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CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

I let out a huge sigh of relief. “Are you sure it’s over?”

“It’s over. They just need to fill out some paperwork to make it official. Blake will probably be kicked out of Moorhurst. Right now, he’s not allowed on campus, so he’ll be finishing the semester at home, doing homework and tests online.”

“Seriously? What the hell did you have on him? Can you tell me now?”

“If I do, you can’t say anything. To anyone. Not even Frank or Ryan. Or Harper.”

“Yeah. I won’t.”

“Blake has a . . . side job, I guess you’d call it. He sells drugs. Cocaine mostly. He sells it to people at our school and some other colleges in the area. He also has some high profile buyers.”

“Blake’s a drug dealer? Why does that not surprise me? How long has this been going on?”

“It started senior year of high school. But I didn’t know about it until halfway through the year when he tried to sell me some. Anyway, his dad’s reputation would be ruined if this got out. And Blake would go to prison.”

“But how can you prove it? It’s just your word against his.”

“I know where he stashes the stuff. And I saved text messages he sent me when he was trying to sell it to me last year. I also got video of him dealing at this party we went to last spring. If he didn’t drop the charges against me, I had plenty of evidence to take him down.”

“So how’d he get kicked out of school?”

“He had some of it hidden in his gym locker. Yesterday the dean got an anonymous call telling him where to look. He found the drugs in Blake’s locker but agreed to keep quiet if Blake transferred to a different college.”

“So Blake just gets away with it?”

“I told you. That’s how it works. It’s just a series of deals. And if Blake comes near you again, I’ll pull out more evidence. I’ve been building a case against him ever since I found out about the drugs. I’ve never trusted him. I knew I might need to use this someday.”

Mr. Kensington appears in the doorway. “Jade, I assume Garret has given you the news?”

“Yes. He just told me.”

“I’ve asked Garret to stay here at the house another day while we finalize everything. It’d probably be a good idea if you stayed here as well.”

“Yeah, okay. I didn’t bring clothes for another day but—”

“I’ll take you back to campus,” Garret says. “I need to go back anyway and get my laptop.”

Mr. Kensington turns to leave, then stops and turns back around. “Jade, have you talked with Frank since this happened?”

“Frank?” I say it like I have no idea who he’s talking about. I assume he means the Frank I grew up with but I can’t believe Garret’s dad even remembers Frank. They only spoke once on the phone, back when I got my scholarship.

“Your caretaker. Frank. Isn’t that his name?”

“Um, yes. I talked to him. I told him what happened. I’ll call him again later. He’ll be relieved to know Blake won’t be at Moorhurst anymore.”

“When you speak with him, if he has any concerns regarding this issue, please have him call me.”

“Okay, I will.”

“By the way, how is he feeling? Frank has MS, isn’t that right?”

This is so strange. Why is Garret’s dad suddenly so interested in Frank? “Yes. He’s doing okay. He has good and bad days.”

“Well, be sure to give him my best.” He walks out and I give Garret a WTH look. He shrugs like he has no idea why his dad just asked about Frank.

On the way to campus I ask Garret more about it, but he says he’s never talked about Frank with his dad.

Garret goes with me to my room to get my things. His eyes scan the walls, searching for the blood.

“Harper did it,” I say, packing some clothes in a garbage bag. “She cleaned it up and got me new stuff for my bed.”

My heart is beating erratically just being in that room again. It’s too soon.

“Jade. Stop for a minute and come over here.”

Garret’s sitting on the bed. I haven’t been near it since the incident. I walk over and cautiously sit down. Maybe I’m imagining it, but I can still smell Blake’s cologne.

“Don’t let him or what he did have power over you. We have good memories here. Don’t let him ruin all that.” Garret gets up to turn on the blue ceiling lights, then lies down on the bed, pulling on me to lie beside him. I shiver being in that position again. Garret notices and holds me closer. I finally start to relax.

When we get back to his house later, we learn that the charges have been officially dropped. Garret and I go out to dinner because it’s too awkward to eat dinner with his family. It’s clear that Katherine doesn’t want me staying there. I get the feeling she’s been fighting with her husband about it.

On Sunday, Garret and his dad tell me that Blake might try to come after me again. The deal they made included a part about Blake staying away from me, a kind of unofficial restraining order, but given that Blake never does as he’s told, he could still be a threat. Garret gives me a taser and some pepper spray. It doesn’t make me feel any safer.

