Page 34

CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

“What do you want to do now?” I ask when we’re done with dinner. Garret’s already paid the check and the small restaurant is packed with people waiting for our table.

Garret checks his watch. “It’s only 9. Do you want to see a movie? Or we could get dessert somewhere.”

“I’m stuffed, so no on the dessert. And I don’t really want to see any of the movies that are out. You want to just head back?”

“Not really, but I don’t know what else to do around here.”

I’m sure Garret’s thinking we could stop at a party, but I make a real effort to avoid parties. The last party I went to was a total disaster. I ended up drinking for the first time ever and it totally freaked me out. I felt like I had no control over what I was doing. And the scary thing is that part of me liked that. I actually liked the feeling of giving up control for once. Letting my mind rest while the alcohol took over. I’m sure that’s what got my mother started down the path of becoming an alcoholic. And that’s why I told myself I’d never do it again.

Garret always acts like he’s okay with us not going to parties, but I don’t believe him. This is college for crying out loud. Normal people would be at a party on Saturday night. As much as I remind him of this, he continues to insist that the parties don’t matter to him.

When we leave the restaurant, we walk out into a flurry of white flakes.

“It’s snowing!” I gaze up at it and twirl around with my arms out. I quickly realize how stupid I must look. But I really like snow and the first snow of the year is the best one ever.

Garret watches me. I can’t tell what he’s thinking, but I assume he thinks I’ve lost my mind.

I put my arms down and quit twirling. “Sorry. I get a little excited by snow. It’s dorky, I know. We can go now.”

I start to walk to the car but he catches my waist and draws me into him. He leans down and kisses me. It’s a gentle, sweet kiss that makes me all warm inside. I feel the snowflakes land on my cheeks and peek my eyes open to see them falling. Big, white flakes. I close my eyes again as we continue to kiss.

We hear some people leaving the restaurant and we slowly break apart.

“What was that for?” It’s a dumb question, but I tend to ask dumb questions when I’m not sure what to say.

“I just had to kiss you. I couldn’t help myself.” He smiles, not letting me go. “Your reaction when you saw the snow. I’ve never seen anyone get so excited about snow.”

“Yeah, I’m kind of weird that way. Most people hate snow. But I think there’s something amazing about it.” I stare up at the sky, watching the flakes gently fall. “I mean, each snowflake is so perfect. And each one is different.”

Garret’s watching me again. I look down, feeling self-conscious. “Well, anyway, we should go.”

He nudges my chin up with his hand. “I don’t know how you do it, Jade, but you keep making me like you more.”

“I like you, too.” I say it in a just-friends type of way, but I like him so much more than that. And that scares the shit out of me. I can’t like someone this much.

He walks me to the car, opening my door and closing it once I’m in. On the drive back, the snow falls even harder. Back at campus, at least a couple inches have accumulated on the ground. I get out of the car and attempt to form a snowball, but the snow is too light and fluffy.

We go inside the dorm, stopping at my room. “I’d invite you in but it’s our first date and I don’t want you to think poorly of me.”

He leans against the door. “Are you really sending me home already?” He smiles. “You know, you could come up to my room. I have no problem inviting you up there, even if you do think poorly of me.”

“What would we do up there?” I ask innocently.

“Whatever you want.” His tone isn’t at all flirtatious, so I can’t tell what he means.

“I guess we could watch TV.”

I wait for him to move, but he doesn’t. “Do you want to bring anything?”

I’m confused, but then remember that we recently started a new tradition in which I sleep in his room on Saturday nights.

“Um, no, I don’t think I need anything,” I answer just to see his reaction.

His eyebrows raise. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I can always come back down here if I need something.”

We go up to his room and I race over to open the drapes. “I can’t believe it’s snowing. It’s not even Thanksgiving yet.”

Garret comes up behind me, putting his arms around me and kissing the top of my head.

“Speaking of Thanksgiving, when are you heading home? I assume Ryan’s coming to get you?”

“I’m not going home for Thanksgiving. It’s too far a drive and plane tickets are way too expensive. Plus, I don’t really like planes. I’ve never been on one but—”

He turns me around to face him. “So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“I don’t know yet. Probably catch up on some reading. Maybe start studying for finals. I’m not sure.”

“I mean, like on Thanksgiving day. Where are you going for dinner?”

