Page 230 of Conquered

A gasp leaves my lips when my baby,ourbaby, suddenly appears on the screen as if it’s right in front of us.

“Fuck,” Loki breathes, dispelling the tension in the room and making the doctor and midwife chuckle. “Sorry,” I hear him apologise, but my gaze is fixated on the screen, watching our baby twitch and turn.

I feel a hand stroke my hair, before lips press a gentle kiss on the top of my head, his ginger scent engulfing me in warm comfort.

“It’s our baby, Ash,” I whisper, my eyes stinging as I continue to stare at the wriggling baby on screen.

“It’s perfect, just like its mother,” he murmurs, and a tear escapes my lids, leaving a wet trail down my cheek.

And then it hits me with the force of a mack truck.

I’m going to be a mother.

My breath stills as the thought settles its heavy weight in my very bones.

I am going to be a mother.

A slight panic begins to flutter at the edge of my vision, the idea of being responsible for another being scaring the absolute shit out of me.

“Hey,” Ash whispers, gripping my jaw gently and turning my head away from the screen so that I’m gazing into the depths of his grey eyes. “You will be a wonderful mother, Lilly Darling, soon to be Vanderbilt.”

He gazes deeply into my eyes, willing me to believe this truth. And although I’m still mildly terrified -yep, that’s a legit phrase and makes complete sense!- the weight on my chest lessens until I can breathe deeply again. Then the last part of his pretty speech registers.

“Hang on, I never said I was going to change my name,” I hiss out, partly outraged at the assumption, partly preening at the idea of being Mrs. Vanderbilt.

“No wife of mine will be anything less,Darling,” he informs me with his signature Ash-hole smirk. I narrow my eyes at him, deciding not to start an argument, especially when I’m not actually that objectionable to the idea.

“Well, that’s us done here. All is normal and expected,” Dr Arnold tells me, using a paper towel to wipe off the gel on my stomach. “Would you like some pictures?”

“Yes!” Loki blurts out, and we all chuckle then, an adorable blush covering his cheeks as Jax claps him on the shoulder whilst grinning.

As we exit the building, pictures of our baby safely tucked in pockets, I take hold of Kai’s hand, drawing him back from the others who go ahead towards the parking at the rear where the truck is.

“Are you okay?” I ask him, biting my lip as I take in his red eyes and downturned features.

“Yeah…No, shit, I don’t know, Lilly. Sorry,” he says in an exasperated tone, a hand coming to rub the back of his neck. “Itwas just seeing that baby, your baby. It’s so innocent, so pure, and I guess it just reminded me of all that...”

He looks up to me, his gaze pained and full of guilt all at once. My soul aches for him, and I just want to take his pain away, throwing it to the four winds.

“Hey,” I say softly, stopping us and cupping his jaw with my palm. It’s slightly rough with stubble, and although it makes me worry that he’s not his usual meticulous self, I can’t help but like the rough look on him. “First off, it’s our baby. All of ours, you included. And secondly,” I continue, willing him to believe me, “it’s okay to feel sad, resentful, and anything else. All your feelings are valid, Kai. This is a crazy situation, and it’s bound to be difficult, and dredge up things from the past. Things that you’d rather forget.”

A single tear trails down his cheek, and I use my thumb to wipe it away, even as my own eyes fill.

“You need to let this burden out soon, my love,” I whisper, watching as he closes his eyes briefly, tipping his head back, my hand still cupping his cheek.

“I know,” he whispers back, his voice broken and bone weary. He tips his head forward again, looking at me with desperation in his eyes. “I’m so fucking scared, Lilly. I’ve been keeping it in for so long, and I don’t know how to let it out.”

“Oh, Kai,” I choke out, pulling him to me and wrapping my arms around him in a fierce hug. I want to say something, anything, but no words come. Instead, I just hold him close, trying to show him how much I love him.

I just hope that it is enough.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

LILLY

Several days later we’re sitting in our dorm, studying on the sofas. Kai is next to me, tapping away at something uber complicated on his tablet, whilst I try to study for our latest Shakespeare assignment. We’re looking atMacbeththis term, and it’s not exactly a play full of rainbows and sunshine. Ash is on his chair, well, sofa, but he always sits on it, usually alone, and Loki is on the floor, flipping through some textbook. Jax is on the other sofa, his notes spread around him as he looks up something in a huge book, which looks like some kind of medical journal.

My phone buzzes beside me, and I pick it up to see a text. My heart stops as I see who the sender is.