Page 48

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

Garret lifts me off him and gets up to answer it. I run to the phone before he can reach it.

“Hello?” My heart’s beating out of my chest.

“Jade. It’s Ryan.”

“Why did you call this number? I told you to call the cell.” I don’t mean to scold him, but having this phone ring has me on edge.

“I couldn’t remember the cell number. I can’t find where Dad wrote it down.”

“Oh. Okay. Well, I was just going out. Can I call you back?”

“No. We need to talk. I can’t come out there and get you on Saturday.”

I sit down at my desk. “Why? Did your car break down?”

“No.” He’s quiet for a moment. “Dad’s in the hospital again. It’s pretty bad, Jade.”

My heartbeat, which was just returning to normal, speeds up again. I glance over at Garret, who’s now sitting on my bed. “What’s wrong?”

“A few days ago he wasn’t using his wheelchair and he fell. He hit the floor hard and banged his head. He didn’t tell me until yesterday. He was acting confused and vomiting so I took him to the emergency room. They said he had bleeding and swelling on his brain so they did surgery.”

“What the hell, Ryan? Why didn’t you call me sooner?”

“Because you had finals and I knew you wouldn’t be able to concentrate if I told you.”

I’m mad he didn’t tell me, but I can’t yell at Ryan. He has enough stress as it is. “Well, what did the doctors say? Will he be okay?” I can barely ask the question because I have a feeling I won’t like the answer.

“They don’t know yet.” I hear his voice crack. Like me, Ryan rarely shows emotion, so if he’s on the verge of crying I know this is bad. “They have to wait and see. He’s in intensive care now.”

“So what should I do? I need to see him. I can’t stay here.”

“I was going to get you a plane ticket but I checked and they’re over $2000 because of the holiday. My credit cards are maxed out. I can’t afford it, Jade. I’m sorry. Do you have a friend you can stay with until I can get out there?”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure something out and call you back later. Will you be home?”

“No. I’m at the hospital. I’ll be here all the time now. Just call my cell.”

“Okay. I’m so sorry about this Ryan. I’ll talk to you soon.”

He hangs up and I slowly put down the phone, still shocked by the news.

“What’s wrong?” Garret asks, having only heard part of the conversation.

“Frank’s in the hospital. He fell and hit his head. There’s bleeding in his brain. I don’t know all the details but it sounds really bad. Ryan can’t come out here and get me now.”

“So did he get you a plane ticket?”

“He can’t. It’s too much money. I’ll just have to wait here until he can leave.” I take a deep breath, trying not to cry as I think about Frank. “I need to see him, Garret. What if he gets worse? What if he dies and I can’t say goodbye?”

Garret comes over and takes my laptop and brings it back to the bed. “I’ll get you a ticket. When do you want to leave?”

“No, it’s too much. Ryan said tickets are $2000.”

Garret’s clicking away on the laptop, his eyes on the screen. “Looks like more than that if you want to leave in the morning. Is that what you want?”

“Forget it. It’s too much.”

“It’s not too much. Frank’s in the hospital. You need to get home and see him.”

I think about it. “Okay. But I’m paying you back someday. This is just a loan.”

He ignores the comment and gets his credit card out. “We’re both going,” he says punching the credit card numbers in.

“What? No. You don’t need to go.”

He stops typing and looks at me. “Do you want me to go, Jade? And don’t pull that shit where you tell me the opposite of what you want. If you want to do this alone, that’s okay. But I don’t think that’s what you really want. So tell me. Do you want me there with you?”

I take a moment to think. I do want him there, but there’s still that part of me that tells me to do this alone. Plus, bringing him home with me would expose him to my old life. It’s the only part of me he doesn’t know. And if I let him see that, we’ll get even closer than we are now, which scares me.

“Jade, there’s only two seats left. Do you want me there or not?”

“Yes.” I say it quickly before I change my mind.

He makes the reservations, then sets the laptop back on my desk. “The plane leaves at 7 tomorrow morning out of Hartford, so we’ll need to leave here around 5.” He pulls me up from the chair. “Come on. We’re going to dinner and then we’re buying you a suitcase. You can’t get on a plane with a garbage bag.”

I’m not at all in the mood to laugh, but his comment somehow makes one sneak out. The image of me boarding a plane with my garbage bag of clothes is kind of funny.

“Thank you.” I give him a hug. “Thank you for doing this for me. And for going with me.”

“Little secret,” he says quietly. “I already made the reservations before you told me to go. I was never letting you go alone.”

I smile. He knows me way too well. It’s like he knows exactly what I need.