“I don’t really celebrate Thanksgiving. I’ll just get some groceries for my room. Actually I was going to ask you if you’d give me a ride to the store before you head home for break.”

“You can’t skip Thanksgiving. It’s a major holiday. You have to stuff yourself with turkey and mashed potatoes. You can’t sit here by yourself. Nobody will even be around. Why didn’t you tell me this sooner?”

“Why would I tell you this? Why do you care what I do for Thanksgiving?”

“Because I don’t want you here all alone.”

I try to break free from him, but he doesn’t let me. “Really, Garret. It’s fine. I never do anything for Thanksgiving.”

“Hold on. You said the same thing about your birthday. So you don’t celebrate your birthday. You don’t celebrate Thanksgiving. What about Christmas?”

I need to get him off this topic. Holidays are not something I like to talk about. At Christmas, there were no presents. No Christmas dinner. No tree. No decorations. Just my angry drunk of a mother yelling at me until she passed out.

“I kind of skip Christmas, too.” I try to wiggle free again with no luck. “Let’s watch a movie. What do you want to see?”

Garret doesn’t answer. I glance up to see him looking at me like I’ve just told him the saddest story ever. I hate it when people look at me that way. So what if I missed some stupid holidays? There’s no reason for him to feel sorry for me about that.

“Didn’t you have holidays with Frank and Ryan?”

I sigh, wishing he would just let it go. “Yes. We usually went to a hotel for Thanksgiving dinner and to the casino for Christmas dinner. Frank and Ryan aren’t really into holidays either.”

“You need a real Thanksgiving, Jade. The parade, the dinner, football. You need to experience all of it.”

“No, I don’t. I really don’t care about it. But if it makes you feel better, I’ll come up here and watch the parade on your TV.” It doesn’t seem to satisfy him. He’s still giving me that look. “So what are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“Going to the Cayman Islands. Ever since Katherine came into the picture, she makes us go to some tropical destination for Thanksgiving. I hate it. It’s just not Thanksgiving when it’s 100 degrees outside. We still have the turkey and all that stuff. We have it all catered in, but it’s not the same as being home.”

“When do you leave?”

“The Wednesday before Thanksgiving.”

“Well, I’m sure it won’t be that bad. You get to swim in the ocean. Hang out on the beach.”

That look is still on his face and it’s starting to annoy me.

“Jade, I’m sure you can go to someone’s house for dinner. It’s still over a week away. I’ll ask around.”

“I’m not going, so don’t ask anyone. I’ll be way happier here in my room. Now can we just watch a movie?”

Thankfully, he doesn’t pressure me anymore. I don’t want to argue with him about it. I used to get all upset when everyone else had these holiday celebrations and I didn’t, but I’ve finally moved past it. So the last thing I want is to have Garret telling me what I’m missing out on.

After an hour of watching the movie, I check out the window again and see that even more snow has piled up.

“I have to go outside,” I say, putting my shoes on.

Garret gets up. “Like right now? It’s freezing out.”

“That’s okay. I don’t care. You can stay here if you want.”

“No. I’ll go. Just hold on.” He slips his shoes on and grabs his coat.

We stop at my room to get my coat, then hurry outside. The snow is falling hard, but I can still make out each big fluffy flake.

“This is so great.” I scoop some snow up and toss it in the air. “Don’t you love it?”

Garret’s smiling at me. “I love how happy it makes you.”

“Let’s run in the snow.” I grab his hand and drag him down the sidewalk.

“It’s too slippery.”

“No, it’s not.” I let go of him and take off down the hill.

“Jade, wait.” He follows and I hear him laughing at me. I don’t care if he thinks I’m insane. I’m not missing the first snow.

I run for a few minutes, then stop. Garret catches up and hugs me, lifting my feet off the ground. “You’re completely crazy,” he says, out of breath.

“I know I am,” I say, also out of breath. “That’s why I don’t know why you hang out with me.”

“Are you kidding? I think it’s great that you’re crazy like this.” He sets me down. “It’s one of the reasons I—” he stops, “um, like hanging out with you. Let’s go in. It’s freezing out here.”

“I’m not ready yet.” I reach up and grab his jacket, tugging it toward me. He gets the hint and kisses me. Soft sweet kisses, just like at the restaurant. Kissing Garret in the first snow of the year when nobody’s around and the campus is silent. It’s perfect.

