Page 41

MY FETISH

MILA

When I still haven’t moved, Alex pushes the door open, forcing me to lift off it and step inside, leaving Marco dead in the hallway.

“What if someone sees him?”

“They won’t.” Alex follows me into the dorm room with the knife in one hand and his phone in the other.

“You sound awfully certain.”

“Anyone who was staying on your floor is away for the weekend.” His phone pings, and he looks down at it. “And Declan owes me a favor.”

“It must be a pretty big favor if Declan is willing to make a dead body disappear from the middle of campus.”

“The favor was Teal.” Alex puts his phone away, and I swallow hard.

As much as I want to hate Alex right now, I know he’s been there for Teal in ways only the two of them understand. When not many other people were. It’s no wonder Declan would do anything to repay him for that .

“So that’s it then?” I grind my teeth. “Someone is going to just show up to clean up your mess?”

Alex stalks toward me, and I know I should run, but I can’t. I’m frozen as he crosses the room and stops in front of me. The knife twirls between his fingers, and then he’s jabbing the handle underneath my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

“Don’t you mean your mess, my angel?” There’s coolness in his tone.

But he doesn’t sound annoyed or even disappointed.

No, he sounds impressed.

“Marco deserved it.”

“He deserved worse.” Alex adds pressure to the handle, lifting my chin farther.

His praise shouldn’t spark something inside me, especially given what we’re talking about. But the chill that ran the length of my spine starts to warm, and it prickles through every vein. Heats me to the core.

Alex is the razor that cuts me in two. And he knows he’s my only tourniquet.

Taking a step back, I try to put some distance between us, hoping it’s enough to remind myself what he’s done. Alex might have shown up just in time to save me from Marco tonight, but that doesn’t absolve him of his involvement in Remi’s death.

Voices in the hallway drag my attention to the door. Someone is out there, but Alex doesn’t flinch. If I had to guess, he’s the one who sent them there to deal with the mess.

I’ve known what Sigma House is capable of for years now, but to see it in action is entirely different. They don’t answer to anyone, and it’s frightening.

What can’t they get away with ?

As swiftly as the question comes to mind, another hits me.

“Marco said you couldn’t hurt him because he was a member of the House.” My gaze darts back to Alex, who is moving through the dorm to the makeshift kitchen.

He starts the water to rinse my knife in the sink. “Are you worried I’m going to get in trouble for what we did?”

Yes . “No.”

He smirks, not meeting my gaze but clearly sniffing out the lie. “That won’t be a problem.”

“Because of the favor Declan owes you?”

He nods.

“Well don’t expect this to fix things between us. I told you I was done talking to you, and I meant it.”

He chuckles under his breath. “Well, I’m not done talking to you.”

“There’s nothing you can say that will make me forgive you.”

“Because you’d rather believe the lies you’re telling yourself?” He turns off the faucet.

Grabbing a towel, he turns to face me, slowly drying the blade on the rag.

“You’re one to talk about lies. All you do is lie to people. Or worse, keep quiet. Why are you always hiding from the truth, Alex? What are you scared of?”

“You.” He doesn’t flinch.

At first, I think I must have heard him wrong.

“Me?”

“Mm-hmm.” Alex steps forward, his eyes distant even if he’s looking at me. “You are the only thing in the world that terrifies me, Mila Bianchi.”

“Why?” Maybe I shouldn’t ask because it means I’m inviting this conversation .

But it doesn’t make sense. I’m nothing compared to the mighty wrath of Sigma Sin. No one is scared of me.

“You make me unpredictable. Reckless.” Alex spins the knife in his hand. “Oregon was proof of that?—”

“I don’t want to talk about Oregon.”

“Too bad.” It’s harsh, and as much as I want to scream at him to stop, he takes another step, halting me. “You want the truth? When I was eighteen, I did something problematic for the House.”

“You killed someone else? I’m shocked.” I roll my eyes, and Alex’s narrow.

“Not just anyone. I killed a member.” His jaw is tight; his words clipped. “It was right before I was supposed to pledge.”

“So what? Marco was a member, and you just killed him. For having so many rules, you sure seem to break a lot of them.”

Alex’s entire body is tense. Irritation ripples in the air. I’m pushing him to the edge of his limits, but right now, I don’t care.

“It was different back then.” His tone is even, but it’s clear he’s fighting to keep it that way. “I wasn’t owed any favors, and my actions could have ruined my chances with the House. Worse, they could have ended with me six feet under.”

As angry as I am with Alex, the thought of him dead makes my throat tight. “So why did you do it?”

