Page 20 of Blood Ties

Riley

I tense every time I hear footsteps on the floor above, but the door at the top of the stairwell stays locked all day after Kai brought me breakfast. Hours pass. I thought it would be a relief to be left alone, but it’s worse to be trapped with my thoughts.

Did I push Kai too hard? Did I make a mistake telling Knox I hate him?

Anxiety and hunger are twin aches in my stomach.

I drink from the sink and wash myself as best as I can.

I still feel grimy when I’m done. My hair is dry and greasy at the same time.

My skin is raw. I sit on the mattress, wrap myself in my moth-eaten blanket, and try to sleep, but it doesn’t work. I can’t stop thinking.

The hours pass with torturous slowness, while my brain runs over my last interactions with both brothers. If Knox is going to keep visiting me, that will make things even more complicated. Should I pretend I want him too, or will I lose Kai by doing that?

I can’t deny that Knox is attractive on a physical level, and he’s obviously experienced at doling out both pain and pleasure.

My body was eager to respond to him against my own will.

But I can’t look at him without remembering him cutting Felix’s throat open.

I’m not sure I can feign feelings for him through the fear and hatred.

And Knox is never going to set me free. Kai’s my only hope of that, and even he’s a long shot. Still, Knox will probably kill me if I don’t hold his interest...

Of course, now, it’s easy to think of all the things I should — or shouldn’t have — said or done.

I thought that the worst thing I had to fear was some member of this fucked-up family taking a knife to me.

But now I think the worst fate would be this: left alone to slowly starve and rot away in the dark.

I read to fill the time, setting aside the romcom for the familiar comforts of The Chronicles of Narnia. But the words all blur together after a while, and the sink is dripping again.

When books fail me, I fill the silence by talking to myself about my friends.

I can’t let myself forget them or why I have to survive.

“Caleb was going to be a chemist,” I tell myself in the darkness, relishing the ache in my chest. He was so smart.

“Felix was going to be a personal trainer.” He always wanted to help people.

He would’ve been so good at it. “May...” My voice catches on her name, the memory of her bubbly laughter.

My beautiful, brilliant best friend. “May was going to be a nurse.”

A tear slips down my cheek. “I was going to be a teacher,” I whisper, letting myself mourn that future, too.

Just when I finally doze off, the creak of the door jerks me awake. Instinct urges me to shrink back against the wall, but I resist it. I crawl to the edge of my mattress on my hands and knees and wait. Whoever is here to see me, I need to find a way to get on their good side.

I’m prepared to try with Knox, but I’m relieved to see Kai instead.

He’s carrying a plastic bag in one hand and a napkin bearing food in the other.

It’s a sandwich — hard bread, processed cheese, and a single thin slice of unidentifiable meat.

I tear into the paltry meal the second he hands it over.

“I got you something,” he says.

I swallow a lump of dry bread and remember I’m trying to be appealing. “Oh?” I ask, attempting to pick more daintily at the remains of the sandwich.

He opens the plastic bag and shows me: shampoo, toothpaste, a jug of water, some protein bars, fresh toilet paper.

Tears prick the corners of my eyes and my chest goes tight. I never thought such simple things would mean so much.

He glances away. Rakes his fingers through his long hair, looking sheepish. “It’s not much, but in case I can’t make it down here for a couple days or whatever...”

I sit back and try to savor the last couple bites of my sandwich. “Will that happen often?”

He shrugs. “It depends how much my dad needs me to do.”

I swallow the last of my meal and resist the urge to lick my fingers.

Instead I sit back and study his face while he avoids eye contact.

This close, I can see a spray of freckles across the bridge of his nose and flecks of green in his brown eyes.

Such a sad, pretty boy. He would be exactly my type if he wasn’t a fucking psychopath.

At least it will make it easier to pretend.

“I missed you today,” I whisper.

He looks up, finally meeting my eyes. “You don’t have to lie like that.”

“I’m not lying.” I reach out and gently twine my fingers with his. His hands are so big, his fingers long and calloused. “You’re the only nice thing about this place. You’re the only one looking after me. How could I not miss you?”

I gently pull him toward me. He sinks onto his knees on the concrete, letting me lead him. I lift my other hand — with a rattle of metal — and grip the back of his head, tangling my fingers in his hair to draw him closer.

I’m surprised how good he smells, how soft his hair is. His nose bumps into my cheekbone, his breath hot against my lips.

I kiss him. Gentle, slow. His hands hover over me like he’s not sure where to put them.

Eventually they settle on my sides, and I’m surprised by a bolt of pure animal heat in my stomach as I realize that they almost span my waist. I tell myself that I’m just doing a very good job of pretending — but there is a part of me that craves this.

His warmth, his gentle touch. Most of all, the sense that this is something I am in control of.

I run my tongue against the seam of his lips, scrape my fingers over his scalp. He groans against my mouth, an anguished sound.

I don’t realize I’m crying until I taste the salt of my own tears. Kai seems to realize at the same time. He pulls back so abruptly I nearly topple onto him; only his hands on my waist hold me steady.

“I’m sorry,” he says. His voice is ragged with want, his cheeks flushed. I’m surprised to see him so affected by something as simple as a kiss. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I want to,” I whisper. I lean in again, chasing his lips and that rush of power I felt for a moment, but he holds me at arm’s length. “Kai...”

He shakes his head, releases me and pulls back. Color flares hotter across his face as he adjusts his pants. “I can’t do this.” He stands and heads for the door.

Desperation surges in my chest at the thought of him leaving me here alone in the dark. “Kai!”

He pauses with one foot on the stairs, but doesn’t turn.

“Please don’t go,” I beg. “Please. I don’t want to be alone down here.”

He pauses. I can’t read anything in the tense set of his shoulders.

I sink down on the mattress, my own shoulders slumping. “Please,” I whisper again, surprised by how much I mean it. “We don’t have to do anything, I just... please stay with me.”