I feel a huge sense of relief knowing I’ll be seeing Frank tomorrow and that I’ll have Garret at my side. Ryan will be there, of course, but he has his girlfriend, Chloe, now. And they’re getting more serious, so I’m sure she’ll be with him at the hospital.

That night I call Ryan to tell him I’m coming home and what time I’ll be there. Garret rented a car so Ryan won’t have to leave the hospital to pick us up.

Garret tells his dad he’s going to Des Moines with me and his dad doesn’t even get mad. I guess he’s just given up trying to control his son.

* * *

In the morning as we’re boarding the plane I start to get really nervous. “I’ve never been on a plane, Garret.”

He holds my hand as we give our boarding passes to the lady. “I know. So it’s a good thing you’re with me.” He kisses my cheek. “I have a calming effect on people. It’s another thing I’m good at.”

I roll my eyes like I don’t believe him.

We get on the plane and Garret stops at the third row. “Right here. You want the window?”

I look around. “We’re in first class? Why did you put us in first class?”

Garret gives me a look as a man tries to get past us in the aisle. “Jade. People are waiting.”

I take the window seat, glancing back at the tiny, jammed-together seats back in coach and comparing them to the spacious, luxurious seats in first class.

“How much did this cost?” I ask him.

“Don’t worry about it.” He sits down and buckles my seat belt across my lap. “You want something to drink?”

A flight attendant is standing there waiting. We both order a soda.

“I can’t believe my first time on a plane is in first class,” I say to Garret. “Now, it’s really gonna suck when I have to ride back there.”

“Maybe you’ll never have to. I can’t sit back there. My legs are too long. I don’t fit in those seats. So whenever we fly, you’ll be sitting up here with me in first class.”

I never know how to react when he makes these statements that assume we’ll be together years from now. So I keep quiet.

When the plane takes off, I squeeze Garret’s hand and take deep breaths.

“It’s okay,” he whispers to me.

He does have a calming effect. I’m already starting to relax.

“Go to sleep,” he says once we’re in the air. “I’ll wake you up when we’re there.”

I do as he says. I’m so tired from the stress of finals and now Frank. I don’t wake up until we’re in Des Moines.

As Garret gets the rental car, I call Ryan and tell him we’re on our way. When we get to the hospital, Ryan is waiting for us. He looks thinner. And he has dark circles under his eyes like he hasn’t slept for days.

“Ryan.” I run up and hug him. I didn’t realize how much I missed him until now.

Ryan seems surprised. “You’re giving hugs now, Jade? What happened to you at college?”

“Um, yeah. I kind of got into the whole hug thing.”

“I’m just kidding. I like it.” He turns to Garret and shakes his hand. “Hi, Garret. Thanks for getting her here.”

Ryan met Garret the night I arrived at Moorhurst. Ever since then, he’s called him “pretty boy” because Garret has somewhat of a preppy, male-model look going. This is the first time Ryan’s actually used Garret’s real name.

“I was glad I could help.” Garret puts his arm around me. “She needed to be here.”

“I can’t believe you got her on a plane,” Ryan says to him. “She’s scared to death of those things.”

“Hey. I wasn’t scared,” I insist.

Garret gives Ryan a look that says otherwise.

“Can I go see Frank now?” I ask Ryan.

“In about a half hour. They’re running some tests on him.”

“So you’re just hanging out here by yourself? Where’s Chloe?”

“She went home. She was here all night and I wanted her to get a few hours of sleep before work. We can go wait in the cafeteria if you want.”

We go down there and get a drink. I don’t feel like eating. Hospitals freak me out with all the people walking around with tubes coming out of them, hooked up to beeping machines. And the horrible smell. Why do hospitals have to smell so bad?

Despite my dislike of hospitals, I’ve actually been considering going to med school, like Ryan plans to do. Seeing Frank struggle all these years makes me want to help people like him. I haven’t told anyone this yet because I’m not at all sure that’s what I want to do. And being in this hospital is making me rethink the whole idea.

Ryan makes small talk for a while, asking us about the flight and how finals went. I told him on the phone last night not to talk about what happened with Blake, including how I’m doing or anything like that. We have enough to deal with.

As he talks, I feel like Ryan’s delaying bad news. I hate it when he does that. He knows I just want to be told. On the phone, he said he’d give me an update when I arrived, but now I’m here and he’s not saying anything.

I finally just ask him. “So what did the doctor say? Is he getting any better?”

“He’s better than he was when I brought him here. They’ve stopped the bleeding in his brain and the swelling is going down.”

“What exactly did they do in the surgery?” I probably shouldn’t ask but I have this image of Frank’s skull being sawed open and I need to know if that’s what really happened.