* * *

The next week we return to our normal daily routine. I was hoping that doing so would make me forget the whole Blake thing, but it doesn’t. I keep reliving it in my head thinking I could’ve done something to prevent it. Like I should’ve known it was Blake sending that text. Or I should’ve faced the door so I could see him walk in. Or I should’ve left the light on.

Garret keeps offering to spend the night in my room, but I don’t let him. I need to be able to sleep alone in that room. I’m doing as Garret said and not letting Blake control me. I’m not going to live in fear because of him.

I call Frank and Ryan once a day now instead of my usual once a week. It helps to hear their familiar voices. And I see Harper more, too.

This is all new for me. Letting people in. Letting them help me through this. I’m trying it, but I’m not sure how I feel about it. Part of me feels weak, like I need to deal with this myself and keep people out.

On Thursday, Garret asks if I want to go to New York for the weekend since we didn’t get to go the past few times we’ve tried. But I tell him no. I don’t want to be around the crowds and the chaos of a big city. I need quiet.

Friday night, Garret and I have a double date with Harper and Sean. We’re going over to Sean’s apartment because he insists on cooking us dinner.

Harper is already there when we arrive, wearing a pale pink sweater and dark jeans, her long blond hair up in a ponytail. She always looks so put together. Her hair, her clothes, her shoes, her jewelry. Everything fits together.

When she invited us over, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go, but now that we’re here, I’m glad we came. It’s good to be out of my room and doing something fun. Sean has music playing and he does these stupid dances as he cooks. Harper says he does that all the time. And he’s not at all embarrassed to show off these dances with company around.

Sean and Garret hit it off almost immediately. The longer we’re there, the more I like Sean. He’s easygoing and laughs all the time. He’d make a good friend for Garret. Way better than the friends his dad picked for him.

“We should do this double date thing again,” I say to Harper during dinner as Garret and Sean talk sports.

“Totally. I didn’t know those two would get along so well.”

“It was nice of Sean to make us dinner, but next time we should go out so he doesn’t have to do all that work.”

“He doesn’t consider it work. He loves cooking.” She smiles across the table at him. She’s so in love. And he seems to love her, too.

After dinner, we play a trivia game and I wow everyone with my knowledge of random trivia. I never mentioned this oddball talent of mine to Garret. He seems both impressed and intrigued. He keeps asking me questions, trying to stump me, but he can’t do it. I know way too much trivia. Even sports trivia.

I don’t admit to Garret that I won the knowledge bowl tournament twice back in high school. I’ll save that fact for another day.

When we get back to the dorms, I go up and stay in Garret’s room. We kiss a little in bed, but then he turns and goes to sleep. He’s acted this way all week. It’s like he’s afraid to touch me after what happened. It makes me hate Blake even more. He’s not even around and yet he’s still interfering with my relationship with Garret.

Saturday, Garret and I both study for finals all day. That night, he orders a pizza and we watch movies in his room. I know it seems boring, but it’s one of my favorite date night activities. We sit in his giant bean bag chair and I usually fall asleep in his arms before the last movie ends.

It happens again tonight. I wake up when I hear him putting the movie away.

“It’s midnight,” he says, shutting the TV off. “You want to go to sleep?”

“I guess.” Actually I don’t want to go to sleep. I want us to be together like we were before. “Can I wear one of your t-shirts? I don’t want to go downstairs and get pajamas.”

“Jade, you don’t have to ask. Just take one.”

I go through his drawer and pick one. Out of the side of my eye I see him watching me undress. He changes, too, then we get into bed.

“Goodnight.” He gives me a quick kiss.

“Goodnight.” I kiss him back, but linger at his lips hoping he’ll get the hint I want more. He hesitates, then kisses me again, longer this time. But then he pulls away.

“Garret, don’t do this to me.”

“Do what?” He looks panicked. “What did I do?”

“Nothing. That’s the point. Since this happened you’ll barely kiss me. I feel like you’re punishing me for what happened.”

He sits up. “You know that’s not true. Why would you even say shit like that?”

“Because I feel like you don’t want me now that Blake’s been all over me.”

“No! That’s not it at all. I just thought it was too soon. You don’t talk to me about it. I don’t know what’s going on with you.”

“There’s nothing to talk about. It’s over. I need to move on but I can’t when you’re acting like this. When you won’t even touch me.” I take his hand and place it under my shirt, moving it over my skin. “I need you. I need us to be like we were before.”

