Page 55 of As The Shifter World Turns

55

FAREWELL

Ivor

“How was your day?” Ryder asked as I threw my messenger bag in the back seat and climbed into the car.

“Great. I finally told my boss about the baby.”

“How’d he take it?” Ryder said as he eased into traffic.

“Poor guy, you should have seen his face.” Archer had taken paternity leave and then quit so he could be with Elune more and help Micah and Daire in their business. “I could see his mind working furiously calculating how long it would take to find a replacement.”

I left out the bit about the blood draining from his face as he collapsed into his chair. In the time I’d been in the job, I’d grown to love it. And having a nice paycheck every month didn’t hurt.

For the first time in my life, I could sit in a café and have coffee and a piece of cake if I wanted to. Not that I had the time or the energy or the desire for coffee. Cake, I’d say yes to. The first trimester was tiring but I was lucky my morning sickness had improved. There was no way I was quitting after I had the baby.

“What did you tell him?” We’d stopped at a traffic light and he gazed at me, waiting for my answer.

“I said I’d be taking the shortest possible leave because I didn’t have a mate.” Ryder’s expression changed as soon as the words were out of my mouth and I could have kicked myself. Yeah, it was true, but fuck. I could have said it in a different way. “I mean I’m not in a stable relationship.” That wasn’t any better.

The tension in the car was palpable and we both stared straight ahead. But if we weren’t talking to one another, living in a small apartment wasn’t ideal because other than the bedroom, there wasn’t anywhere to go. The bedroom which belonged to Ryder that I was using.

I could visit Neil when I got home. Archer would be busy with Elune’s bath and bedtime so not the best time to saunter over to his place trying to avoid Ryder.

But I decided it was best to deal with it now before we got to Sunshine Manor.

“I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. I appreciate everything you’re doing for me, enjoy your company and I know you’ll be a great dad.”

“But I’m not your mate. That’s what it comes down to.”

There were some days when I wondered if I should give in and say, “Let’s mate.” I loved him and he loved me. We were having a baby. We shared his apartment. He drove me to work and picked me up. We were in one another’s lives. The one thing holding me back was Kellan. Sure he’d apologized but I didn’t trust him. He’d worm his way back into Ryder’s life like he always did.

“Yeah,” I sighed, not knowing how to make things better.

Ryder pulled up in front of Sunshine Manor behind Seb’s car. There was someone in the passenger seat but from behind it was hard to tell who it was because there were boxes in the back seat blocking my view. But my spicy senses were tingling. I’d never seen Seb with anyone else at the manor other than Kellan.

Ryder stiffened. He was probably thinking the same as me. “We can drive around the back to the alley if you want. Or I can drop you at Archer’s.”

“No.” I was definitely not hiding from that asswipe. Sunshine Manor was our home. Our home. And our baby would come back from the hospital to the manor. No way was I letting Kellan scare me from entering the place I lived. “Let’s go.”

We walked past the car. Ryder was between me and the car and I was sure he’d done that deliberately to protect me. I loved him for that. I loved him completely. As much as I didn’t want to peer around him, I did. It was Kellan. We locked eyes on one another. I nodded and looked away.

Seb staggered out of the building with a box in his hands. “What’s going on?” I asked, figuring he’d respond to me rather than Ryder. “Are you donating things to a charity?”

“Already done that. I’m moving.”

While it was the first I was hearing about him leaving, it wasn’t surprising. Seb’s friendship with Kellan made it difficult for him to fit into our Sunshine Manor family. And now he’d decided to leave. Maybe it was for the best and he’d be happier elsewhere and not giving anyone a black eye.

“I’m sorry to hear that,” I told him, wanting to fill the silence as Ryder hadn’t said a word.

“I doubt that, but thanks for saying it anyway. Sunshine Manor is a nice place and I’m not moving because I haven’t made friends here. I got a job out of state.”

“Okay.” My mind was working furiously thinking of Ryder’s ex in the car. If Seb wasn’t going to be here for Kellan, my stomach clenched thinking he’d be on the phone to Ryder, going to Ryder’s office and turning up at Sunshine Manor like he used to. While I was saying ”Okay” out loud, my mind was in turmoil because me sharing the apartment with Ryder meant any Kellan drama would spill over into my life.

“And Kellan’s coming with me.”

“Thank Gods for that,” Ryder burst out. Seb ignored him and put the box in the trunk and walked back toward the porch.

“He’s made some mistakes but he's not the person you think he is.”

“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that,” Ryder told him.

“We’re not together if that’s what you’re thinking but he needs someone in his life who cares about him and I’ll do my best to be a good dad to the baby.”

While Seb had his issues and he wasn’t my favorite person, I had to give him points for stepping up and helping Ryder’s ex.

Kellan got out of the car and my gaze went to his small baby bump. “This is goodbye, Ryder.”

Once again, he ignored me but Ryder took my hand and his ex’s eyes took note of that. I understood the pain of loving someone and them not returning your feelings. You wanted to scream and throw something at them.

But the difference between Kellan and most other people was that they didn’t act on those feelings. He manipulated everyone, most of all Ryder. And sure the stag shifter stepped right in it, and he had to accept responsibility for his actions, but it was hard to tell what was truth and what was fiction with Kellan’s lies.

And the times he’d cheated on Ryder showed it wasn’t that he cared about him but he hated something about himself. I wouldn’t miss his presence and hoped he’d find happiness but kept my mouth shut. He didn’t want to hear from me.

“I wish I could have seen you as a father,” Kellan told Ryder and I almost threw up. The baby inside me was mine and Ryder’s and I hated that Kellan even mentioned our little one. “Our kids will be a similar age.”

If he suggested they could have playdates when he came back to town, I’d lose it. But Ryder didn’t let himself be drawn into that possible mess.

“Kellan we have to go.”

It was late in the day to be starting a road trip but maybe they were stopping at a motel for the night.

“Does Daire know you’re leaving?” Ryder asked Seb.

“He does.”

Kellan put his hand out to Ryder and he shook it.

“Drive safe,” Ryder said as they got in the car .

Neither of us waved goodbye or waited until they left. Instead, Ryder put his hand behind my back and we walked toward the building.

“He’s gone,” I said as I walked up the stairs in front of Ryder.

“Yeah, can’t say I’m sorry about that.”

“Me neither.”

I headed into the bathroom for a shower while Ryder started dinner and I was grateful for the time alone. Did Kellan’s leaving make a difference to me and Ryder? It occurred that I may have been using Kellan as an excuse not to mate. And now that barrier had been removed, there was nothing standing in our way. Was it that I didn’t trust Kellan or was I unsure that Ryder could be the alpha I wanted him to be?

So many questions and I didn’t have the answers.