Page 45 of As The Shifter World Turns

45

GOODBYE

Ivor

It was time to get out of the house. I was tired of going to work and coming home. And not doing much else. I told myself I wasn’t hiding away from Ryder and I needed to prove it.

“I know you’re excited but we’ll be there soon.” Toby’s voice drifted in from the porch. He must have been talking to Patch. Archer was upstairs with Neil and must have brought the dog over with him. I guessed Toby was taking Patch to the park. Martin allowed his son to go there with the dog and back as long as he took his phone and he didn’t wander off anywhere else.

“Hey, Toby, do you mind if I come with you and Patch? I need some fresh air.”

“Sure you can come. Patch is really excited.”

“I can see that. He loves you taking him for a walk.”

“I wish he still lived in Sunshine Manor,” he grumbled

“Mmmm. I miss Archer and Elune too.” I pointed between the manor and the next house. “But if you look through the alley, you can see their place. If you squint.”

“Oh, look, someone’s on the roof.”

I shaded my eyes. “Of Archer and Micah’s place?”

“No, Sunshine Manor. Is it Daire?”

Daire had been with Micah all day preparing a house for an auction and hadn’t come home yet. Archer was with Neil, Toby would recognize his Dad so it couldn’t be him and after Seb’s rocky introduction to the manor, he wasn’t yet part of our family and I’d never known him to go to the roof. There was aways a first time though.

Anxiety gnawed a hole in my belly as there was only one other person it could be. And then Toby confirmed it. “It’s Ryder,” he yelled. “Hi.”

Damn that stag shifter and his lousy timing.

“Hi, Toby. Ivor.”

I twisted my head so I was looking in the other direction and then pretended to be checking Patch’s collar.

“We’re going to the park,” Toby announced. “And Ivor wanted to come too as he needed fresh air. I guess he’s been inside too long.”

Oh, Toby, don't tell him my whole life story. I urged Patch on ahead until we were way past the manor.

“Have fun.” The wind carried Ryder’s response.

Toby and I walked in silence for a minute before he said, “Ivor, my dad tells me if someone says hello, I should say hello back.”

Ouch! He’d picked up on me ignoring Ryder. “That’s a good rule.”

“But you didn’t say hi to Ryder.”

“You’re right and I should have. That was wrong of me.”

“My dad says you’re angry at Ryder.”

This wasn’t what I expected when I asked Toby if I could walk with him and Patch. “I am.”

“I’m sorry.” He patted my hand and then pointed at the park straight ahead. “Look, Patch, we're almost there.”

I sat on the bench while Toby threw Patch a ball and enjoyed the wind blowing on my face and the perfume from rose bushes to my left. But I stiffened and my wolf took note of a new scent wafting in my direction. Not new to me but new to the park.

Him , my beast pointed out.

Yes .

He wanted to be close to the stag shifter and didn’t understand why I was staying away.

“Ivor.” His voice rippled over me like a gentle breeze.

“This was supposed to be me time, Ryder. Not fucked up Kellan shit. Just me after a long day at work.”

“How’s the new job?”

I sighed and spread each arm over the back of the bench hoping he’d get the hint that the bench was mine and I didn’t intend on sharing it. “I’m loving it. It’s busy and challenging but Archer’s been a great help. And it’s full time so I’m earning a decent salary.” A very nice salary.

“That’s good. I miss you at the office.”

“You didn’t come here to talk about my job, Ryder. Not my former one or the new one.” I’d raised my voice and Toby glanced in my direction. So, I gave him a big smile .

“I was wondering if you’d given any thought to what I said the other night. You know about the whole Kellan thing.”

“No. I’ve been dreaming of sugar and spice and all things nice,” I said through gritted teeth with a fake smile plastered on my face for Toby’s sake. “But the truth is, he’s been tormenting me in my dreams.”

“While I don’t have a hundred percent confirmation that Kellan’s pregnant, I’m guessing he is as I said before. And I’m not the father. He’s spun lie after lie. Admitted that he was angry that I loved you.”

“Oh, so you talked to him.”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

The hesitation in his voice had me wanting to reach out and stroke his cheek. My wolf was pushing me to but he expected us to mate. Ryder was the one for me, but as I watched Toby and Patch playing, I was hit with the realization that we couldn’t be together.

Kellan would always be in his life in one way or another and while I’d reached the conclusion that the whole “Ryder is my baby daddy” issue was a lie, because that was Kellan’s MO, it had almost broken me. And it’d turned the Sunshine Manor family against Ryder. I had to put that right.

But I wanted to be whole. There was only one way to achieve that. And it would bring me even more pain but at the end, there’d be freedom.

“I love you, Ivor.”

Don’t say that. My eyes swam with tears and I bent down and undid one shoe lace and tied it again. “No.”

He moved closer to the bench, the heat coming off him drifting over my body. His voice had an edge to it as he said, “I can’t tell you how to feel, Ivor, but that is my truth.” And now there was a light tremor as he spoke. “With all my heart, I love you.”

If I wasn’t broken before, I was now, especially with the news I had to present him with. “I know you do and I love you too.” I hadn’t intended saying it but it was the truth. Best to be honest to him and to myself. But now I’d said it, the words were on the breeze and I blinked away the tears and said a silent goodbye to them.

“Then we can go back to the way we were, before you know, the shit hit the fan.”

To say what I was going to say had to be done with me looking at Ryder. It would be cowardly not to. So I got to my feet and came around the other side of the bench. I rested my butt on the back. “No. Love isn’t enough.”

“Come on, that’s BS,” he interrupted.

I held up my hand. “It’s my turn to speak.” He nodded. “Sure, we could mate, but the next time there’s a crisis in Kellan’s life, he’ll be on the phone begging you to help and you would. Because you’re a good guy and you feel you owe him something. And what’s the next big lie he’s going to fling at us? Huh? That you never loved me? That you’re leaving me for him? Do you expect me to shrug it off with ‘Oh, that’s Kellan doing his thing again.’”

I took a breath and checked on Toby, though I could hear his squeals and Patch barking. “I know this is going to hurt you,” I explained as tears streamed over my cheeks and I forced myself to look at Ryder. His face crumpled as I spoke and it took all my strength not to wrap my arms around him and say, “Let’s go home.”

“But we can’t be together. Life is stressful enough without dealing with Kellan and his crap. I wish you the best, Ryder and we’ll see one another all the time, but this is goodbye.”

Listening to his sobs was causing my heart to splinter into a million pieces.

“Ivor, Patch is thirsty and I forgot to bring any water.” Toby came up behind me.

“Let’s get him home. Bye, Ryder,” I said, mainly for Toby’s benefit.

The boy took my hand as we walked back and I was grateful because I was blinded by tears. “Don’t be sad, Ivor.”

I squeezed his hand. “I’ll try not to be.”