Page 38 of Blood Ties

Riley

D ays blur together , each of them agonizingly long. Kai occasionally stops by to drop off food and drink, but he won’t look me in the eye, and I can’t bring myself to speak to him. Does he know that Knox came down here? Would he care?

I’m consumed with a tumble of confusing emotions, fear and anger and guilt and regret. I don’t know what to think about Kai anymore, nor how to feel about the fact that he’s ignoring me.

Knox doesn’t come again, either. But sometimes I hear the two of them talking in the kitchen up above, the low rumbles of their voices alternating in easy conversation. They sound... fine. Normal.

The more time passes, the more I realize how badly I screwed up.

My goal has always been to keep Kai on my side.

But at a critical moment, I let fear get the better of me, and I pushed him away — right into his brother’s waiting arms. I suspect this is exactly what Knox wanted.

He might just have planned the whole thing to shake my hold on Kai and tighten his own grip on him.

You thought you won, Knox said. Like this has all been a game. Maybe it is, to him — an entertaining round of tug-of-war over his brother.

I need to find a way to get Kai back before I lose him entirely.

Because my entire survival depends on him.

But also... also because I feel bad for the way I reacted.

I don’t know exactly what happened with those girls the other day, but whatever he did, it was Knox’s fault, not his.

It must have left him hurt and vulnerable.

And... I miss him. Our quiet nights together, the way he looked at me, the way he smiled when he made a breakthrough in our lessons. Every time I try to read to distract myself, it reminds me of him.

Finally, one night, the door creaks open.

The smell of hot food reaches me before Kai does.

I’m salivating as he sets the plate of bacon and eggs in front of me, my hands shaky with hunger.

Yet instead of grabbing the meal like I desperately want to, I reach for him. But he pulls away, avoiding my gaze.

“Kai,” I whisper. “Talk to me.”

He stares down at the floor. “What’s there to say?”

I crawl to the edge of the mattress, on my knees, ignoring the plate of food even as my stomach rumbles with need.

“I’m sorry about what I said before,” I say, desperate to find the right words that will stop him from slipping between my fingers and disappearing forever. “I know you wouldn’t hurt anyone—”

“But I did,” he says, and I stop talking. He slowly lifts his gaze to mine. “Because of... for you I had to—” He stops, sucks in a shaky breath.

“Kai,” I whisper, reaching for him again, but he’s beyond the reach of my shackled wrist.

“I had to,” he says again, louder, almost yelling, and I flinch back. But then I look up at him — trembling, eyes wet — and realize the emotion that’s cracking his voice isn’t anger. It’s guilt.

“Oh, Kai,” I breathe.

He drops to the concrete, so fast and sudden that his knees crack against it. Long hair conceals him as he bows his head and lets out a wordless sound of pain.

“No,” he says, his voice breaking. “It was my fault. It was all my fault. All of this is my fault.” His fingers tear at his own hair, his spine bending as though under some great weight. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. I’m sorry, Riley, I’m sorry, I’m sorry—”

Instinct drives me toward him instead of away. I strain to the end of my chain to reach for him — but I can’t quite touch him, can’t wrap my arms around him like I want to. My manacled hand reaches out uselessly between us.

“Kai,” I whisper.

His shoulders shake, and he bites down on one knuckle to muffle a sob. He doesn’t even look up to see me reaching for him. He’s far away, deep in his own head.

I don’t have to read his thoughts to suspect what’s going on there.

Just like I didn’t have to see what happened to know that Knox somehow twisted this mess into Kai’s responsibility.

Just another fucked-up, manipulative game of his.

A way of pulling Kai away from me and toward him, trapping him with the family he deserves to escape.

If I don’t reach him somehow, I’ll lose him.

“You aren’t like them,” I tell Kai, desperate. “I don’t care what you did, you’re not. ”

He finally lifts his head, face streaked with tears as he looks at me. “I’m a murderer,” he says. “I’m a monster.”

“You’re not!” I strain against my shackles so hard that it hurts, my fingers grasping at nothing, mere inches from the man I so desperately want to touch.

He just stares at me. No — he stares through me.

