Page 97 of Conquered

Except for the ringing in my ears, for the first time tonight, there's a beautiful cathartic silence. Lost in thoughts of taking flight, of freedom from this life, I startle with a gasp when a hand lands on my shoulder.

I look up to see Ash’s pain filled eyes, my hands dropping at my side, the gun still locked in my grip. He's started doing what he can to protect us from all this shit, even though I can see it tormenting his soul. The darkness is slowly eating him from the inside out, and soon nothing will stop him, us, from becoming the monsters that they've started training us to be.

I hear a thunderous clap mocking the peaceful silence, and I look up to see my father gliding from his seat in the corner, striding closer to me, a look of pride on his face. A warmth runs through me at the look of approval and I suddenly feel sick.

“I'm impressed, son,” he says in his gravelly voice. “To be honest, I didn't think you had it in you.” He laughs cruelly, clapping me on the back. “I'd even considered having to train up one of your sisters when the time came, but a shot right in the middle of his forehead! Beautifully done.” He's smiling at me, and I think it might be the first time that he has smiled at me and spoken nicely to me my whole life.

“Good work, boys,” Julian Vanderbilt says, before turning on his heel and going towards the basement stairs, the other three men following behind like loyal sheep.

“What do we do with…” Ash asks his back, indicating the body.

Julian pauses. “I expect you to clean up your own mess. Take out this trash, and do it right. If there is any evidence left...there will be consequences,” he tells us sharply, his eyes cutting before heading up the stairs with the rest of them.

I'm still holding the gun, my hand shaking slightly. My head whips up when I hear Kai's groan. Jax has stripped his shirt off, pressing it to the bleeding wound in Kai’s shoulder, Luc standing there helping him apply pressure.

My eyes flit back to the dead man in the chair in front of me. I feel a sense of relief that it's done. That he's free from pain. That I was the one to free him. Then I remember that he's someone’s father, husband, or brother. Bile rises up my throat, my knees go weak, and I stumble forward.

Ash catches me, and when I look up at him, I can see the mantle that settles on his shoulders. He’s the oldest of us all, yet still only fourteen. Ghosts haunt his eyes, and his responsibilities age him, making him seem so much older.

“Jax, Luc, help Kai upstairs and call our doctor. Wait with him, and make sure he understands the term confidentiality,” he orders, and they both start helping Kai up.

His grey gaze turns down to me. “Loki. Give me the gun.” I automatically snap to his command, my hand holding it out to him before my brain registers the movement.

He takes it, then goes over to the shelving on the back wall, and picks up a bottle of spray. I see the words ‘DNA safe’ on the front. Ash sprays the gun fully, then places it in a zip-lock plastic bag which he seals after.

“Ash…” I croak out, my voice sounds far away like I'm miles from this cursed basement. “What about…”

I can't bring myself to finish the sentence. Ash knows what I'm referring to, his hard eyes looking past me to the guy in the chair.

“We need a clean up crew…” he says, thinking aloud, biting his bottom lip.

“I’ve overheard my dad talking about his crew once…” Jax suggests, pausing at the base of the stairs.

“No, we need our own,” Ash responds firmly. “We can’t leave it to chance with those cunts.” We know who he's referring to. Our fathers, Kai's uncle.

“I could call Enzo from the gym?” Jax asks. Enzo runs the boxing gym downtown. It's rough, but clean, and Enzo has been more of a father to Jax, to all of us, than ours will ever be. We trust him with our lives.

Ash thinks for a moment, then nods.

We hear Kai's sharp inhale as they head up the stairs. I'm still standing there, feeling a sense of unreality, the whole room in hyper focus. Like, this can't be actually happening. I can't have just shot a guy after we beat him to a bloody pulp.

“Hey,” Ash says gently, and I look up. “Loki, I'm...shit...what a fucking birthday,” he says, his grey eyes full of concern.

Yep. Happy fucking fourteenth.

Iwake up with a jolt, gasping and covered in sweat from the nightmare. Only, is it still classed as a nightmare if it's a memory? I don't fucking know.

I lay there in Kai's bed, trying to breathe normally, when a feminine scream rents the air in two, making my heartbeat skyrocket again.

Kai sits up with a start, rubbing his eyes before reaching over and putting his glasses on. We then hear the soul destroying sobs, and my heart shatters into thousands of sharp, tiny pieces.

“I don't know how much longer I can take this,” I say into the dark, my voice breaking. I feel on the verge of tears myself.

“Me either,” Kai says back, his own voice desolate.

The sobs subside to whimpers, then eventually stop.

“When she hurts, I hurt, Kai,” I say softly, just above a whisper.