After a few minutes, I break away. “We can go inside now.”

“Really? Because I was starting to enjoy this snow thing.”

“As much as I like the snow, I am getting cold.”

“Then let’s get you inside.” He holds my mitten-covered hand and we start to head back.

“Garret.” I stop walking. “Thanks for the date. I had a really good time.”

He kisses my cheek. “You’re welcome. But the date’s not over yet. Is it?”

“No, it’s not over.” I smile. “I just wanted to say that I had—or am having— fun on the date. That’s all.”

“So are you saying there’ll be another one?”

“Yes. Definitely.”

We go inside, stopping at my room so I can get some clothes to sleep in.

“Jade, let’s stay down here tonight.”

“In my room? Why? Your room is way better and it has the TV.”

“Yeah, but I want to be here in case you get one of those calls again.”

“He only called that one time. I don’t think he’ll call again.”

“You said he called last night.”

“I don’t know if it was him. It could’ve been some kids playing a joke.”

“Let’s just stay here. I’ll go get my stuff.”

He’s gone before I can talk him out of it. I change into pajama pants and a t-shirt. He returns wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt.

Seeing us in our sleep clothes, I realize that our relationship is rather odd. Most couples wouldn’t sleep next to each other like this without it leading somewhere. But then again, maybe it will lead somewhere now that Garret and I are officially dating.

I climb into bed. Garret lies next to me. My blue ceiling lights are glowing above us.

“I’m not tired yet,” he says, turning toward me, his hand resting on my hip.

“I’m not either.” I smile as I flip on my side to face him.

He reaches around my head, burying his fingers in my hair and drawing me in for a slow, sexy kiss that sends a wave of fiery heat through my core. He lowers his hand to my back and pulls me closer. His kisses get faster and more intense and I start to think this is going to lead somewhere. Someplace we haven’t been before.

I feel a flash of nervousness thinking this could lead to sex. And although I want that with him, I’m not sure if I’m ready. At least not tonight. Plus, I don’t really know what I’m doing. The one and only time I had sex it lasted for about a minute. When it was over, I wasn’t even sure I’d had sex. Okay, obviously I knew I had sex but it was over so fast that I didn’t learn anything from it. And it definitely didn’t live up to the hype. I like to pretend it didn’t even happen.

Garret slips his hand under my shirt, a move he hasn’t even attempted before, despite the fact that I wanted him to. My breathing becomes fast and uneven as I feel him cup my breast and run his thumb along the tip.

I nudge his shirt up, urging him to take it off. He does and I run my hand along his bare chest. I sit up slightly encouraging him to take my shirt off as well, but he doesn’t.

“Go ahead,” I whisper.

“I don’t want to rush it,” he whispers back.

Rush it? Rush what? It’s just a shirt and his hand’s up there anyway so what’s the big deal? It’s not the time to argue about it, so I lie back down, just happy that he’s finally touching me this way.

I feel his heart beating fast under my hand which is still on his chest. He playfully licks my bottom lip, then kisses it. My pulse kicks up another notch as his hand trails down my stomach, just above the waistband of my pajama pants. I wait for him to go farther. When he doesn’t I work my hand down his rock hard abs and under his sweats, rubbing my palm along the front of his boxers.

“Jade,” he groans softly against my lips.

My hand runs up and down the length of him. I’ve never touched him this way. I’ve never even seen what he has going on down there. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but now that I know it’s totally turning me on. I should’ve known it’d be as perfect as the rest of him.

I’m dying for him to do more to me but his hand is still at my stomach. As if he can read my mind, he finally slides it under my pajama pants.

And then the phone rings.

The sound startles us both and we freeze for a second. It rings again but I’m not letting the phone interrupt this. “Just ignore it.”

Garret sits up. “It could be that guy calling.”

I lie on my back, annoyed. “Who cares? He can call back later.”

The phone keeps ringing. Garret gets up to answer it.

“Wait. Let me get it.” I bolt past him toward the phone. “He won’t say anything if you answer. And if it’s Frank or Ryan, I don’t want them knowing you’re in my room this late.”

I pick up the phone. “Hello?”

At first there’s silence, then I hear him talking. It’s the same deep voice. “You didn’t do as you were told, Jade. Get rid of the letter. This is your last warning.”