Page 30

Chapter 30

Cate

T he foghorn ripped me from my fitful sleep. I wasn’t the only one. Jaden sprang to his feet in a flash and stalked to the middle of the cage. I was slower to get up, my energy waning as my body tried healing with a calorie deficit.

“How courteous of you to meet me half way on this sunny afternoon.” Roman always found a way to bring manners into the conversation.

We didn't respond.

When Roman asked who he should take, Jaden stepped forward. Giving Roman exactly what he wanted. He laughed and said, “Maxwell it is.”

He knows it’ll kill Jaden, the typical protective alpha male, to wait in the dark while he questions, and beats, me.

The sun was up, which meant it was Friday. We’d been here a day and a half. I prayed to every deity I could think of for John and the rest of SSI to find us sooner rather than later. There was no doubt in my mind they’d use every resource at their disposal, including my former boss. The FBI had resources SSI didn’t, and a former FBI agent gone missing wasn’t something they’d take lightly.

But will they find us in time?

We followed the same routine: I was bound to the chair, he asked me questions, I refused to answer.

Only this time, his goons hit me harder, and Franks shocked me longer. By the time they finished, I could barely hold my head up.

I didn’t want to lean on Franks as he escorted me down the stairs but I didn’t have a choice.

Once again, Jaden stood at the far corner of our cell while they uncuffed me. I stared at him as he stared at the gun pointed at my head, a low, steady growl emanating from him. The cords in his neck standing out as he ground his back teeth together hard enough to turn coal into diamond.

My arms fell to my sides when the cuffs were removed. Staring at Jaden, I borrowed his strength to keep myself standing until I heard the basement door close.

As darkness engulfed us, my knees gave out. Whimpering, I sank to the ground. Before my head could hit the concrete, two strong arms caught me and scooped me up.

Jaden carried me to the back wall and used it to support his back as he slid to the floor, holding me close to his chest. Protecting me.

He smelled awful. The bitter scent of his pain and fear mixing with the metallic scent of my blood.

I probably smell worse .

Jaden held me, rocking back and forth in the silence.

I didn’t like showing weakness, but there was literally nothing I could do to stop the tears rolling down my cheeks. I was exhausted and everything hurt. Wanting to hold onto anger instead of fear, I focused on Roman’s sleazy, snake-like smile.

But it didn’t work. My body shook with memories of the cattle prod and the punches to my face and gut. Years of boxing competitively hadn’t come close to preparing me for this. Neither had the basic level of SERE training I had as a Marine.

Thankfully, the cold room stayed silent. The hand wiping the tears from my cheeks with a feather-light touch brought me back to the present. Despite his gentleness, I groaned at the touch.

“I’m sorry,” Jaden apologized.

“It’s okay.” Nothing was okay, but what could I say? He wasn’t trying to hurt me, and I didn’t want him to stop comforting me.

After a few minutes Jaden started singing, his deep voice soothing as he sang softly.

Is that Arabic? I’d learned a little when I was in the Marines, so it sounded vaguely familiar.

“Is that Arabic?”

His chest rumbled when he chuckled. The shaking reminding me just how much my body hurt. “It is.”

“Do you speak it or did you just learn the song?”

“I’m almost fluent. ”

What? “I did not know that about you.” I wondered what else I didn’t know.

“Most people don’t.”

Why not? Before I could ask, he asked me if I spoke it.

“Not really, but I learned a little when I was stationed overseas,” I answered.

“I know you speak several languages, but not which ones.”

“Spanish and French. You?”

“Some Spanish,” he answered. “How are you feeling? Think you can drink some water?”

I felt well enough to drink, but weak as fuck. “I don’t think I can stand yet.”

“Then we’ll sit here until you can.” Jaden’s low, deep voice more comforting than his words.

My mind raced with questions while we sat in the cold, dark silence. I couldn’t stop thinking about how different Jaden seemed as I sipped my water.

“Jaden?”

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Are we back to the game?” he chuckled.

“Sure.” I didn’t mind playing, but I wouldn’t have to answer my next question.

“Why do you hide your intelligence?”

He laughed. “Damn, Maxwell, you're not pulling your punches.”

It hurt to laugh with him. The deflection told me he wasn’t comfortable with the question. Duh . The delay told me he was searching for the right words .