“Because that man hurt Patience.” There’s no remorse in his tone.

No apology. And considering what he said, I don’t blame him.

“Maybe he deserved it then.” I shrug.

“He deserved a lot of things I didn’t have the time to do to him.” Alex’s expression is deadly, and I shiver. “But it doesn’t matter what he deserved. He was a member of the House. They would have killed me if they found out, so my father helped me bury the evidence.”

“What does any of this have to do with Remi or Oregon?”

“Ian had a brother in Oregon.”

“Ian is the man you killed?”

Alex nods. “He was the new minister at my mother’s church. Mom and Patience were helping him get acquainted with Bristal.”

“And he…”

I don’t finish my thought, and I don’t have to. Alex’s eyes answer my question. Ian might have been a minister, but he was far from holy. He was after Patience.

It explains the strange look on her face when she stared at the cross at her parents’ house. How much do I really know about my best friend?

“Like I said, Ian’s brother was in Oregon,” Alex continues.

“He knew Ian had moved to Bristal and that the Lancasters were helping him acclimate to the new town. His disappearance posed a problem. All ties led back to us. So before his brother could throw up any warnings, he needed to be taken care of.”

“So you were in Oregon to kill Ian’s brother?” I cross my arms over my chest. “If this is you trying to win points?—”

“His brother’s name was Torin Beech.” Alex cuts me off, and my blood runs cold as a memory hits.

“Come on, Remi, tell me something about him. Anything. ”

Remi sighed, and I wasn’t sure why she was so hesitant when we told each other everything. Boys we liked. Lies we told.

But this particular guy she was keeping a secret, and I didn’t like that.

“Fine.” She tried to sound nonchalant. “His name is Torin. But that’s all you need to know.”

Torin.

Alex was in Oregon to kill the man who attacked Remi.

“That’s why you were at the carnival.”

Alex nods, taking a step closer. “Since I was the one who created the mess, my father felt it was only fitting that I be the one to deal with any loose ends. He disposed of Ian’s body, and he sent me to Oregon to handle Torin.”

“But you didn’t.” My mouth dries. “Not before he hurt Remi.”

“Correct.” He shakes his head. “I showed up early in the day and decided to wait until sunset. The Halloween costumes and fake blood would help cover it up. But then I got distracted.”

“By what?”

“By you.” He brushes the back of his knuckles over my cheek, and I realize how close we’re standing.

“You were on the Ferris wheel with your friend when I first saw you. Smiling. Laughing. Taking a break between shows. There was so much light in your eyes I couldn’t help wondering how you were so good at hiding it. ”

“I wasn’t hiding anything back then.”

“You were.” He shifts closer so our bodies are almost flush. “Whether you realized it or not. You were lost. Unfinished. You were like me.”

“I’m nothing like you. ”

“In most ways, you’re right about that. But when you got off the Ferris wheel and Remi walked away, you let the smile fall, and I saw the hurt you hide when you think no one is looking. It’s so effortless for you to slip between those two sides of yourself. Not like it was for me back then.”

The air in the room thins with his confession.

“I let myself get distracted by you that night. I was just so damn curious how you did it,” Alex continues.

“I watched you when I should have been watching him. I followed you, and I took my eyes off the task at hand. And it led us to that tent, where he was attacking your friend. So you’re right, Mila.

It is my fault because I should have already finished Torin before he got the chance to do anything to her. But I didn’t.”

Tears sting my eyes, but they don’t fall. Like they’ve dried up.

“Then why didn’t you let me help her?”

“Help with what?” His head angles. “The curtains were already up in flames when I grabbed you. Your friend was already dead.”

“She was alive.”

“She wasn’t.”

“I heard her screaming!” I snap, and it’s so loud that the entire floor would hear us if it weren’t empty.

But I don’t care. I want to yell at the top of my lungs until this makes sense again.

“Remi wasn’t screaming.” Alex is so still, it’s eerie. “You heard people yelling around the fairgrounds, calling for help. You heard what you wanted to hear so you could tell yourself she was still alive. But Remi was gone.”

“Don’t say her name.”

Alex curls my hair behind my ear, and my voice turns to a whisper .

“Don’t say her name.”

“She was dead when I got there, Mila. She was dead the second her head hit that table. That’s why Torin ran and why I pulled you out.”

“No.” I try to shake free, and he grabs my chin.

“Yes.”

I’m fighting for air. Choking on the smoke in my memories. Trying to make sense of the pictures reeling through my mind. Torin grabbed her, so I threw my knife at him. He shoved her to the side.

She fell.

Hard .

But she was alive.

Her eyes were open.