Page 135 of Conquered

His hands tighten on my waist before he wraps his massive arms around me, pulling me even closer to him. I love his fresh warm lemon scent, I don’t think that I’ll ever get enough of it.

These guys are definitely turning me sappy.

“I love you too, Lilly Darling. And I’d give up the world for you,” Jax confesses in a rumble above me, my head tucked tightly under his chin.

I can feel his heart beating in his chest, its sound a soothing melody. Jax has a way with words, he says things so simply, but with such a depth of feeling that I can feel their truth in my bones. In my very soul, like he brands me with each word that falls from his lips.

The lights are dim and the film starts, and I can’t help asking him, “Why did you start taking them, Jax?”

His body stiffens underneath me for a moment, he knows what I’m asking about. Then a long breath leaves his lungs on a sigh.

“My dad is a weak, pathetic man,” he starts his deep, rumbling voice a whisper, and I can hear how much he hates him. “But unfortunately for me and my mom, he was also a strong man. When I was a child, I vowed to one day be stronger than him,” he tells me as the opening credits begin to roll. “And now I am.”

Once again I’m appalled at the guys’ parents. Although, why I am surprised by anything they do anymore is beyond me.

“I’m so sorry, Jax,” I whisper, hating the useless words. His arms tighten around me and I burrow closer.

“The roids helped to get me bigger quicker, and I guess I became addicted to that feeling, of being the biggest,” he explains into the darkness. I can see Loki and Kai paying attention, their bodies still as they listen to our hushed conversation whilst watching the film. His jaw is tight, fists clenched.

“Oh, Jax,” I murmur, my heart bleeding out for him, and what he’s done to himself in order to keep those he loves safe. My hand caresses his chest, my palm gliding over the bare skin and tracing the tattoos on his firm pec.

“I’m scared that I won’t be able to protect everyone if I stop,” he admits, voice barely above a whisper, and my heart shatters.

I sit up and move so that my knees are on either side of his hips, my hands gripping his face, lifting it up to look into those stunning eyes.

“Jax, we protect each other. You don’t have to do it alone. Not anymore”

His eyes are swirling with so many emotions, it’s hard to keep track of them all. He lets out another deep breath, closing his lids.

“I don’t know how to get off them. To let go,” he says, hanging his head, his voice tired, like he is exhausted by it all.

“I’ll help, and I’m sure the others will, too.” I bring his head back up, his eyes opening again, and this time, there’s a shred of hope in the blue depths.

“You’re too good for us, Baby Girl,” he sighs out as his hands come up around me, pulling me close and placing a kiss over my heart. “But we’re too selfish to let you go.”

We hold each other for a time, our hearts beating to the same rhythm, our breathing synchronised. Eventually, I snuggle down in Jax’s lap, my feet resting in Loki’s, and I drift off surrounded by their warmth and love.

ASH

“Again!” my father’s voice barks out from across the room, his voice stinging like a whip.

Sweat drips into my eyes as I bounce on my toes, fists raised, not daring to let them droop, even though we’ve been at this for hours now.

John gives me a slightly apologetic look, before nodding to his guys that surround me. He knows the drill as well as I do, we’ve been training together at my father’s behest for years now.

I feel the rush of air to my left and duck, just as one of the guys throws his fist at my head. The next several minutes are lost to the violence that surrounds me, the swing of fists, the meaty sound of those same fists making contact.

“Enough!” my father roars and we come to a sudden halt.

I sway slightly on my feet, breathing hard. I didn't do too badly considering the odds are five to one.

“Pathetic. Just like the waste of space your brother was,” he sneers at me, his lip curled. My fists involuntarily clench at my sides, the only outward sign of the rage that his comment elicits in me.

He’s perfectly put together, in slacks and a turtle neck cashmere sweater, and even though it’s hot in our home gym, he doesn’t have a single drop of sweat on him.

He’s a fucking devil in disguise. An evil motherfucker who hides behind smiles and charm. But he’ll gut you and play with your innards just the same.

“You can go, John,” he commands. “Bring better men next week.”