Page 94 of Conquered

“I...I know,” I say, still backing up, my movements jerky and body tense. “I just need some time. I–I need to think, to process everything you just told me.”

Run! Get out of there!My mind begs me.

And then I turn tail and flee up the stairs, my heart racing, my pulse drumming in my ears. I hear Jax roar, the sound making me jerk in my flight, my steps coming faster. Then the crash of furniture and smashed glass sounds behind me, as I finally throw open the door to a spare room, slamming it shut once I’m inside. Sliding down to sit on the floor, I break into a million pieces that scatter out into the darkness.

KAI

I watch with a heavy heart full of agony as Lilly flees the living room, leaving hopelessness and destruction in her wake.

I look up as my brothers fall apart around me, feeling utterly hopeless. There's not a single thing I can do about it. Nothing I can do to help, or ease the pain that is tearing through all of us at her rejection.

Jax reacts with his usual violence, throwing his glass in the fireplace, making the flames roar up the chimney, before he upends a table, smashing it to pieces all the while bellowing like a wounded lion.

Loki looks after her, his whole body shaking, and I can see the glisten of unshed tears in his eyes. On his face is a lost look that breaks my heart more, and a flash of worry dries my mouth at what path he will go down now. Things weren’t great beforeLilly came here. He was taking too many drugs, drinking until he passed out and coming home with a different girl almost every night. I don’t want to see him like that again. I can’t bear it.

And Ash. Well, Ash retreats into himself as he tends to do, his body stiff and his face hard as stone. It's only then that I realize with a jolt, that he'd begun to emerge at all.

I sit here, not knowing what to do to fix it. I am usually good at fixing things, but I'm all out of ideas. And hurting just as much as my brothers.

“Shouldn't we have told her the full story?” Loki asks the room, still staring up the stairs. His voice is rough, scratchy with sadness.

“Why?” Ash sneers, his upper lip curling. A classic defensive move for him and I ache to see it. “You saw her, she could barely fucking look at us as it was. It wouldn't have made any fucking difference, Loki.” He ends on a sigh, like he's given up already.

“We were fucking fourteen! Still kids! And we had no fucking choice!” Loki, the calm playful one of us, suddenly roars. He's gotten up in Ash's face again, squaring off against him, and at least he’s shed some of the hopelessness, even if he’s replaced it with rage. I can see Ash bristle, his fists clenching by his sides.

“Well, go on then,” Ash says in a deadly calm voice, that lets me know he's close to losing it. “Go upstairs, and tell her that we're murderers too. I fucking dare you.”

“We had no choice,” Loki bites back, and I can see that they're moments away from trading blows.

“Doesn't matter. We still killed a man, the rest is semantics,” Ash counters in that same unemotional tone.

Just as I think Loki is gonna go for him, and I’m wondering if I’m going to need to stop him, Jax gets between them.

“Enough,” he says in that gruff voice of his, placing a hand on each of their chests. “Us fighting doesn't help anything.”

“Well, what do you suggest,big guy?” Ash asks Jax scathingly, his eyes narrowing to slits. He's lashing out because he's hurting. It's how he copes with pain. And he’s had more than his fair share of that over the years.

“We give her time,” I say simply, but loud enough that everyone hears and turns to look at me. “She'll come around.”

“How do you know?” Loki asks me, voice small and uncertain, yet there’s a shred of hope in there. A dim light in his eyes.

“Because she needs us as much as we need her,” I reply, hoping with my whole being that I’m right.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

LILLY

Idon't sleep at all that night, tossing and turning, covered in sweat with visions of blood soaked hands, and monstrous devils plaguing my dreams.

I'm still reeling from the news the guys shared with me. About what they are forced to do for their company. What the hell kind of company expects that from its own children?!

How can I get past the fact that these guys, my guys, have hurt people so brutally?

The fact that they've spilt blood...it's barbaric. I'm suddenly awash with anxious apprehension all over again, bile touching the back of my throat.

A piss. I need a piss. And a shower. Definitely a shower. I'll think about this all later.

I head to the en suite, gently shutting the door. I don’t want them to know I’m awake. Not yet.Hurts Like Hellby Fleurie plays on my phone that I’ve left on the counter. It suits my sombre mood, and the searing pain in my heart at the thoughtthat I've lost my guys, lost parts of myself that I didn’t know were no longer inside of me.