Page 3

CHAPTER THREE

“Are you getting out or what?” Ryan is holding my door open. “Let’s go find your RA and see where your room is.”

I step out of the car, suddenly feeling like I might throw up. Where is this coming from? I’m stronger than this. Way stronger. I take a deep breath, hoping the feeling is just carsickness from driving through those winding roads.

The inside of the residence hall smells old and musty, like a museum, making the sick feeling in my stomach creep up into my throat. I keep an eye out for a bathroom just in case I get sick.

Dark wooden doors with numbers on them line the hallway. We stop at one that has an RA sign on it. Ryan knocks on the door and a tall thin girl with long black hair and olive skin answers.

She looks at me and smiles. “Hi, are you moving in?” She has a slight foreign accent, but I can’t tell where it’s from.

“Yeah, I’m Jade Taylor. And this is Ryan, but he’s not moving in. He just drove me here.”

“Great, nice to meet you both. I’m Jasmine. Welcome to Moorhurst. Let me grab your key.” She turns back and takes a key from a box on her desk, then grabs a large folder sitting next to it. “This is your housing information packet.” She hands me the folder. “Go through it and if you have any questions, just let me know. Follow me. I’ll show you your room.”

She leads us to the very end of the hall, right by the stairwell. She opens the door, then hands me the key. “The rooms are small but you’ll get used to it.”

I scan the room. It’s not that small. But I guess if you’re used to living in a mansion, like the other students are, then it probably seems like a closet. The room has white walls that look freshly painted, light wood floors, and a window covered with beige curtains. There’s a twin bed, a tall wooden dresser, and a small desk with a chair. A giant basket is sitting on the desk.

“That’s a welcome gift from the Kensingtons,” Jasmine says.

I go over and unwrap the cellophane around the basket. It’s overflowing with an assortment of items stamped with the Moorhurst logo; a t-shirt, hooded sweatshirt, keychain, coffee mug, plastic cup, shorts, sweatpants, socks, and other items. There’s even a cover for the cell phone I don’t own.

“Looks like they bought out the whole campus bookstore,” Ryan comments.

“Well, I’ll let you get settled,” Jasmine says. “If you need anything, just stop by.”

She leaves and I shut the door and sit on the thin bare mattress on the bed.

Ryan stands there surveying the room. “I don’t think it’s that small. And you hardly have any stuff so you’ll have plenty of room.” He sits next to me. “Jasmine seems cool, right?”

“I don’t know her well enough to say. But from her name alone, she doesn’t seem that cool. She’s named after a cartoon princess. That speaks volumes about her personality.”

“What did I say about judging people?”

“I’m just saying that I doubt we’ll be friends. I don’t get along with people like her. I doubt I’ll get along with anyone here which is fine with me.”

“Cut that shit out right now. You’re never going to make friends with that I-don’t-care-about-anything-or-anyone attitude. Besides you can’t keep that act going for four years. You’re not at all like that. You know that, right?”

“I have no interest in being friends with any of these people. I’m here to get an education. That’s it.”

Ryan turns to me, his lecture face on. “You can’t go four years without any friends. Not everyone here is a stuck up snob. And just because people are rich doesn’t mean they aren’t good people. You need to get out and do stuff. Interact with other students. Go to football games. Go to some parties. That’s what people do in college. Well, I don’t, but I’m the exception to the rule.”

“You know I don’t like parties, Ryan.”

“Yes, I know. But you don’t have to drink. Just go there and hang out. And if it gets out of hand, just leave.”

“It always gets out of hand. If it didn’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

He stands up and faces me. “Dammit, Jade. You keep saying you want to forget your past and then you keep bringing it up. You’re not your mother. You don’t drink. You don’t do drugs. You don’t do any of the stuff she did.”

“You’re right. I shouldn’t have said it. I’m done talking about her. Let’s go unpack the car.” I take his hand and drag him out of the room.

“Did you just say that I’m right? That’s a first.”

“First and only. Don’t get used to it.”

We go outside and start unpacking the trunk, which holds a few boxes and some garbage bags stuffed with clothes, sheets, and towels. As I’m picking up one of the bags, it splits open on the bottom and clothes start seeping out.

“Shit, I knew I should’ve got—”

“Can I help?” The voice seems to be coming from a guy, but I can’t really see him because the bag I’m holding is blocking my view. I peer around it to see him picking my clothes off the ground. “Here, you take these and I’ll take the bag. It looks heavy.”

