Page 17 of Blood Ties
Kai
T inkering with my car usually helps clear my head.
It’s not really my car. Just an old piece of junk with peeling red paint that my Dad and I used to work on together, before he decided I wasn’t any good at it.
Now it sits abandoned in the scrapyard. I still play around with the engine, now and again, hoping I can get it running.
I took a couple of parts I needed from Felix’s car before I crushed it in the baler.
It’s one of my few escapes from the house.
But right now there’s a sick, oily feeling in my stomach that I can’t seem to shake.
It’s been there ever since I carried Riley down to that basement.
It got worse when I came all over her dirty, discarded shirt before burning it, and now it’s worse still.
I can’t deny that I wanted it when she reached out to touch me.
I wanted to lean into her, to press my lips against hers like she seemed to be asking for.
It’s been so long since anybody touched me so... gently. And I’ve never been touched like that .
Yet I couldn’t shake the sensation of wrongness. Like she was only doing it because she had to. Taking advantage of that would make me just as bad as Knox and the rest of my family. But... it’s embarrassing how badly I craved it. Craved her .
I don’t even have words for all the things I want to do to her. I’ve only seen them in the dirty magazines Knox sometimes gives me. But I want to touch her. Taste her. Fuck her. I want to hear those sounds she made for my brother, only for me this time.
But she was free when she was with Knox. Now she’s not.
I must be fucked up to even think about it.
Dad has always said that everyone in the family has their urges. Those dirty things that simmer in your mind until there’s nothing to do but indulge them. That’s what drives Knox to bring women to the basement, and Dad to drag victims to the barn, and Frank to take bodies out to his shack.
I’ve always thought I was different. Momma used to tell me so, before she retreated into her own head and never came back out. She said it wasn’t a bad thing. Dad disagreed; I still remembered his disgusted look when I cried the first time he made me kill a chicken.
Things would be much easier if I was like the rest of them. I wish I could walk through life like my brother, not caring about anything but my own desires.
But maybe those urges have finally awoken inside of me.
Because every time I’m close to Riley, I want her so badly I can barely breathe.
Even now, with tools in my hands and car parts in front of me, I keep thinking of those big, blue eyes of hers.
The stretch of creamy skin when she took her shirt off in front of me.
The softness of her body beneath my fingertips.
How good it would feel to touch her, to be touched by her. ..
I drop a wrench on my face, and swear, scooting out from beneath the car. I whirl around when I hear laughter.
Knox is leaning against the side of the car and lighting a cigarette. “I thought getting some pussy would help with all that pent-up frustration,” he says. “She not doin’ it for you?”
I rub a hand across my face, and grimace as I realize I’m smearing grease across my skin. “Leave me alone, Knox.”
He lifts a brow. “Oh, are you not fucking her yet?” His grin is slow and malicious. “Christ, brother, what do you need? A formal invitation? She’s chained up and spread wide open for you. Go for it already.”
I look away, gritting my teeth. “It’s none of your business.”
“It might be. If you’re not gonna use her, maybe I will.”
My head whips back toward him as anger flares in my chest. “Don’t. Touch. Her.”
There’s laughter in his eyes, even as I stand up and clench my fingers around the wrench.
“Why not?” he asks. “We could share.”
I take a step closer. “She’s mine.”
His grin widens. “She was mine first.”
I swing before I think about what I’m doing. I’m gratified by the way Knox’s eyes widen and his grin drops. He ducks his head just barely in time to avoid the wrench whistling past, the cigarette falling from his fingers.
He lets out a surprised laugh. “Shit,” he says, sounding weirdly pleased. “Look at you, fighting back for once.”
He tackles me, sending both of us stumbling into the car. My wrench falls, so I swing my fist instead, catching Knox right in the jaw. He grunts and lets go, but I go after him, taking us both to the dirt again. My vision is all red, red, red.
“The fuck is all this racket?”
I pause, fist pulled back for another swing, breathing hard. But even with bloodlust ringing in my ears, the sight of Dad makes me pause. I let go of Knox’s shirt and stand on unsteady feet, panting.
Knox swipes a finger over his chin, works his jaw as he gets to his feet.
Both of us turn to face our father. Dad’s still wearing his grease-stained work overalls and gloves, and he holds a tire iron, tapping against his leg as he stares at us.
My head dips and my shoulders clench under the weight of his scowl.
“Just messin’ around,” Knox says.
I nod sullenly.
Dad eyes both of us, but me especially. I try not to squirm under his scrutiny.
“Let me guess,” he says. “Y’all are being idiots about that girl in the basement.”
My blood freezes at the mention of her on my dad’s lips. “It’s not—”
“If she causes problems...”
I stiffen, hands clenching at my sides.
“She’s not a problem,” Knox says smoothly. He nudges his shoulder against mine. “We’ve decided to share her. Ain’t that right?”
I take in a breath, slowly let it out, try to keep my temper in check. Dad’s still eyeing me. There’s no way for me to disagree. “Yeah,” I force out.
Dad grunts, spits a wad of chewing tobacco in the dust. “Fine,” he says. “Better keep it that way.” He gives a pointed look. “Remember the TV?”
I clench my jaw. We loved that TV, as limited as the channels were, and it provided a rare escape when we had some downtime after chores.
But one day, Knox switched the channel when I was in the middle of watching a show, and the two of us started fighting.
Not too seriously, but loud enough to wake Dad from his nap.
He smashed the TV with a hammer and beat both of us bloody.
“I remember,” I mutter, my stomach in knots.
When Knox looks over at me, his smirk is all triumph. “Guess it’s my turn,” he says.