“Okay,” he says, almost in a whisper. He lies down again and gently kisses me. He’s taking this slow, which is exactly what I need. I don’t admit it to him, but I am a little afraid I might freak out when he’s on top of me.

I lift his shirt up until he lets me take it off. Then I take off mine and inch closer until we’re touching. I need to feel his skin against me. We kiss some more but I can tell he’s still unsure if he should go farther.

“Garret, I’m not afraid of this.”

He takes his pajama pants off and tosses them on the floor. I guide his hand to my panties and he slips them off. Then he finally kisses me like he used to. Like he wants this. Like he wants me.

We’re lying facing each other. I flip on my back, encouraging him to move to the next stage. My heart is beating really fast because now I’m not sure I want him over me. I can still feel Blake’s heavy body holding me down and I don’t know if I’m ready to feel trapped like that again.

“Get on top,” Garret says, as though he could sense my fear.

I sit up straight. “What? No. I can’t. I don’t know what I’m doing.”

He lets out a short laugh as he lies on his back. “You can do it. It’s easy.”

“No. Really. I don’t know what to do.”

He lifts me up and I position myself on top of him. He places his hands securely on my hips, guiding them for me. Soon I’m moving on my own, although I still feel like I’m not doing it right. I know Garret’s been with a lot of girls and I’m sure they all had way more experience than me. It’s not the time to think about that, but my mind goes there anyway until I hear Garret’s voice.

“Why did you stop?” he asks.

“Oh. I didn’t mean to.” I was so worried about my lack of experience that I’d stopped moving. I get my hips going again. “I don’t think I’m doing this right.”

He pulls me down for a kiss. “There’s no right way to do it, Jade. Just do what feels good.”

“But I don’t know what that means for you.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’m a guy. It all feels good. And I liked what you were doing so keep doing it.”

I try again, feeling more confident now that he said that.

I’m sure it’s not the greatest sex he’s ever had and it’s not the best I’ve had either. But even if it wasn’t the best sex, at least I was with Garret again.

As I lie in his arms afterward, an image of Blake flashes in my mind and I pull Garret’s arms even tighter around me.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yeah, I’m just sleepy.”

He covers us with the blanket and kisses my forehead. I feel like we’re even closer than before. And part of me even feels safe again.

Sunday we have our usual pancake breakfast and then study in Garret’s room all day. Thursday is the last official day of class before winter break, but all of our finals are Monday through Wednesday. Most people are gone by Thursday so the professors hold class but nothing’s really planned other than to turn in any remaining assignments, which you can do online. So basically everyone skips Thursday classes, which is what Garret and I plan to do.

“I’m sick of calculus. I need to switch to a different topic.” Garret shuts his book and sets it aside. “Did you finish writing in your English notebook?”

I reach into my backpack and pull out the blue notebook, tossing it to him. “You might as well give me yours.”

Garret and I are supposed to read each other’s notebooks and make comments after each entry. We’re supposed to write in them at least a couple times a week, but neither one of us has been doing that. I tend to write a month’s worth of entries at a time but I never know what to write about so it takes me forever. The notebooks have to be turned in this Tuesday, the day of the final, and there has to be a comment on each entry.

I flip through Garret’s notebook. “How am I supposed to write comments about your description of a football game? I don’t even understand what you wrote here.” Garret tends to only write about sports or current events.

He laughs. “Yeah, and yours is so much better.” He holds it up and reads dramatically. “I have a new appreciation for donuts. This morning I had—”

“What’s wrong with that? I was talking about those donuts Charles made. That’s interesting.”

He shakes his head. “It’s not that interesting.” He turns the page. “This one is about your meal at that Mexican place we went to. It’s all food, Jade. That’s all you talk about in here.”

“Well, I didn’t know what else to write about. It’s a stupid assignment. I’m sure it hasn’t helped my writing at all.” I search my backpack for a pen. “Do you ever write in your other notebook?”

Months ago, Garret and I decided to get notebooks that would only be seen by the two of us. We got them so we could write down stuff we weren’t comfortable saying out loud.

“Maybe,” he says, as he writes comments after my donut entry.

“What are you writing in there?” I snatch the notebook from him.

His comments read, Very descriptive prose. Truly expresses her love of pastries. Makes me want a donut.

I roll my eyes and toss it back at him. “That’s the best you can do?”

He throws my notebook down, pretending to be offended. “You gave me nothing to work with here.”

