Page 43 of As The Shifter World Turns

43

SEEDS OF DOUBT

Ivor

My wolf didn’t carry my human emotions with him when we shifted. Him being confronted by Ryder in stag form was an opportunity to play, to run and chase one another in the woods, a game both wolf and stag had played frequently when we’d shifted together.

If Ryder’s beast wanted to eat, my wolf would leave him alone. Nibbling on grass and berries wasn’t his thing. He’d take down a rabbit or two and wait until the stag had finished grazing.

My beast bounded through the trees, weaving in and out and the stag’s hooves thundered on the ground behind. Crouching low behind rocks, he leapt out as the stag galloped past, causing Ryder’s beast to rear up on his hind legs.

His was a cunning beast and he lowered his head, pinning my wolf to the ground with his antlers, the tips embedded in the earth a hair’s breadth from my beast’s fur. Both animals were panting and when he released my wolf, he sprinted back to the van.

Taking back my own skin, I studied Ryder’s stag. Moonlight touched the tip of his magnificent antlers as he lifted his head to the sky. Noble was the word that popped into my head. He could be a king. His lean body and wary gaze were signs that if he were a wild stag, he’d live alone, content to roam the woodlands and forest, occasionally coming in contact with groups of deer.

Except that was a dream—a fantasy—and he wasn’t any of those things. Ryder was a man and a deeply flawed one as all shifters and humans were. He was a lying, cheating, Kellan-loving, baby-making stag shifter who had his own business and lived in 2A. Fuck him !

And then he shifted and I caught a glimpse of the face I loved. I’d tried to stop loving him, but I couldn't. Instead, I let anger and rage fill me, and that was what drove me this last week. It wasn’t healthy, as Neil had told me, but it got me up in the morning and through the day.

But the face staring back at me had a black eye. I’d heard but not seen Ryder being punched. Don’t feel sorry for him. He deserved it.

“Ivor.” His voice brought me back to the present. One where I was naked and my clothes were near the van. Being naked around shifters wasn’t a big deal. And Ryder had been inside me, fucked me senseless and sucked my cock, but now, I needed to find my jeans and shirt and cover myself up. Being naked with another person was a sign of familiarity and I couldn’t stand to be around him, let alone look at him.

We were the first ones back. Archer’s wolf and Micah’s unicorn were off doing their own thing, Daire’s grizzly was in the lake and Martin’s fox was doing whatever foxes did. I could hide in the van. Lock myself in. Ryder might stand outside and shout or beat on the door but hopefully he’d take the hint and go home. His car must be here somewhere.

“Ivor!” I ignored him and stalked to where my clothes were strewn over the ground. I’d been so desperate earlier to get rid of my skin and give my beast his fur, I’d tossed them off where I stood. Shifting and giving my wolf his head, allowed me to forget about my human problems and just be.

“G-Go away. I’ve got n-nothing to say to you.” That was a lie. I had words. So many words. Ones that showed how he’d broken me, destroyed the life I’d imagined for us, and zapped my confidence in how to judge others. While I sized up Kellan early on, pinpointing he was a dirtbag, I’d thought Ryder was different. Maybe that’s why they initially got together. They were alike.

“Please let me explain.”

Grabbing my shirt, I covered my cock and swirled around. “Explain what? How you lied to me and went behind my back to sleep with Kellan? Did you both laugh at poor gullible Ivor while you fucked him?”

“Don’t.” His strangled voice had me look at him, really look at him. Seeing him get out of the car this evening was the first time I’d sighted him since I stormed out of his office. There were shadows gouged under his eyes. He hadn’t been sleeping, unlike me. The minute my head hit the pillow, I was asleep as I blocked out the world. His cheeks were sunken and when I lowered my eyes, I could count his ribs.

Good! I was pleased he was having a hard time, though juggling both me and Kellan must have taken up time and energy before I called time on our relationship.

“It’s all a lie, Ivor.”

“You got that right.” I clapped and yelled, “Bravo,” forgetting I was holding my shirt and it fell to my feet. Keeping my gaze on Ryder, I picked it up and hid my dick. “First truthful statement you’ve made. Got any other truth bombs?”

Ignoring my briefs, I picked up my jeans and shoved one leg in but overbalanced, leaving me hopping around on the uneven ground like a fool. Tears clouded my vision but I refused to let him see them. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

“You left without telling me why. I had to find out from Daire what happened.”

I’d forgotten that. I owed Daire an apology because it wasn’t fair that he’d been the one to confront Ryder.

“What Kellan told you was a lie.”

When I finally had my pants on, I strode toward him but froze as his aroma hit me in the face. The same scent that used to welcome me home to Sunshine Manor or into the office when I arrived from campus.

“So, you’re telling me Kellan isn’t pregnant?”

“I don’t know for sure but my guess is yes, he is. I only spoke to him tonight.”

More like shouted. “Oh no. You’ve been ignoring your baby daddy.” I waggled my finger at him. “Tsk tsk. Bad alpha.” I was channeling someone, I wasn’t sure who. I wanted to hurt Ryder, needed my words to wound him.

“Stop it. This isn’t like you,” he snapped.

His harsh tone had me curl my hands into fists and pummel his chest. My eyes were awash with tears as I screamed, “This is the real me. This is who I’ve become thanks to you and your betrayal.”

“No!” He grabbed my shoulders and I peered at his face while sobs wracked my body. His cheeks were wet. Were those tears? He didn’t have the right to cry. All tears belonged to me. He should be dry and parched.

Mate . I could never convince my beast that Ryder was a bad guy. He hated me being unhappy but was convinced Ryder was our soulmate.

“Ivor, I never slept with Kellan.”

“Liar.”

“I mean since long before we were together. I made a commitment to you and I love you. Wanted you to be my mate. Want you to be my mate.”

“Wanted to have it both ways. A mate sitting at home keeping your bed warm and then Kellan on the side.”

“No! Why aren’t you listening to me?” He fell to his knees and I was thankful I was clothed from the waist down. “Think of all the times Kellan has lied and cheated in the past.” He put a hand over his heart. “What he told you about him and me was a lie.”

“No, I can’t hear this.” I put both hands over my ears but Ryder stood up and pulled them away. We were skin to skin, my hands in his. And then he yanked me close and I let him, resting my head on his chest and listening to his heart thrumming under my ear.

We stood for I didn’t know how long while he held me and I sobbed.

“I’m telling you the truth.”

“Ivor, what’s going on?” Archer was walking toward us, Micah’s unicorn behind him .

That broke the spell and I tore myself out of Ryder’s hug. From over his shoulder, I noted Daire and Martin coming out of the woods. “Nothing,” I sniffed. “He’s just leaving.”

Ryder hesitated, but there were four shifters at his back, people he regarded as his family. “Think about what I said,” he told me. And then with a nod to the others, he picked up his clothes and strode to where his car was parked in the distance.

Archer ran to me. “You okay?”

“Mmmm. Let’s go home.” But my home was in the same building where Ryder lived. What I meant was I wanted the pain to go away but Ryder’s words repeated in my head. What Kellan told you was a lie .