“Because, I was never as good in school as Jaime and Madi, or as clever as Jack. When I realized I couldn’t compare, I stopped trying. Besides, I was a mistake, so it never really mattered.”

I tucked the mistake statement away for later because I needed more time to process it.

“You know none of them think that, right? I haven’t been at SSI long-”

“Longer than me.”

I ignored his attempt to change the subject. He needed to hear this, in case we died here. When the thought made me shiver, he hugged me close and gently rubbed my arms to warm me up.

He has no idea what an incredible man he is .

“I haven’t been at SSI long, but your father and brothers have done nothing but praise you, the man you’ve turned into. They’re proud of you.”

My heartbeat was the only way to count the passage of time as I waited for him to respond.

“So they keep telling me, but it’s hard to believe. I’ve felt inferior my whole life. That’s one of the reasons I wanted to be a fireman instead of a cop.”

Why hadn't he? I could understand wanting to avoid direct comparison, which he’d do by being the only Sheppard male not on the police force. Well, he would’ve been if SSI hadn’t happened . I remembered Jack saying he would’ve joined the local PD but bought into SSI instead.

So why did Jay join SSI instead of becoming a fireman ?

Wanting to talk about the more pressing matter, I added it to the list of things to ask him about later. “You know that feeling isn’t unique to you. I never felt like I was good enough and I’m an only child.” I said, hoping to get through to him.

It shouldn’t have mattered to me how he perceived himself or his place in his family, but it did. And I couldn’t let him die thinking he was a mistake. Expendable.

“What do you mean, you never felt good enough? You’re brilliant.”

Ignoring the compliment, I whispered, “I wasn’t good enough for my mom to stick around.” I rarely talked about her leaving, but it felt right telling Jaden. “She left because my dad couldn’t give her what she wanted. She claimed she felt like a single mom, and hated it.” Just say it . “I wasn’t enough for her.” The only other person I’d ever shared the details with was my best friend Charlie.

“Wow.” I could hear the shock and disgust in his voice.

“Yeah,” I said around a chuckle that hurt my bruised ribs.

“You know that wasn’t about you, right?”

Logically I did, but it'd left one hell of a scar. “I do.”

“What about your dad?”

“He did the best he could, but he really is married to the Marines. I was raised by an ever changing community of officers’ wives.” I paused to sip my water. “It could’ve been worse, but I never felt like I belonged.”

“I’m sorry.” For the first time, I realized having siblings might not have helped; Jaden grew up in a big family and still felt out of place .

“Because my father was gone so much, I had to take care of the house. It didn’t help that he’d be upset if I left a mess and would praise me anytime he came home to a clean house.”

“You had to grow up too fast.”

I had, and I developed OCD tendencies because of it. The need to be clean, organized, and perfect to feel worthy of love was as much a part of me as my red hair.

Most people thought it was cool I had so much in common with my father, but it hadn’t happened naturally. They didn’t know I’d made a lot of my decisions to please him. Boxing, getting an advanced degree, joining the Marines, and becoming an officer.

I forced myself to be like him so he’d love me. I killed myself to get good grades and excel at everything so he’d love me. I strived to be perfect so he’d love me.

I didn’t regret my choices; they’d made me the woman I was. And while there are a few things I wouldn’t mind changing, I’m proud of who I am . It wasn’t until I decided to leave the Marines that I broke the cycle. Unlike my father, I never wanted to be a lifer. Wanting to use my degree as a profiler instead, I applied to the FBI.

Investigating was my favorite part of being in the FBI, which was why it was easy to transition to the private sector when shit went bad.

“I did.”

Jaden rubbed my back, offering support, while we sat in silence. When the strobe started again, I curled up in his lap. He tucked me into his chest, using his body to block out most of the light .

The steady rhythm of his breathing, the gentle thump thump of his heart, and the warmth from his body offered me peace I hadn’t experienced since waking up in the limo.

No, it’s been longer than that .

When the light finally stopped, the alarm started. I blocked my ears the best I could while listing every teacher I’d had since kindergarten. I failed, no longer physically or emotionally strong enough to fight off the intrusive sound.

It lasted forever. I don’t care that Jaden said he only recited the Raider’s creed seventeen times .