“They drilled a small hole in his skull so they could suction the blood out,” Ryan explains. “It’s not as bad as it sounds. For some people they actually have to cut the skull open.”

I’m relieved they didn’t have to do that to Frank but the hole in the skull still freaks me out.

Ryan looks at his watch. “We can probably go in there now.”

As we walk to intensive care, I start to get nervous. I’m not sure I can handle seeing Frank in such bad shape. And he isn’t even my father. I don’t know how Ryan is holding up so well.

“You have to wash up first over here.” Ryan takes us to a sink to wash our hands with soap that smells almost as bad as the hospital.

“Is it okay if I go in, too?” Garret asks Ryan.

“Yeah, but let me go in first and tell him you’re both here.”

“I’m feeling really sick right now,” I say to Garret. “I don’t know if it’s the hospital smell or because I’m nervous about seeing Frank or what.”

He puts his hand on my back and leans down to talk softly. “Just relax. I’m right here. I’ll be with you the whole time.”

I nod several times.

“Okay. Come on in.” Ryan holds the door for us.

I take a deep breath and walk in with Garret behind me. As soon as I see Frank lying there in his bed I almost run back out because I can’t stand to see him this way. He’s hooked up to all kinds of machines. His head is shaved and wrapped in bandages. And he’s very pale and very thin.

What’s with him and Ryan losing all this weight? Did they stop eating when I left?

A lump forms in my throat as I fight back tears. I’ve never seen Frank look so weak and helpless.

“Jade, come closer so I can see you.” Frank doesn’t have his glasses on. I notice them sitting on the table.

“Do you want your glasses?”

He nods so I put them on his face. He seems so frail. It’s like he’s aged 20 years since I left. “You look good, Jade.”

“Thanks.” I don’t return the compliment, because we both know it would be a lie. He looks terrible.

“I’m glad you could make it home for Christmas, although I’ll probably still be stuck in here.”

“Well, if you are, we’ll bring Christmas here, okay?”

He smiles. “Okay, honey.” His speech is slower than normal, like he’s heavily drugged with meds. His eyelids close for a moment. When he opens them again, he notices Garret. “Is this your friend?”

“Yes. This is Garret, my boyfriend.”

“Nice to meet you,” Garret says, moving a little closer to Frank. “Jade talks about you constantly. She’s really missed you.”

“She’s very special to me. Like my own daughter.”

Shit! Is he trying to make me cry? I’m doing all I can to keep from losing it and then he has to say that?

Garret takes my hand and gently squeezes it, helping me momentarily regain control of my emotions.

Frank’s eyes shut again and this time they stay shut as he falls asleep. Ryan motions us to leave.

“He goes in and out of sleep like that with the meds he’s on,” Ryan explains once we’re in the hall. “He’ll probably be out for hours. You guys can go and come back later if you want.”

“I don’t want to leave you here, Ryan.”

“I need to check on stuff at work, so I won’t be around anyway.”

“Ryan works here in the hospital lab,” I explain to Garret.

“Jade, do you think you could run home and get me a change of clothes?” Ryan asks.

“Sure. Anything else you want?”

“No. That’s it. Just call my cell when you get back here and we’ll meet up somewhere.”

“Okay. See you soon.” I hug him again.

He looks at Garret. “Did you teach her that?”

Garret smiles. “I did. But she still needs practice.”

Ryan walks off and Garret and I go to the parking garage. As soon as I get in the car, I break down. The tears finally let loose, pouring down my cheeks.

It’s like Garret knew it was coming. He doesn’t even act surprised. He gets out of the car and comes around to my side and opens my door. “Get in the back seat.”

“What? Why?” I say between sobs.

He waits for me to get in the back, then slides in beside me and holds me tightly in his arms. Now I get it. He couldn’t hug me with all the stuff between the two front seats. Several minutes go by before I can finally stop crying enough to talk.

“He looked horrible, Garret. Frank looked so bad.”

Garret doesn’t try to deny it. He knows doing so wouldn’t help.

“And why is he so thin? Doesn’t he eat anymore?” I wipe my face off. “I feel like such an idiot out here crying like this. I told myself I’d be strong for both of them and I’m barely here an hour and I’m already crying. And I hate crying. I freaking hate it.” I pull away from him. “And ever since I met you I keep crying at stuff like this. What the hell did you do to me?”

“It’s because you’re not running from stuff anymore.” He cups my cheek and wipes the remaining tears off my face with his thumb. “You’re dealing with it.”

“I don’t want to deal with it. Dealing with it sucks.”

“I know it does. But sometimes life sucks and you just have to deal with it.”

It’s true. But it’s not fair. I’ve already dealt with enough in 19 years. I can’t deal with any more.