“I can handle heavy.” I snatch the tank tops he’s holding, then turn my back to him and maneuver the torn bag a different way so it doesn’t tear even more. I feel the guy watching me. “You can go now. We don’t need any help.”

Ryan clears his throat. “Um, Jade, why don’t you introduce yourself?”

Every part of me wants to kill Ryan right here and now. This make-a-friend kick he’s forcing me into is beyond annoying.

I turn around, the bag still teetering in my arms and extend my hand. “Hi, I’m Jade. Nice to meet you.” The bag is blocking my face again.

“I think you’re in there somewhere. You sure you don’t want some help with that bag?” The guy slowly takes the bag from me, holding onto the torn end. I give up and let him have it.

He’s really tall, like 6’3 or 6’4, and has broad shoulders. The bag looks tiny with him carrying it. He holds it with one arm and extends his hand with the other. “Hi, I’m Garret.”

It’s dark out, but the campus lights provide enough illumination for me to check out this Garret guy. He’s not bad. Okay, he’s hot. Like extremely hot, which means he’s probably a complete ass who uses girls, then tosses them aside. Guys that good looking always get what they want, then move on.

“She’s right on the first floor if you want to follow me.” Ryan motions the guy to the door. I quickly grab another bag and slam the trunk shut, making sure to give Ryan the evil eye as I walk past him.

“Are you a freshman?” Ryan asks Garret once we’re in my room.

“Yeah, I moved in this morning. I actually live right upstairs.”

“Do you know anyone here?”

I give Ryan a look to shut up and let the guy leave, but he ignores me.

“I know a ton of people. Half my prep school ended up here. It’s almost like we’re just continuing high school.”

“Isn’t that great, Jade? He knows a ton of people. He can introduce you around.”

“Yeah. Great. I’m going back to the car.” I start to leave, but Garret stops me.

“Where are you from?”

I turn around and look at him. It’s hard not to stare. He’s that good looking. “Iowa. Des Moines, Iowa.”

Garret doesn’t say anything.

“It’s in the middle,” I explain. “East of Nebraska. West of Illinois. South of Minnesota. North of—”

“Yeah, I know where it is,” he says. “You’re the Kensington Scholarship winner, right?”

How did he know that? Did they include my bio in the orientation packet? Or did the garbage bag suitcases give me away?

“Yeah, that’s me. Anyway, I need to unpack so I’ll see you around.”

“Let me help. I’m not doing anything.”

“No, that’s not—”

“That’d be great,” Ryan says. “Thanks!”

I scowl at him once again. He smiles back.

With the three of us carrying stuff, it only takes a couple more trips to get everything inside.

“Okay, well, thanks for the help,” I say to Garret, praying that Ryan will finally let the guy leave.

“Sure. If you need anything else, just come upstairs. My room is about halfway down the hall.”

Once he’s gone I slam the door shut. “What the hell was that about?” I whisper-scream to Ryan.

“I was helping you make friends. He seemed okay, didn’t he?”

“I didn’t notice. It’s late. I’m super tired. And look at me!” I pull on my tank top. “I’ve been stuck in these sweaty clothes all day. I stink. And you thought now was a good time to introduce me to people?”

“That guy didn’t care. And it’s like 100 degrees outside. Everyone is sweating.”

“I need to shower and go to bed.” I dump one of the garbage bags out on the floor and begin searching for pajamas.

“I guess I’ll head to the motel. I should call Chloe and check on Dad. I’ll come by around 8 and we’ll go to breakfast.”

“And then you’re leaving?” My voice sounds sad and a little desperate. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. The last thing I need is for Ryan to think I can’t handle being alone.

“I’m sorry I can’t stay, but I have to start heading back. It’s a long drive and I need to get home to take care of Dad.”

“I know. I was just giving you a hard time. Go call your girlfriend. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He leaves and the sick feeling gnaws at my stomach again. A shower will help. Once I’m clean and get some sleep I’m sure I’ll feel better.

I dig through a box for my shower supplies, then grab my pajama shorts and a t-shirt and head to the communal bathroom. I thought it was bad having to share a bathroom with Frank and Ryan, but this is way worse. There’s no privacy at all. And I’m all about privacy. Luckily nobody’s in there.

Halfway through my shower, I hear some girls come into the bathroom. Living on a floor full of girls will take some adjustment. I’ve never had many female friends and the ones I did have I only saw when I was at school. There was no way I would invite anyone over to my house with my mom there.

“Did you see Garret?” one of the girls says. “He was just on our floor. God, he looks even hotter than when I saw him in Cabo. I told you I saw him there, right?”

“Did you two hook up?” another girl asks.