“Kai, please.” I suck in a shaky breath.

My heart is pounding. Even though he’s just inches away from me, it feels like he’s drifting further, tumbling into some dark abyss where I’ll never be able to find him.

“You aren’t like them. I know you. You are kind and gentle and smart.

You are better than this. You deserve better.

You deserve to be loved. And I—” I stop, breath shuddering, as I realize what I have to say. “I do.”

My words finally seem to reach him. He blinks, focuses on me, searching my face. “What?”

I meet his gaze without hesitation. “I love you.”

Kai stares at me. He shuffles toward me, still on his knees. There’s something agonized in his expression. Something desperate. “Say it again,” he says, his voice hoarse.

“I love you.” I reach for him, tangle my fingers in his silky hair.

“Riley,” he groans, climbing onto the edge of the mattress.

I wrap my arms around his neck. “I love you, Kai.”

He kisses me, and I kiss back. Eager, tender, desperate, until I’m not sure whose tears I’m tasting. I whisper it again and again, that heavy word — love — until I’m not sure whether or not I’m lying to him.

I kiss his nose, his jaw, his neck. I take his hand and kiss his knuckles. When I flip it to kiss his palm, the sight of raw, red skin makes my chest seize. “Kai...”

“I’m sorry,” he says, for the millionth time. He tries to pull away, but I press my lips ever so gently to the fresh burn.

“I love you,” I tell him again. “All of you.” I shift closer, reaching for his shirt. “So... let me see all of you.”

After a moment’s hesitation, he pulls his shirt up and over his head, baring his scars to me. I kiss my way down his chest, his scarred stomach, and reach for his zipper.

“I want to be your first,” I say. No matter the risk, it will be worth it to take that final step and truly tie him to me.

But he shakes his head, looking at the shackle on my wrist. “Not tonight,” he says. “Not like this.”

It’s not exactly a promise, but hope warms my chest.

“Okay,” I whisper. “But I still want you naked.”

He lets me undress him, piece by piece, and then returns the favor.

He worships every part of my body that he reveals.

His mouth against my collarbone, his palms on my breasts, breath ghosting over my stomach as he lowers himself between my thighs.

He glances up at me, his dark eyes heavily lidded, and at my encouraging nod he lowers his face between my legs.

I gasp at the slide of his tongue against my core. He moans at the first taste of me, and I tangle my fingers in his hair, shivering with pleasure as he licks me again and again. He’s thorough but slow, taking his time with me until I’m squirming and panting.

“You should... ah .” I whimper as he sucks my clit, my hips lifting off the mattress.

He looks up at me, licking his lips. “I should...?”

I flush, biting my lip. “Just keep going. Please.”

It turns out he doesn’t need instruction after all.

He already knows my body and how to read the signs of my pleasure.

He notices every gasp, every whimper, every arch, and coaxes more out of me with tongue and lips and teeth until he has me writhing.

I come hard with my legs squeezing his head, and then again as he grips my hips and lifts me up like he can’t get enough of me.

He seems like he wants to be between my thighs forever, but I push him onto his back and insist on going down on him with the same enthusiasm.

Soon we’re both laid out, panting and spent, sticky with tears and each other.

Pleasure and pain all tangled up between us.

Kai holds me so close against him it’s like he’s trying to crawl inside my skin, and I can’t keep my hands off of him.

Stroking his face, running my fingers through his hair, needy for reassurance that he’s still here, still mine, after I almost lost him.

“Was that a first, too?” I ask. “You were really good at it.”

He huffs a laugh, nuzzles closer against me. “You’re my first everything, Riley.”

“ Everything ?” I pull back to look at him again. “So, that night we played spin the bottle... Was I your first kiss?”

He turns red. Fuck, he’s cute when he gets shy. “Yeah,” he says. “Mostly.”

I lift my eyebrows. “Mostly?”

“Technically my cousin kissed me once,” he says. “When we were kids, I mean. It wasn’t... weird.” A pause. “I guess it’s still weird. She’s... definitely weird. But it wasn’t— I mean— I didn’t know—”

I laugh despite myself. “It’s okay, Kai. It’s not that weird.” Though when I think of the possibility that there’s more of this horrible family out there somewhere, my amusement quickly dries up. “But you’re a good-looking guy. You were never seeing anyone?”