“A good writer can work with anything.”

He smiles. “Who says I’m a good writer?”

I keep my eyes on his latest entry, which is about last Monday night’s football game. “You’re good at everything. It’s annoying.”

He comes over and takes the notebook from me, then feels my forehead with the back of his hand. “Are you coming down with something? Because I’m almost positive that was a compliment. And you never give me compliments. You must have a fever. You need to lie down.” He positions some pillows on the floor.

“Are you playing doctor now?” I ask, lying back on the pillows.

“I am. So I need you to undress.” He slowly unbuttons my shirt, leaving kisses down my chest and stomach as he works his way down.

“Garret, we have to study.” I smile as he flicks open the button on my jeans and tugs the zipper down.

“We’ve been studying all day. It’s 5 o’clock. We need a break.” He brings his lips back to mine as he reaches around to unhook my bra.

Finally, the old Garret is back. I’m relieved. Part of me wondered if he’d go back to being cautious around me, even after last night.

“I guess I could use a break,” I say as I undo his belt.

He takes it slow again, but this time I make him be on top. And despite a brief moment of panic when I first feel the weight of him, I’m okay. Because I know it’s him and not Blake.

Afterward, I get dressed and go to the mirror to tame my crazy sex hair. “We might as well eat dinner now that you’ve broken my concentration.”

“I don’t think you minded.” He comes up behind me and turns me around. “You said I was good at everything, right?”

“I really need to start insulting you again. Your ego is getting way out of control.” He’s still smiling at me, as if waiting for an answer about his performance. But I won’t give him one. He knows he’s good at that.

We go out for dinner to get a break from being cooped up in the dorms all day. Then it’s back to studying. I can’t wait for finals to be over.

Monday I get up early and cram one last time before heading to class. Once I get past the nerves, the first final isn’t so bad. I think I might’ve even gotten an A on it.

The rest of the finals that day also go well. I have easier classes on Tuesday, so those exams are no problem. Tuesday afternoon, Garret and I turn in our English journals, which I’m a little worried about because I have no idea what the professor expects. He was so vague about them at the beginning of the semester.

On Wednesday morning, I have my biology final, which is my last one. I go to my afternoon class, turn in a paper, and then the professor excuses us early. I can tell she’s anxious for the semester to be over, too.

Garret’s last final is at 4 so we meet up afterward to celebrate.

“Let’s get out of here,” he says as he collapses on my bed.

“You don’t exactly look ready to go anywhere.” I straddle him and lean down to kiss him.

“I just need a minute to de-stress. That last one sucked. I hate finals.”

“But they’re over! We’re done. Now we have almost four weeks of no studying. No homework. No tests.”

“No Jade.” He holds both my hands and gives me his sad face.

“I know, but we’ll talk on the phone all the time.”

“Why won’t you let me come to Iowa and see you over break?”

“Because it’s too weird with Frank and Ryan there. And there’s no room at Frank’s house for you to stay.”

“I’ll stay at a hotel.”

“Yeah, great. And then they’ll think we’re doing it whenever I’m there to see you.”

“I think they know we’re doing it. We’ve been going out for months.”

“Then it would be even more weird for you to be there. I try to keep the two of them out of my love life.”

“Four weeks is too long to go without seeing you. And what am I going to do on New Year’s Eve? Can’t you come back after Christmas?”

“I have to work around Ryan’s schedule. You know that.”

“Jade, I can’t go four weeks without kissing you. It’s not possible.”

“Oh really?” I lean down again, hovering over his face.

“Yes. In fact, I’m almost certain it’s bad for my health.” He gives me a serious look. “Aren’t you concerned about my health, Jade?”

“I am, but I think you’ll be okay.”

“Trust me. I won’t be.” He pulls me down to his soft, perfect lips and kisses me. He’s right. Four weeks is way too long. I don’t how I’ll survive without his kisses.

I sit up again. “Ryan’s not picking me up until Saturday, so we have two whole days together before I leave. We’ll just have to get a lot of kissing in before then.” I smile as I run my hand under his shirt. “Along with some other activities. But we can do that later. Let’s go out and do something. You want to go see a movie?”

Before he can answer, the phone rings. It’s my room phone, which hasn’t rung since I gave Frank and Ryan my cell phone number.

Garret and I look at each other. We’re both thinking the same thing. But it doesn’t make sense. The threatening phone calls ended after the break-in. I get a sick feeling in my stomach as it continues to ring.