“No. He said he was dating some girl he met during his internship in DC.”

“Are they still going out?” the other girl asks.

“How should I know? I ran into him like 5 minutes ago. Why don’t you ask him tonight? I’m sure he’ll be at the party.”

I wait for them to leave, then hurry back to my room. I grab my comforter and wrap myself in it like a sleeping bag. I’m too tired to make the bed and the comforter reminds me of home.

As soon as I’m situated, I hear a knock on the door. “Jade? Are you in there?”

What the hell? Who could possibly be knocking on my door? I don’t know anyone here. I ignore it, but the knocking continues.

“Jade? It’s Garret.”

What does he want? I’ve been here less than two hours and already have some crazy guy stalking me? Those girls in the bathroom were looking for him. He should go bother them instead. I get up to answer the door, my hair sopping wet, the comforter still wrapped around me.

I open the door just a little. “Hi, Garret. What do you need?”

He looks surprised. “I didn’t know you were sleeping. It’s kind of early, isn’t it?”

“It’s 10. It’s not that early. And I’m tired from the drive.” I’m staring at him again. I can’t stop myself. He has on a white t-shirt and dark jeans, my favorite combo. His skin has a golden tan and his eyes are this really cool shade of aqua blue. He has a strong jawline that’s covered in a light layer of stubble. His dark brown hair is short on the sides but longer on top, spiked up a little in front. His body is lean and muscular, like he might be an athlete. And he smells good. Really good.

“I just wanted to invite you to this party I’m going to. I was heading over there and thought you might want to come with me and meet some people. Is your boyfriend still here? Because he can come, too.”

I hear the silence around us and realize that it’s my turn to speak. “My what?”

“Your boyfriend. That guy I met earlier?”

A short laugh escapes as I think of Ryan as my boyfriend. “Ryan’s not my boyfriend. He’s more like an older brother. He just drove me here. He’s heading back tomorrow.”

Garret smiles which draws my attention to his mouth. He has a nice smile. Full lips and straight white teeth. “Then what do you say? You want to go?”

He glances down at my comforter-wrapped body. I follow his gaze and notice that I’ve let the comforter slip down to my waist exposing the skimpy t-shirt I’m wearing—without a bra, of course. I quickly pull the comforter up to cover myself.

“No, I’m really tired. But thanks for asking.”

“Come on. You can’t spend your first night on campus in this crappy dorm room.”

“Yeah, actually I can.” It sounds rude. I can hear Ryan scolding me in my head, telling me to act friendly. “I mean, I’m just really tired from the drive. Maybe some other time.”

“How about tomorrow? There’s a party just down the street from here.”

“Sure. See you then.” I don’t like parties, but I agree to go just to get rid of him. I’m sure by tomorrow night he’ll forget he even asked me.

“Great. Well, goodnight.”

I close the door and lock it. I can’t figure out why this guy has declared himself the one-person welcome committee for Moorhurst College and why he’s zeroed in on me of all people. There’s got to be other new students he could harass at this hour.

I lie in bed exhausted but unable to sleep. I hear some girls running down the hall, laughing. I’m used to sleeping in silence. Ryan and Frank never made a sound at night and my mother was usually passed out drunk.

“Kristen, I need to borrow your red stilettos,” I hear a girl say. It sounds like she’s in the hallway next to my room.

“No, you ruined the last pair. Plus you’ll spend the night at Craig’s and he’s got that stupid dog that chewed up the last pair of shoes I let you borrow.”

Why do these girls insist on having this conversation right outside my door? Do they not understand that people are trying to sleep?

The one girl raises her voice. “Don’t be such a bitch. Your mom will buy you new ones. Plus, you’ve got more shoes than you could ever wear.”

“Forget it. You’re not borrowing them. I have to grab my purse. I’ll be right back.”

I hear loud footsteps stomping down the hall, stopping abruptly at my door. “Hey, babe. Get that hot ass in the truck. We’re leaving.”

I assume it’s the hot ass’ boyfriend. She giggles like a little girl as something smashes into my door. I hope to God they’re not pressed up against my door making out, but it kind of sounds like that’s exactly what’s happening. After a few minutes, I hear them finally leave.

It’s quieter now, but I can’t sleep knowing that I’m stuck here for the next four years. I’m not sure how I’ll survive given that I’ve barely been at Moorhurst three hours and I already hate it. Just a few weeks ago, the thought of going far away to college sounded like the perfect plan. I’d get away from all the crap of my old life and start fresh. But now I feel lost and alone. I guess this is why so many people drop out of college after the first or second week.

