passed anyway. Koa’s phone rings from where it sits next to his empty beer bottle from earlier, and he leans forward and picks it.

His phone is some crappy old flip type thing that must date back to the nineties, and I wonder how he survives without the modern convenience of a smartphone. I run my life and my business from mine, couldn’t be without it.

He continues glaring at me as he takes the call. “Carmichael.” His eyes widen and then close for a long moment. “Hey, Lexi.”

My red wine suddenly tastes like acid and begins to bubble in my stomach.

“I’m actually out of town, well, I’m in Addison.”

He strokes his beard with those long, slightly calloused fingers of his, no longer looking in my direction.

“Um, that’s probably not such a good idea right now.” He stands, holding the blanket around him and his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he scoops his jogging bottoms from the floor. He doesn’t look back at me before he strides from the room.

I gulp down my wine and focus on the sensation of it eroding my insides, it’s so much better than acknowledging that Koa just left me sitting here to talk on the phone to another woman.

I feel hurt and humiliated. What the fuck am I doing here? I know I agreed to no-strings, casual sex, but this is the exact reality check I need to prove that I can’t do it. It’s just not in me.