Page 202 of Conquered

“Thank you. For this, and the granola bars yesterday,” I tell him, a feeling of lightness descending over me. I love that they take care of me.

I know that in this day and age of feminism and equality between the sexes, it’s not necessarily the most popular view, but there’s something about being cared for by a man, or in my case four men, that feels right. Like it’s meant to be this way. And anyway, we look after each other, just in different ways.

“It’s my pleasure, darling,” he replies with an upturned face, his beautiful smile lifting my spirits further. There is still that darkness in the depths of his eyes, like something is eating away at him from the inside. A fissure of worry skitters through me.

“I’m sorry we weren’t here yesterday, Princess,” Ash says to my left, and I turn to face him, my heart beginning to race as I suddenly remember why they were gone.

“What happened? Did you have to…” I trail off, swallowing hard, unable to finish my sentence. Ash grimaces, pausing with his coffee cup partway to his plush lips.

“No, just usual training stuff, and a meeting afterwards,” he tells me, and I just know that there’s more to it. I want to know what the meeting was about, but I want to find out about their training first.

“What does your training entail?” I ask hesitantly, watching him intently. His face starts to shut down, then he sighs, closing his eyes and setting his cup down.

“Well,” he starts, opening his lids and locking me in his steel gaze. His brow is wrinkled, his hands clasped on the table, his cheeks tight with the force of his clenched jaw. This isn't easy for him, and my heart aches for this strong man who's seen such horrors. “There’s the usual self-defence and offence training,” he tells me.

“Basically, we learn how to beat the shit out of people,” Loki interrupts, Ash snapping his head towards the redhead and snarling. “Don’t fucking sugarcoat it, man. Just tell her, she can handle it,” Loki argues, looking my way with a small smile as he says the last part.

“Hey,” I say gently, resting my hand on Ash’s arm which is vibrating with tension. He turns to look at me, his eyes pained. “I will not think any less of you, my love. Or any of you,” I tell them, looking at each one in turn. “I love you. It’s a forever kind of thing,” I joke, loving the stunning smile that graces Ash’s lips once I look back at him.

“Loki’s right, we learn to beat people up. As you know already, we extract information from them and often have to get physical. So we practice to prepare, andtheylike for usto keep up with our skills,” he practically spits out. “We also have different roles that we train specifically for. Loki specializes in stealth and espionage, blending into different situations seamlessly.”

I can’t help my snort at that, Loki being subtle is not something I’d imagine him capable of. He looks at me, with one auburn brow raised as if to remind me of exactly how stealthy he was last night, and my cheeks heat with the memory of waking up with him pushing his way inside me.

“Jax trained in South Africa, learning how to patch people up in appalling conditions, so that he can better...” Ash pauses here and swallows.

“Torture people,” Jax simply states, his low voice sending shivers across my skin as always, although not just the usual lust filled ones. I look to see his blue eyes are hard, no doubt remembering all the pain that he’s doled out over the years.

I reach across and grasp his huge hand, giving it a squeeze. His eyes brighten, a small tilt of his lips letting me know that he received the message of acceptance and love I was trying to give. I don’t blame any of them for what they’ve been forced to do, forced by the very people who should have been protecting them.

“Kai specialises in tech, as you know,” Ash carries on, and I study Kai, who gives me a tight smile. “He’s trained in online warfare, hacking, and pretty much any way to take someone down, ruin a life or business, all from the comfort of home.” I give Kai a reassuring smile, and he nods in return. But his deeds clearly trouble him too as I see his jaw is clenched and hands are nervously picking at the food on his plate.

“And you?” I ask, turning back to Ash. His jaw is steel, rock-solid, his stare faraway, avoiding eye contact.

“As our leader, Ash has to make hard, impossible decisions, and they test his commitment regularly,” Loki once againinterjects, his voice full of pain for his friend, and Ash’s eyes go dark, his brow furrowed.

“Like what?” I whisper, my mouth going dry as my grip tightens on Ash’s arm.

“Like whether someone lives or dies,” Ash tells me, voice lacking any emotion, his eyes empty and staring just over my head, like he’s recalling all of those lives he’s been forced to take.

Tears sting my eyes as I let go of his arm, and use both hands to guide his attention back to me. His grey eyes find mine, and they are haunted, full of ghosts that no eighteen year old should have following them around.

“I’m so sorry, my love,” I murmur, feeling moisture spill down my cheeks. His whole face softens, his own hand reaching up to wipe away my tears with his long pianist fingers.

“Don’t cry, Princess. Please. I can’t bear to see you cry over me,” he pleads huskily, leaning down and placing our foreheads together.

“I told you, you are worth every tear of mine, Asher Vanderbilt. You all are. My tears are not mine anymore but yours, as the rest of me is yours.”

He takes a sharp inhale, his large chest rising, and I know that it will take time and persistence for him, for all of them, to believe that they are worthy of my love. I will tell them a thousand times a day if that’s what it takes. Closing the distance, I place a gentle kiss on his lips, tasting the salt of my tears mingled with the coffee that lingers on his. He kisses me back, his whole body relaxing as he seeks entry with his tongue. I willingly give it, loving the taste of him in my mouth as we explore each other, like discovering a new place just off a well known path.

He ends the kiss with one last sweet peck on my lips, pulling away and looking more at peace than he did before.

“I love you so much, Lilly,” he confesses, staring into my eyes with such intensity, I know that I should be scared. But I’m not. I meant what I said. We are a forever type of thing. “Now eat up, otherwise, we’ll be late for our first day back.”

I begin to cut into my pancakes, heaping my fork with eggs and bacon too, and moaning when I place the food in my mouth.Fucking yum!

We finish breakfast in a comfortable silence, although I do catch the others giving Ash funny looks every so often. After the fifth time, where Jax actually elbows Ash in the side, I turn to face the man in question.

“Out with it, Lucifer,” I tell him, his lips quirking at the nickname. He sighs, setting his own cutlery down.