Page 25 of Blood Ties

Kai

I leave the basement , creep upstairs, and grab the knife from under my pillow. Then I slip back out and stand in front of my brother’s bedroom door.

Over and over again, I play it out in my head. Open the door, tiptoe to the bed, and shove the blade into his chest. No— his neck would be faster. Or his eye?

I think back to the deer I killed. The neck sounds right. One quick slash and it’s all over. But when I think of all the blood, of Knox’s eyes staring up at me, the knife’s hilt grows slick in my palm.

No matter what he’s done, I don’t think I can kill my brother. But I could at least hurt him. Scare him. Violence is the only language my family respects; it’s time for me to learn how to speak it. Maybe then they’ll take me seriously, for once.

I tighten my shaking fingers. Come on. I can do this. I have to. For Riley. I’m lucky Knox didn’t kill her today when I was gone. I think of those bruises on her pale soft skin, and harden my resolve, reaching for the door handle—

The floor creaks inside his bedroom. I jerk back, press my ear to the door instead. Is he awake in there?

He might be. He might be standing in there just waiting for me, knowing I’d try something when I saw what he did to Riley. He’s probably armed, too.

I can’t win against him in an all-out fight. And the noise would just bring Dad.

Gritting my teeth, I pull back, and exhale the fire out of my lungs. Not tonight. But one of these nights, I’m going to do it.

When I roll out of bed the next morning, stomach stinging from fresh cigarette burns, my first thought is of Riley. Her pretty eyes watching me, her gentle hand wrapped around me. The way she said I want you.

I try to shake it off as I get dressed, kicking the dirty shirt I wore yesterday under my bed.

But as I head out to the chicken coop, she lingers on my mind.

My thoughts wander as I mumble a greeting to the birds and crouch down to collect their eggs, gently nudging the hens aside.

I remember the way Riley kissed me. Her little moan that made me come harder than I ever have in my life.

Crack . I look down to see one of the eggs has broken in my grip. The ruined yolk oozes over my fingers.

“Shit,” I say, shaking off the slime. I toss the broken egg into the straw, and the hens rush in to peck at it with an enthusiasm that seems a bit sick. But who am I to judge? They’re hungry. There’s never enough to go around, out here.

Which is why I’m lucky nobody saw that. I would’ve gotten my ass whooped for the waste. I can’t afford to be distracted like this.

I tell myself that as I carefully bring the rest of the eggs inside. As I place thick slabs of bacon and the remaining eggs on the sizzling cast iron pan.

But my thoughts drift again. Riley’s eyes, her hands, the way she moaned. I wish she had let me touch her more. I would’ve loved to make her moan like that, again and again and again. With my hands and my mouth and...

Smoke drifts up from the pan. I curse, grab the handle, curse again as it singes me. But I clench my fingers and move it to the countertop. Saving breakfast is more important than preventing pain, and I’m used to burns by now.

I stare miserably at the eggs and bacon as the smoke dies down. Most of it is salvageable enough, but some of the bacon is black. If I eat the most burnt pieces and subtract the missing egg from my own breakfast, then...

A hand claps on my shoulder and I nearly jump out of my skin.

“What’s wrong with you?” Knox asks, laughing. He puts me in a headlock when I try to squirm away, squeezing so hard I choke. When he sees breakfast, he lets out a low whistle. “You really are useless.”

I swat at him, but he tightens his grip.

Normally I’d let it go. But when I think of those bruises on Riley, I jab an elbow into his side, and he grunts, rams me into the counter.

“Fuck you,” I grunt.

“Fuck you ,” he says, still laughing.

I’m not sure if he thinks we’re playing or trying to hurt each other. Maybe both.

We split apart at the sound of Dad’s footsteps coming down the stairs. The burn on my hand throbs, and I cast a panicked glance at the ruined food.

Just as Dad enters the kitchen, yawning and bleary-eyed in his overalls, Knox grabs the two most burnt pieces of bacon — hissing at the heat — and shoves them into his mouth whole.

“Manners,” Dad says, smacking him on the back of the head. He eyes the pan, eyes me, but doesn’t say anything as he serves himself a generous portion of breakfast. Frank lumbers in through the front door to serve himself next, and then Knox. As usual, I get what remains.

As I poke at my paltry meal, I stare across the table at Knox. He stares back. The look in his eyes says: You owe me .

But there’s also something else. A canny glint like he knows exactly why I was distracted this morning.

I barely manage to eat, between thoughts of Riley and Knox’s loaded stare. Instead I just shove food around my plate until the others head out to work, and then I take my plate down to Riley.

My heart pounds as I descend the steps. Both anticipation and dread grip me. I want to see her so bad, but what if she hates me for last night? What if she thinks I took advantage of her? She said she was sure, but...

She smiles at me as I reach the bottom of the steps, and my heart skips a beat. My cock stirs, too, at the memory of her hand stroking me.

“Good morning,” she says, brushing hair out of her face and looking up at me almost shyly.

I mumble something unintelligible and walk over to hand her the paltry scraps of her breakfast. She stands up to take it, and surprises me by grabbing a handful of my shirt and pulling me in. I surrender to her without a second thought, and she plants a swift kiss on my lips and smiles at me again.

My legs turn to jelly beneath me. She could’ve delivered a knife to my chest and I’d stand here just as dumbly, willing to take whatever she gives me.

“I gotta go work,” I say, but she doesn’t release her hold on my shirt, and I don’t try to pull away.

“Will you come back tonight?” she asks, looking up at me with those doe eyes.

I hesitate. “I’ll try.”

She grips me tighter. “Please.” Her eyes search mine. “If you don’t come, then Knox might.”

I nod, my mouth dry, trying not to think about that. After a lingering moment, she uncurls her fingers and lets me go. I race up the stairs, eager to return to chores before my head is completely scrambled. But when I glance back one more time, she’s still looking at me.

And I know I’m fucked.