Page 25

DIZZY

MILA

I shouldn’t be disappointed that Alex isn’t standing at my door when the sun sets and it’s time to leave for the carnival. Still, my heart sinks as I’m met with an empty hallway. Even more so when his car doesn’t pull up beside mine in the parking lot as I climb in.

He probably considered my offer to join me at the carnival and decided it was ridiculous or childish. With all there is to do at Sigma House, I doubt merry-go-rounds and popcorn are that enticing.

Which begs the question: why am I going there myself?

The tents are a sinister reminder of the ghosts that haunt my nightmares. I said I’d visit once with Patience and never return.

And yet, I continue circling because the carnival is home . At least, the closest thing to one I’ve ever known.

Maybe that’s why I hoped Alex would come with me tonight. After seeing a sliver of his childhood earlier today, I was prepared to show him a piece of mine. It figures that I would open myself up only for him to shut me out .

As I climb out of my car, I notice the looming rain clouds have scared off the big crowds tonight. The lot is sparsely filled, with a flickering streetlamp that warns me I shouldn’t have come here. After what happened the last time with Oxy, I’m second-guessing my return.

But if I let every bad interaction with the opposite sex deter me from something, I’d spend the rest of my life in bed.

The dunk tank is on my right when I pass through the arch of flowers that marks the entrance. Marco and Maddox are laughing at something on Marco’s phone, so I veer in the opposite direction. I’m not in the mood to deal with Sigma Sin tonight.

Scanning the rides on the other side of the carnival, I settle on the merry-go-round. It’s the one ride that only reminds me of a time when I was still young enough to believe that the painted horses could take me somewhere farther away than in circles.

It’s probably ridiculous to climb on at my age, but people can judge all they want.

The colorful horses are various tones of red, purple, and gold.

Their shine has dulled from years of being ridden, but their eyes burn bright as ever.

I brush my fingers from one to the next, until I choose one near the innermost circle of the carousel.

It has a deep groove through the paint on one of its legs from being stored improperly, and the ruby swirls on its body are chipping, but I like that it feels used. Like it’s lived and has a soul.

I grip the twisted golden pole in the center and climb onto the horse. The carousel is mostly empty, like the rest of the grounds, so the few people sharing the ride spread out.

Inside the carousel, the bulbs are dim, offering seclusion as I settle on my chosen horse. The music lifts as a familiar whoosh floods my belly when the ride begins.

At a distance, I spot Marco at the ring toss. Girls are now flocking, hanging on him and Maddox. It’s unsurprising when the men of Sigma House are never lonely.

The speed of the carousel picks up, and I sink into my thoughts instead of focusing on the people around me.

I think about Remi and how this was her favorite ride. She’d always pick a horse at the outer ring so she could feel the wind in her hair. She swore that was the only way to properly enjoy this ride.

My stomach swims, and I know it’s not the carousel. It’s the ghosts rattling my thoughts. It’s the song playing in the background on repeat like a music box. I press a hand to my belly and try to steady my breathing. Closing my eyes for a split second and allowing everything else to pause.

When they flutter open again, I swear I see Alex.

His face flashes in the mirrors at the center of the spinning ride, and I grip the pole tighter, turning to look behind me. But no one is there.

Has my obsession become so great that I’m imagining him now?

On the next spin of the horses, the center is still empty, so I search the crowd of unfamiliar faces.

The horse lifts as I glance back to the central part of the ride, and just as it starts to dip back down, Alex appears again. He’s cloaked in the darkness on the stationary middle platform of the ride. No longer a reflection as his eyes watch me from the shadows.

A trickle of excitement bleeds with fear as a shiver skitters down my spine .

The ride continues to spin, and Alex disappears. This time, when the horse drops, he’s gone again.

We’ve been playing this game longer than I realized. The question is, to what extent? How long has Alex been standing in the shadows watching me?

On another turn, disappointment settles when Alex is still nowhere to be seen. Between him and my heart, they’re both playing tricks on me.

The horse lifts, sending my insides into another stumble, just as hands snake around my waist from behind.

“Interesting outfit choice for riding a horse.” Alex’s deep voice hums in my ear.

It’s the most intoxicating sound I’ve ever heard. Vibrating in the deepest corners of my belly.

His fingers dip ever so slightly inward, tracing the sensitive flesh of my inner thigh. I glance over my shoulder to find him watching my mouth. He focuses so intently as I wet my lips that my heartbeat moves between my legs.

“It’s just a skirt.” I feign innocence. “If someone is that desperate to see my panties, then I guess I did them a favor when I climbed on.”

“So long as they aren’t seeing what’s under them.” Alex’s hand drifts deeper, slowly trailing up my thigh until he’s teasing the fabric that covers where I’m aching.

“And what if they did?” My breath catches as he presses his thumb against me. “You never answered my question earlier when I asked you what we’re doing.” I widen my knees ever so slightly, inviting him in. “What if someone else wants to look? What if they want to touch?”

Alex hums. It’s wicked and dark. Skating a path of goose bumps over my arms as he buries his face at my neck and plants a kiss.

With every lift and dip of the horse, he moves with me.

Touching me. Kissing me. Nipping at what part of me is within reach.

The entire time, his hand doesn’t leave where he’s settled between my legs.

The horse dips, and Alex looks down at me with thunder in his eyes. “They won’t get the chance to touch you if they try.”

“Like Oxy didn’t get the chance?” It’s nearly a whisper.

A question I’ve been nervous to ask again after I brought it up at Montgomery. He didn’t react well to it at that time, and he might not react any better tonight. But I need to know the truth.

How far is Alex willing to go for me?

Better yet, how far has he gone already?

“No one,” is all Alex says in response.

Before I can push for more, his hand slips between my legs and he pulls the lace to the side, sinking two fingers knuckle-deep into my core. The horse dips, sinking them deeper, and I lose my breath.

We’re in the shadows, but we’re nowhere near alone as he curls his fingers and reaches places that unbind every thought. Untangle every emotion.

The pole takes my weight as the horse moves up and down, and I ride Alex’s hand. His tongue drags the path of my neck, and he’s one with the ride—the horse. Timing his movements with the waves. Rolling his thumb on my sensitive clit as he buries another finger in my pussy and works me thoroughly.

I short-circuit.

The stars blink out.

The universe bleeds into a mess of darkness.

Alex’s thumb rocks, and when he curls his fingers inside me again, I’m stardust returning light to the night sky.

Burning .

Bursting .

Alex slaps his free hand over my mouth as I start to scream. But there’s no embarrassment when I meet his eyes. He’s proud to make a complete mess of me.

“Someone could have seen that.” I’m still catching my breath.

Dizzy.

Alex hums, pulling his fingers out and shoving them in his mouth to lick me off him. “So long as they don’t touch.”

He grips the back of my hair, sealing his mouth to mine and stealing what air I have left. Forcing me to taste myself on his tongue as he claims my lips in the darkness. Only when the ride slows do we break apart.

The carousel comes to a stop, but my heart is still spinning.