Page 40

Chapter 40

Jay

“ H ow’d it go at the PD?” My father skipped the pleasantries when Ma and I arrived in the waiting room on Cate’s wing Monday morning.

It was tough giving a detailed play by play, but I’d gotten through it. They’d given me a signed report for my insurance claim, plus anything else that needed to be replaced. “Fine,” I said.

I wasn’t about to rehash the ordeal in front of my mom.

Not because I thought she was soft or fragile; she wasn’t. She was tough as fuck, especially when her Mama Bear instincts kicked in. But she didn’t need to hear the details, not when I could still see the fear and stress in her eyes.

She hugged my father, who kissed the top of her head before pulling back and tipping her face up. “How are you holding up? ”

“Shouldn’t you be asking our son that?” she corrected him with her question.

“I asked you, but if it’ll make you feel better, Jay, how are you holding up?”

“I’m fine, Dad. How’s Cate?” I wasn’t in the mood for games. “Can I see her?”

“She’s awake, and doing well. Her father’s with her. I think it’s best if you give them more time.”

Not what I wanted to hear. I need to see her. Talk to her . Ignoring my father’s suggestion, I headed towards the door. Before I could knock, he grabbed my arm. “Son, that’s not a good idea. They need time together and you barging in there will complicate things.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” I huffed at him. Shockingly, my mom didn’t correct my choice of words when she put her hand on my arm to offer comfort.

“It means now isn’t the time to tell her how you feel,” he answered. His voice was calm, but his expression made it clear he was issuing an order.

Dumping my feelings wasn’t on the agenda. I’d already done that, when she was unconscious, like a fucking coward. I didn’t plan on doing it again, especially in front of her father.

I lowered my voice, practically begging, “I need to see her, Dad.” Now that she was awake, I needed to hear her say she was okay, because the image of blood staining her shirt refused to leave my mind.

“I promise you, she’s okay,” he offered.

It wasn’t enough. I opened my mouth to argue but one look at my father and I knew there was nothing I could say to change his mind. The devil on my shoulder told me to fight, the angel told me to choose my battles carefully.

I listened to the angel. Gripping the back of my neck, I said, “Fine. I’ll come back after lunch.”

Sympathy radiated off my mom as my father shook his head. “Give them today.”

Why? Had her father told mine to keep me away?

He added, “I’ll call General Maxwell and figure out a good time for you to visit. Tomorrow.”

So the General was calling the shots. Does he blame me? Is that why he won’t let me see Cate? Not that I could blame him, I should have done more to protect her.

Which explained why I was so desperate to see her. If she could tell me she was okay, maybe I could let go of some of the guilt.

Going against the need I felt in every cell of my body, I nodded.

“Let’s grab some lunch,” my dad offered.

During lunch, Ma told me everyone was coming over for a family dinner. Her less-than-subtle hint that she expected me to be there was unnecessary.

“I planned a video chat with Madi, she’s worried about you,” Ma added.

“Why?” I found it hard to believe anyone would’ve told her I was missing in action.

“Why?” she asked, incredulously. “Because your big sister loves you and you were missing for four days.” Her voice went up an octave or two .

I was wrong. “You told her?” I asked, knowing it was a stupid question since she obviously had. Not wanting to start an argument, I joked, “What, didn’t you trust Dad to find me?” I laughed as I reached across the table and squeezed her hand.

Dad’s eyes sparkled, the only hint at his humor.

“I. He.” She laughed, “Don’t turn this on me.”

“Because I trusted him, one hundred percent.” I picked up my water and held it up in salute. “Thanks, Dad.”

“Any time, Son. Though I’d prefer not having to do it again.”

We clinked glasses. “Noted.”

“You look like shit, Little Brother.”

“Good to see you, too, Madi,” I answered. Ma said Madi was worried, but from her greeting it was obvious she’d been kept in the loop.

It felt weird being on this side of the video. Until a few months ago, I had to video chat from whatever Marine base I was on. Now Madi was the only Sheppard still serving active duty, though she planned on leaving the Navy when her enlistment ended.

“Seriously, though, I’m glad you’re okay. Ma said you’re in bad shape, but Dad said your injuries aren’t too bad, so I didn’t know what to expect.” As a Navy corpsman, and a soon to be civilian nurse practitioner, Madi wouldn’t shy away from the gory details .

Not that I’d share them.

“A lot of bruises and a couple of fractured ribs.” I shrugged. “I’ve had worse.”

My mom’s sharp intake of breath caused both my brothers to punch me, one on each arm.

“What the hell was that for?”

“For scaring Ma,” they said together. Damn it. I hated it when they teamed up on me. Even more so when they were right.

“Sorry, Ma.”

Madi laughed, “Can’t wait to come home in July and see you guys, even if you are a pain in the ass.”

“They started it.” I laughed.

Ignoring me, Jamie asked, “You’ll definitely be home for my wedding?”

“I wouldn’t dream of missing my little brother’s wedding.” She teased him.

“Twenty-two minutes, Madi,” he replied. Their running joke was as old as I could remember. Probably older. As the only girl, Madi loved being the oldest child. Even if it was only by twenty-two minutes.

“Meg!” Madi screeched.

“Sorry I’m late. Morning sickness isn’t just in the morning.” Meg looked a little green around the edges.

“Can I do anything?” Jack asked, pulling her onto his lap.

“You’re a good husband, Jack,” Madi said, her hands over her heart as she watched Jack fawn over Meg.

“I’m okay now,” Meg reassured him. “Did I miss anything good? ”

“Just my brothers being shitheads,” Madi said with a laugh.

We all grumbled, but she talked over us. “I can’t wait to meet my first niece or nephew.”

“We’re happy you’ll be home to stay before he or she is born, so he or she doesn’t have to meet you over video chat,” Meg said.

“You and me both,” Madi agreed. “So, Jay, speaking of love.” We weren’t . “I hear you’ve got a thing for a former FBI agent?”

“What? No.” Maybe . “Who told you that?” No way would I have this conversation here, now. For all I know, Cate will go back to hating me now that the ordeal is over .

I didn’t really believe that, but I didn’t think she felt the same way I did. It didn’t help I was starting to question my own feelings. What if it was some version of Stockholm Syndrome that made me think I was in love with her?

I grinned, thinking Cate would know the correct term.

“I think he doth protest too much,” Meg said.

“It’s not like that. We suffered through hell together, so it’s normal for me to want to make sure she’s okay.” I sounded lame as I excused my behavior.

Not wanting to see them smirking at me, I refused to look at anyone.

“Whatever you say, but I expect updates from you more often now that you’re not hiding away in the dessert.”

“I’d hardly call it hiding.” I’d gone dark for missions, but I wasn’t hiding.

“We didn’t know where you were,” Madi said.

“No, but The Marine Corps did,” I laughed as I answered .

“Fine.” She rolled her eyes. “It sucked that we rarely got to talk. I’ve missed you.”

“Missed you, too.” I didn’t have to fake the emotion behind it. I was closest to Madi growing up because she always stuck up for me. And she’d never called me a mistake.

“So, you’ll call me when something happens with you and Maxwell?”

Covered snickers filled the room. Damn it .

“I wouldn’t wait for that, since it isn’t likely to happen. I don’t want you giving me shi-crap because I waited too long.”

I saw the question in her eyes as she tilted her head to the side, her hazel eyes laser-focused as she studied me through the camera.

Every single member of my family saw through my bullshit. But just because I had feelings for Cate didn’t mean she had them for me.

Before she could ask any questions, Dad cut in, “Let your mother and I have some time with our daughter.”

Thanks, Dad . I wasn’t ready to have that conversation with anyone. Not even myself.