When the foghorn blasted, Jaden set me down on the floor and walked to the middle of the cage, the loss of his warmth caused me to shiver.

Three men delivered our sack lunches. After they left, Jaden grabbed them and brought them back. “I’ll test the chips for air leaks. If there aren’t any, I want you to eat.”

“What about you?” I asked.

“You first, you’ve taken the worst of it and need the calories more than I do.”

After a few seconds, the sound of the bag opening made my mouth fill with saliva. God, I’m hungry .

“Here, eat.” He trailed his hand down my arm to find my hand and pressed the bag into it. “Slowly.”

“Yes, sir.”

His chuckle filled the silence. Two heartbeats later, the crinkle of another bag opening joined my crunching.

“Do you like sour cream and onion?” he asked.

“I do, but if you want them, I don’t mind trading.” I held my bag out to him .

“Nope, we have the same kind.”

Our stomachs rumbled adding to the sound of the crinkling bags and crunching chips.

“The cookies are sealed, too.”

“Gimme,” I said before I could censor myself.

He chuckled. “Okay, just give me a sec to check for air leaks.”

I’d never wanted a cookie so much in my life, so of course it took forever.

“Here.”

I took a bite. “Oatmeal raisin. Yuck.” I kept chewing, spitting the raisins into my free hand. “Can you give me one of the bags?”

Jaden said he liked oatmeal raisin and offered to switch if his was different; it wasn’t.

The chips and cookies weren’t enough to please my empty stomach, but they took the edge off.

Now we wait . Eating was a calculated risk, but one worth taking. Our bodies needed the fuel to heal. Especially mine.

When Jaden came back from tossing the bags out of the cage, he sat beside me and said. “My turn.”

He asked me why I really left the FBI. Damn him .

Like he had done earlier, I took a moment to think about my answer.

I gave him the highlight reel. I’d dated a guy from a different Special Victims Unit team, Gavin. Things were great at first, and while we worked in the same office, we were on different teams so I didn’t feel like I was breaking the unwritten rules about dating a co-worker.

“When we applied for the same position, a promotion, he turned on me. Instead of earning it on his merits, he destroyed my reputation.”

Jaden’s growl echoed in the dark space.

“I thought I was falling in love with him, but he was only using me. He told everyone who’d listen that I offered to sleep my way to the top.”

His growl was longer and louder this time. It felt nice, him not only believing me, but taking my side, especially since it seemed like no one else had. Except Jones . In hindsight, I think that’s why he brought me to Weatherford last year.

“It wasn’t true-”

“Never doubted it.”

“But it was enough to ruin my reputation. Initially, I told myself I’d wait it out and look for a position in a different office, but I couldn’t handle the never ending snide remarks, leering, or suggestive printouts left on my desk.”

“You didn’t report him, any of them?”

“No, the FBI is a lot like the military. They’d punish the guilty, but I’d suffer for it.” I wanted to believe it wasn’t like that in every office, but I’d heard horror stories from other women. “That’s how I ended up at SSI.”

“Is that why you keep your distance from us?”

It wasn’t because I didn’t think they were good men, people. It’s because I’m afraid of getting hurt . When Jaden asked if I remembered any red flags from Gavin, I told him I did.

Sadly, the list was embarrassing long, but the ones that stood out the most were his complete lack of respect for my time, poking fun at my need for order, and his inability to apologize.

If only I’d seen them sooner .

“Do you get any from anyone at SSI?”

I thought about it, logically. Clinically.

I didn’t. Then again, I wasn’t dating any of them. Gavin had damaged my ability to trust anyone, personally or professionally.

“No.” Not even with Jaden, he’d pissed me off on numerous occasions but it felt more like polar opposites butting heads than red flag behavior.

“I’m sorry I made fun of you for being so organized.”

“Thanks.” My tone fell flat, not because I wasn’t grateful for the apology but because I was preoccupied with wondering why similar behavior hadn’t felt like a red flag with Jaden.

“Catelyn,” That’s new, he’s never used my first name before . “I mean it. Your neat desk always made me feel messy and I took it personally.” He laughed. “Christ, I was a ass, wasn’t I?”

And that was why it never felt like a red flag. Deep down, I understood his motivations.

“A little, yeah. But I forgive you.”