You wanna give up? Then give up! You’ll end up just like me! Is that what you want? You wanna end up like me? I hear my mom’s voice in my head again. Those were the words she said when I was crying on the first day of kindergarten. She repeated those words every time I cried or showed the slightest sign of weakness. At least I can give her credit for that. Those words stuck with me all these years. They’re the words I Iive by. Because I don’t want to end up like her. I can’t let it happen. I won’t let it happen.

I will not give up. I will not drop out and go running home. I’m strong. I can do anything. I repeat the phrases over and over again until I finally fall asleep.

Ryan arrives at 8 a.m. sharp. I’ve been up since 6 when the morning sun started filtering through the useless curtains on my window. I watched the minutes on the clock tick slowly by waiting for Ryan’s familiar face to show up. I’m dying to see a familiar face.

“I’m ready. Let’s go.” I push past him and shut the door, locking it. I just want out of that room and out of that dorm. “Where do you want to go? Did you see any restaurants on your way here?”

He grabs my arm. “What’s with the crazy rush? Are you trying to hurry and eat so you can get rid of me?”

His statement couldn’t be more untrue. I desperately want him to stay. At least until my first day of class on Wednesday. It’s only Saturday. What am I going to do with all this free time before school starts?

“I’m not trying to get rid of you. I’m just starving. Let’s go eat.”

“But I thought we could walk around campus first. You didn’t even get to see it last night.”

“I’ll see plenty of it later. Let’s just go.” I pull on him, trying to get out of there as fast as possible.

We find a restaurant a couple miles away. It’s loud with screaming kids and clanking dishes. I don’t do well with loud noises. I get very anxious and feel like I can’t breathe. When my mom was alive, she would yell and throw things or bang pans together to get my attention. When I got older, I’d run out of the house to escape the noise.

“How was your first night at college?” Ryan asks. He’s way more excited about the whole college thing than I am.

I hesitate, wishing I could tell him the truth. But I can’t. Over the years, I’ve learned that people really don’t like the truth. The truth is ugly and painful. It’s uncomfortable. It makes you question things. It creates uncertainty. People don’t want that. They want to hear a version of the truth that meets the expectations they’ve already conjured up in their own head. And Ryan has conjured up the idea of me living this picture-perfect happy life at a prestigious private college.

“It was great,” I say, smiling but also cringing as the toddler in the seat behind me lets out a high-pitched scream.

“Did you meet anyone last night or did you go right to bed?”

“I met some girls when I was in the bathroom,” I lie. “They were really friendly and they live on my floor.”

“See? I knew you’d make friends right away.”

“And that Garret guy stopped by again. He thought you and I were dating. I almost couldn’t stop laughing.”

“Huh. So he’s trying to see if you have a boyfriend.” Ryan gets his overprotective look. “I want you to be careful around these college guys. Keep practicing those self defense moves I taught you and don’t be afraid to use them.”

“Okay, Dad.” I roll my eyes.

“I’m serious. Remember, bony parts meet soft parts equals pain. Jab an elbow in his eye or a knee in his groin.”

“Yeah, enough of that. I’m trying to eat breakfast.”

“I’m just saying. It works. You may need it someday, especially if you’ve got pretty boy knocking on your door all the time. What did he want anyway?”

Pretty boy? I guess Garret is kind of a pretty boy. Like a male model for one of those preppy clothing brands.

“He invited me to a party tonight. I told him I’d go, but I’m sure I won’t.”

“You should go. But go with a group of girls. You shouldn’t get in a car alone with a guy you just met.”

“He said it’s close to campus. We’ll probably just walk there.”

The toddler behind me screams again making me nearly jump from my seat. The screaming doesn’t stop. It’s too loud. Way too loud. My feet start nervously tapping the floor under the table.

Ryan doesn’t seem to notice the noise. “Still, just go with those girls you met. It’s safer.” He pours more syrup on his pancakes.

“You worry way too much. You’re like a 50-year-old stuck in a 21-year-old’s body.”

He keeps his eyes down on his plate and I realize I shouldn’t have said that. I know Ryan doesn’t want to be that way. He wants to be a carefree college student like other guys his age. Instead he’s been forced into this caretaker role for his dad. I suppose that would’ve been my future, too, if my mom hadn’t died. I’d be the responsible caretaker of my drunk, pill-addicted mother.

I kick his foot under the table. “Hey, I didn’t mean anything by that. I like that you’re responsible. I was just kidding.”

He sets his fork down and looks at me across the table. I know that look. And I know I won’t like whatever he’s about to say.