He props his head up with his elbow. “From where?”

“I don’t know. Town?”

“I don’t go into town,” he says. “I don’t leave the house.” He looks away. “And when Knox has people over, I usually don’t leave my room.”

That’s right. I had almost forgotten that I had to coax him to spend time with us, that first night. It all feels so far away now.

But... that’s another dangerous line of conversation to follow.

I don’t want to think about the people Knox brings home, or what happens to them.

Definitely don’t want him thinking of those girls again.

“So your cousin was the only girl you’ve ever met before me?

” And May . A memory of her quick smile bubbles up, but I push it back down, chest aching as I realize how long it’s been since I thought of her.

“I... guess? Aside from, like, brief encounters with Knox’s...” He pauses, eyes darting away guiltily. “Plus, I mean, my Momma.”

I sit up, curious. That’s right — he mentioned his mom once before, but I was too distracted to pursue the line of conversation.

I guess I knew she had to have existed at one point, but it’s hard to wrap my head around the idea.

Was she a part of the family and their fucked-up ways?

There’s no polite way to ask, but I don’t want to let this moment die when he’s being vulnerable with me. “Do you want to talk about her?”

“Oh... uh...” His expression flickers. He clears his throat.

“Yeah, I dunno. Uh, no one in my family ever wants to talk about her, really. She, um... introduced me to music. She would sing and dance when I was a kid. And she loves the animals, too. She was the one who gave names to the chickens, because she said they deserved them. She taught me how to cook, and...” He trails off.

There’s a soft look on his face when he talks about his mom, and it makes me smile. “She sounds like a lovely woman.”

“She is.”

I blink. From the way he spoke, I thought she was long dead. “Is she...? Where is she?”

He jerks his head upwards. “Upstairs.”

“She’s here ?” I frown.

“Yeah. In the attic.”

That’s... weird. But not as weird as the fact that I haven’t heard her voice or caught a glimpse of a woman since I arrived here. “Sorry, I just— I haven’t heard her around the house, is all I mean.”

“She stays in her room.” He pauses. “She’s not... well.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” I say, automatically. But there’s a twinge of discomfort in my belly, a gut instinct that something isn’t right. She’s in the attic. She doesn’t leave her room. “Is she, um...? How long has she been sick? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah,” he says, a little too quickly. “I mean she’s not... physically sick. It’s more...” He grimaces, points at his temple. “In her head.”

“Oh.” I bite my lip to stop myself from saying anything more. It’s not my business. Not my place.

“She’s been that way for a long time,” Kai says, picking at a hole in my blanket. “Since I was a kid. I bring her food, take care of her. She can’t really look after herself.”

That knot in my gut tightens, swells. An even worse realization is dawning on me. “Oh,” I say. Without meaning to, I look at the food wrappers on the mattress beside me. The manacle locked around my wrist.

Kai follows my gaze. His eyes widen. “Oh, no,” he says. “I mean she’s not... no. She’s not like you.”

I pause, trying to think of something to say, but nothing comes to mind. The silence stretches out.

“She’s not,” Kai repeats, insistent.

“No, yeah, I wasn’t trying to imply anything,” I say. “Sorry. We don’t have to talk about her if it’s making you uncomfortable.”

“It’s fine,” he says. But there’s a crease between his brows, and his gaze keeps drifting back to my shackled wrist. After a moment, he clears his throat and sits up. “I should go check on her, though, actually. I’ve been here a while.”

“Of course.” I lean in to kiss him, but he turns without seeming to realize that’s what I’m going for. My lips glance over his cheek, and we both pause. Awkward. “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say, trying to smooth the moment over.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, but it’s almost like he doesn’t hear me at all.

I chew my lip as I watch him walk up the stairs, and pull my almost-forgotten plate of food onto my lap.

But even as I finally fill my empty stomach, the thought I’ve been trying to suppress finally rises to the surface of my mind: he didn’t say it back.

I told him I loved him a dozen times, and he never once said it back to me.