Page 39

THE DEAL

MILA

A warm breeze tickles my legs. It kicks the fabric of my summer dress around my thighs as I wrap my arms around my stomach and try to hold down the bile slowly rising. The dark forest is blurry through my tears, and I hate each and every one of them.

I’m not weak.

I’m not breakable.

No one is allowed close enough to hurt me. Not anymore.

Except that’s what Alex did. He weaved his way in through deceit and manipulation. Took a hammer to my chest and used my heart like it’s his personal wrecking room. He shattered everything.

Wiping away a tear, I still feel the heat of the flames. I smell flesh burning.

Secrets.

More secrets.

He knew who I was before he ever looked at me at Montgomery. He knew what I was looking for when he caught me at Sigma House and at the library. But he said nothing.

I blink back the tears and swear I see the ghost of Remi wandering beside me.

I can hear her screams as that man grabbed her by the throat and pinned her to the beam in the center of the tent.

His hoodie covered his face, but his hand was in clear view as he reached between her legs and grabbed her.

I was rage and fury.

Gripping the knife just long enough to throw it. But unlike every other time, that night I missed my mark. I nicked him on the back of the shoulder. Not hard enough to do any real damage, just enough to get his attention.

That’s when he threw Remi to the side. Her head snapped against a solid table, knocking her out as a candle tipped onto the ground. Flames licked their way up the tent.

It burned too fast.

Too hot.

And Remi was in the center, unconscious. I was just about to step inside when someone stopped me. No matter how hard I begged or kicked or fought, they wouldn’t let me run into the flames to save her.

Alex wouldn’t let me save her.

“Mila!” Remi screamed for me through the smoke when she finally came to.

But it was too late. She burned alive while Alex held me in the grass, refusing to let me go.

I fought him harder then. Not that it did me any good. He was too strong, and I couldn’t think straight as I struggled against the man with the skeleton face paint. It was Halloween at the carnival, so I had no idea who he was .

But those eyes.

Those hazel eyes.

How did I not remember them when I first locked gazes with Alex?

Maybe I did. Maybe all this time I knew. Maybe I just didn’t want to believe it.

He was a ghost in the night, holding me until I stopped fighting. Until exhaustion and smoke rendered me unconscious. And by the time I woke up in the grass, the fire was out, Remi was dead, and Alex was gone.

He let her die.

Worse, I let her die when I didn’t fight hard enough.

“Mila,” Patience calls my name, and I look over to see Alex’s car rolling beside me. “Get in the car.”

Glancing at the backseat, I see it’s empty.

“I’m alone.” Patience pulls to a stop, and I pause.

I passed through the gates to the Lancaster property line a few minutes ago, but I’m still on the dark, empty road that surrounds it. Which means I haven’t gotten far, even if it feels like I’ve been walking for miles.

“Get in.” Patience leans over and pops open the door.

“Where is Alex?” I ask, climbing inside.

“Back at the house.” She pulls forward when I shut the door.

I hate that it smells like him inside his car, so I try to take shallow breaths.

Patience is quiet while we wind through the forest road. Pebbles crunch between the tires and pavement. No music, just the hum of a night I wish I could erase from my memories.

“You aren’t going to ask me what happened?” I break the silence when I can no longer stand it. “Or did Alex tell you? ”

“He didn’t tell me anything.”

I glance over, trying to spot the lie, but her expression is blank.

“Don’t worry.” Patience’s gaze flicks to me. “Even if he did tell me, I know him well enough not to try and excuse him for what he did.”

“There is no excuse.” I turn to look out the window.

Trees flash by, bleeding together in the night. They blur with my thoughts, and I swear I see Remi’s face in all of them.

I’ve been in Bristal for almost two years, looking for answers that Alex had all along.

Even if he didn’t touch her—even if he wasn’t the man in the tent—he’s still Sigma Sin. Alex holding me back isn’t the extent of the truth he’s been withholding. What if the man who attacked Remi was Alex’s friend?

“Everyone thinks I’m protective over Alex because of the trial,” Patience says, interrupting my train of thought. “But that’s not really where the problems started. If anything, I thought Sigma House might actually help him.”

I glance over at her, and her grip on the steering wheel is so tight it drains all the color from her knuckles.

“My brother’s always been different. He doesn’t process emotions like we do.

There’s a switch, and once it’s flipped, there’s nothing that can stop him from what he’s set his mind to.

I guess we have my father to thank for that.

” Her hands twist over the steering wheel as she takes a steady breath.

“He was thirteen the first time he killed someone.”

“The first time?”

