Page 153 of Conquered

“I fucking love you so much, Lilly,” he grins, his hand passing over my flat stomach, before he stands up and stretches, giving me an uninterrupted view of his perfect peachy arse.

Back in February, I thought that I’d never be happy again. My whole world had caved in with my mother's death, and I was so full of grief I couldn’t see straight.

Yet, here I am, spending my first Christmas without Mum, but far from alone, and with someone who loves me and cares about me. I’m happier now than I think I’ve ever been, and, although I feel a stab of guilt at being happy without her, it’s less than what it once was. These guys have changed my life completely, and I think that I might be changing theirs, too.

“Coming?” Loki drawls, reverting back to his joking self, breaking into my thoughts, and I look up to see a shit eating grin on his angelic face. “Again?” he winks, and I laugh joyously, getting up and heading into the shower with him.

It’s a magical day, full of joy and laughter. I never expected my first Christmas without Mum to be so wonderful, but I can’t help the guilt that tries to creep in when I realise how much fun I’m having. Apparently, according to Kai, it’s survivor's guilt, and it’s perfectly normal. It still hurts like a bitch when I remember that she’s not here, and the fact that I’ve forgotten my grief for even a second, makes me feel worse. Not to mention the slight worry about what happened this morning.

“I never met your mom,” Loki says gently from beside me on the sofa, whilst the girls play with their new things upstairs, “but I’m sure she would have wanted you to be happy and not spend Christmas alone and sad.” He pulls me in closer, tucking me under his arm and placing a gentle kiss on my head.

“I know,” I sniffle out, a single tear rolling down my cheek. “I just hate that I forget about her at some moments, you know?” my voice trembles out.

“Yeah, I know,” he replies. “I used to feel the same about Luc. We were really close, more so than me and Ash were, and after he died, I thought that I’d never be happy. That I shouldn’t be happy,” he tells me, his voice gruff, and this time I wrap my arm more firmly around him.

“But then a certain sexy as fuck brunette was standing naked in my bathroom, singing and shaking her ass, and I thought that I just might have found what was missing.” I look up into his eyes that are alight with emerald fire, getting drawn into their depths.

I can see his pain, like a wound that hasn’t yet fully healed. It reminds me of my own hurt, always there, yet not as sharp as it was a few months ago. There’s also love in his gaze, and it astounds me to know that it’s love for me.

Maybe fate isn’t as much of a bitch as I first thought? Soz Fate. My bad.

Loki’s phone rings, interrupting the intense moment, and we both breathe out a chuckle. He grabs it, and I can see it’s a FaceTime group call from the guys. I squeal and grab the phone, swiping to answer.

“Merry Christmas!” I practically shout, bouncing up and down on the seat. Loki laughs at my antics, pulling me back into him, and I see the others grin, then they wish us a Merry Christmas too.

My gaze drinks them in, as if we’ve been apart for months, and not just over two weeks. I search out Jax, who, to be honest, looks like shit.

“Bro, you look like shit!” Loki observes, voicing my thoughts aloud. I elbow him in the gut, eliciting an oomph sound.Twat.

We hear Jax’s deep, rumbling laugh come over the speaker as he rubs his hands over his face, “Yeah, I feel like shit.”

“Can we come and see you tomorrow?” I blurt, unable to hold back any longer, and Jax chuckles again.

“Doc says it’s okay, so I guess so, Baby Girl,” he teases, and I shriek, dropping the phone to the amusement of Loki, and by the sounds of it, the others too.

“We need to get tickets,” I begin, picking up the phone. I hear Ash’s derisive laugh, and I look at his picture on the screen. “What? You just gonna call up your private jet, Vanderbilt?” I sass him, my joke falling flat when he gives me a self-satisfied smirk. “Fuck off!” I turn to Loki, seeking confirmation.

He at least has the sense to look a little sheepish, his cheeks flushing slightly, “Yeah, he has a private jet.”

“You rich, entitled knobjockey!” I yell at Ash, who just smirks wider at me.

“Be there at ten sharp, Princess,” he orders me, then leaves the group chat, without so much as a goodbye .Dickhead.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Lilly,” Kai says, grinning at me. I can’t help but notice the strain around his eyes, but I just about manage to keep the frown off my face. “Merry Christmas.”

“Merry Christmas, Kai,” I smile back, happiness, anticipation, and a thread of worry making my chest feel tight.

“See you tomorrow, Baby Girl,” Jax rumbles out, he does sound tired, and I feel the frown tip my brows. “Don’t look at me like that. I can still place you over my knee,” he growls, and I feel my core tingle at the thought.

Oh, hello, your Vagisty!

Loki chuckles behind me, “Thanks for the idea, asshole,” he teases Jax, who growls and ends the call.

“Do you always have to be such a wanker?” I ask, putting down his phone then yelping as he drags me over his knee and gives my arse a hard smack. “Loki!”

“You’re right,” he replies, confusion filling me.Right?Standing up, he sets me on my feet briefly before throwing me over his shoulder. “You really need less clothes for this,” he says as he starts to stride towards the stairs.

“Loki!” I exclaim again, laughing and pounding his back, earning another sharp crack on my behind.