“Alex has always had a temper.” Her expression darkens. “Especially when it came to protecting the people he cares about. If someone crosses a line, he has a hard time holding himself back. And my father used that to his advantage. But trust me, nothing good comes from feeding reactions like that.”

She shakes her head, and even if she’s watching the road, her gaze is in her memories.

“That first time he killed someone was an accident, or so he said. He got in a fight at school, and the kid fell and cracked his head. People believed it, but I know my brother. And over time, he became less predictable.” She bites the inside of her cheek.

“Alex being friends with Declan, Kole, and Liam didn’t help.

Sons of Sigma Sin don’t stand a chance. The more sadistic their actions, the more they’re praised for them.

So even as he started to escalate, it wasn’t held against him so long as he held my father’s line and proved himself useful to the House. ”

“That’s fucked-up.”

“Tell me about it.” Her teeth grit. “But that’s my brother. He cares to a fault, and it makes him extremely dangerous.”

“You say that like you know from personal experience.”

“I do.” Her throat works with a hard swallow. “He protected me once.”

“From what?”

“Someone who didn’t like being told no.” Her hands twist on the steering wheel, and I see that darkness people so often miss because Patience hides it well.

“Alex killed someone for you?”

Patience nods. “I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t even want him to because I knew it would cause more problems than either of us could handle. But he didn’t listen, and my dad used that mistake to chain Alex to whatever deal they made.”

“When was this?”

“When I was sixteen. ”

Which means it was when I was sixteen too. Right around the time Remi died. A chill runs down my spine.

“I told myself it was okay because Alex was just keeping me safe, and even with all his flaws, he cares. But the truth is, it doesn’t excuse his actions, and it doesn’t make them right.

As much as I hate Sigma House, I know that he’s no better than them.

The only difference is that I love him, so I’d rather lie to myself about it.

” A tear slips down her cheek. “As mad as I was for what happened to Alex at the trial, I thought it would make him change. I thought the doctors would cure him of whatever sickness he’s carried around since we were kids.

Alex should have been in a psychiatric ward long before the trial sent him there, not that it did him any good. ”

At least we’re in agreement on that.

“But then he got out, and now we’re right back where we started. He’s making deals with my father, and the two of them are hurting everyone around him.” She glances at me.

“If this is the warning to stay away from your brother unless I want to end up hurt, I got the message loud and clear tonight.”

“I assumed, given how you left.” Patience offers a sad smile. “But I also know my brother, and I can tell he cares about you, so it’s not going to be that simple. He won’t just give up.”

“I’m not a doormat who will let him walk all over me.”

“I’m not saying you are. But I’ve never seen you like this with anyone. Not your friends. Not Marco. I’ve never seen you actually hurt over anyone, Mila. Alex means something to you.”

I drop my gaze to my hands in my lap because she’s right. After Marco cheated, I was hurt and embarrassed, but I didn’t cry. There wasn’t a knot in my stomach like there is now.

“I don’t know if I can forgive Alex for what he did.”

And not because of the blood on his hands. But because I don’t know if I’ll ever really get the complete truth from him.

“You don’t have to forgive him. You don’t even have to talk to him. I’d understand if you didn’t.”

“Then why are you telling me all of this?”

“Because I get it, and you need to know you’re not alone. I know how much it hurts loving him.”

Patience pulls the car to a stop. I’ve been so lost in conversation that I didn’t realize we’d made it all the way back to the dorm.

“I don’t love him.”

“Okay.” Patience doesn’t argue with me, which only frustrates me more.

I hate him. I can’t love him.

“Either way, I’m here if you need me.”

“I appreciate it.” I try to force a smile, but it doesn’t reach my face. “But you shouldn’t be worrying about any of this right now. You’re supposed to be enjoying your summer away from school, from your family. Your brother.”

Now I finally understand why she needed it.

“I’m trying.” Her gaze moves out the window. “And speaking of that, I really do need to get to the airport. This was a quick trip back for dinner. I wasn’t expecting?—”

“Mass chaos between your best friend and brother?” I finish her sentence.

“Something like that.” Her eyebrows pull tight. “Alex said I could use his car to get you back here and that he’ll have one of his Sigma Sin minions pick him up later.”

“How kind of them. ”

Patience rolls her eyes. “Yeah, right? Are you going to be okay?”

“Eventually. But don’t worry about it. Enjoy your time in LA.”

Patience looks torn about leaving me, so I give her a quick hug and climb out, not giving her another moment to second-guess herself. She switches cars and waits until I reach the dorm to pull away.

We’ve been friends long enough that I know I could have asked her to stay, and she would have.

Part of me wishes I had.