Page 50 of As The Shifter World Turns

50

SECRETS ARE NEVER SECRET FOR LONG

Ryder

Friday on the rooftop had been a happy safe place for so long. Even when things were complete shit with Kellan, Friday nights were a reprieve. I could sit there with my friends, drink a few beers, and spend time just being me without any judgement. They all knew Kellan was a walking red flag, but on Friday nights, they used to put it aside so we could enjoy our time together.

Or at least that was how I remembered it. My life had fallen to such shit since Kellan decided to say I knocked his sorry butt up and now everything pre-then was a bit brighter than it probably had been.

Friday nights now? Now it was work. Hard work. I had to pretend I was happy to be there and not that it was my last ditch effort to get some time with Ivor, hoping the entire time that Ivor would be there and once he was, that he would stay and not race off because I made him miserable. Yeah, it wasn’t a good time anymore.

Still… I needed it, needed the connection to these people… my family.

At least tonight, there were extra happy distractions. Archer, Micah, Elune and Patch came and there was nothing that could bring brightness and sunshine to our gatherings quite like Elune.

She was feeling better, her first tooth cut through. Micah was excited about it, showing it off to anyone who would listen. Archer had a slightly different perspective, his beautiful girl accidentally biting his poor nipple more than once.

And Patch? Patch was everyone’s cuddle muffin. He made sure to visit everyone and let them know he adored them.

“Feels like a storm is brewing,” Martin said as he and Toby came over, Toby going straight to Patch, laughing as he got all the doggie kisses.

“It does,” Neil slid over offering a spot next to himself. “The weather maps say it’s a fifty-fifty chance it stays north of us, but the air is thick.”

And that riveting conversation was a spot on example of pretty much most of our conversation. Nothing too personal. Nothing too important.

“Let’s order pizza to go with the burgers.” Daire interrupted a riveting conversation about our new mail person who showed up a half hour later than the old one. “Anyone in?”

“Daddy, please?” Toby looked up from where he was hanging out with Patch, Patch not liking losing the attention and hitting Toby’s hand with his head in an attempt to get the boy back petting him. “Cheese.”

“Pizza sounds great,” Martin said. “I think Sal’s is doing BOGO party-size this weekend as part of their twentieth anniversary celebration.”

“I like Sal’s,” Ivor said. It was the first time I’d heard him speak since I arrived.

It would be worse if Seb was here. He seemed to have gotten the message that his relationship with Kellan made it awkward for some of us to be around him. Of course, for me, it was the black eye he gave me that added that extra special flair of yuck.

“I got the pizza tonight.” I took out my wallet, handing Daire my card. “You got it last time.”

He got it most of the time and I think he sort of liked it that way, but my stag was pounding at me to provide—provide for Ivor, so there my card went. Thankfully, Daire took it without questioning. The last thing I wanted to do was explain myself and I was a shit liar. Or to hear Ivor tell it, I was a master at it. And while I couldn’t blame him for feeling that way, I hated it.

“Pizza will be here in ten.” He handed me back the card. “I’m going to the corner to get some ginger ale. Anyone want anything?”

I wasn’t sure why Sal’s didn’t have any, but I was more than willing to be a tagalong. I wanted to be with everyone, but I could use the break. These forced conversations were wearing and I couldn’t help but feel like everyone blamed me for them. I sure did.

I hated that I let Kellan be in my life for so long. Had I cut him loose the first time he had a dick in him that wasn’t me, none of this would be happening now. But no, I had to let my dick convince me it was love and once I got that notion, I refused to let it go. I was such a dumb ass.

“Can I come with?” I asked

“Yeah, okay.” Daire didn’t sound overly pleased. I wasn’t letting that thwart my escape plan. I’d go to the market, grab a soda or something, and center myself before I returned. Maybe I’d be lucky and witness something exciting and then at least Daire and I would have a story to tell when we got back.

We took everyone’s orders and headed to the store.

“Thanks for letting me come.” I really needed to get out of there and while I knew I wasn’t Daire’s favorite person right now, he still just accepted my company without question. Even though I knew Ivor had soothed it over with my friends, saying Kellan was a big-ass liar, they were still wary around me sometimes.

“It’s a free country,” he snapped and then let out a sigh. “That was rude. Sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. I probably shouldn’t have come, but it’s so lonely. I lost the man I loved as well as my friends. It was so much at once and I wanted to fix it and make it better, but everything I do makes it worse.” We reached the store and I opened the door for him.

“I wish you didn’t sleep with Kellan,” he stated.

“That’s the thing… I didn’t.”

“No, I mean ever. Then he wouldn’t have been in our lives.”

Someone came up behind us and we went inside, gathered what everyone wanted, walked home, and didn’t speak at all.

Somehow I managed to make things more awkward between Daire and me.

“I’ll wait down here for the pizza.” I handed him my bag. “I’ll be up when it arrives.”

He just nodded and went on in. I was hoping for some time to recover from the mess I made of my walk which was supposed to be a way of decompressing. The pizza guy came in three minutes.

It was a lot harder to get the pizzas up to the roof than I anticipated. Party size was no joke, the pies needing to be tilted slightly to get through door frames.

“You’re cutting off his balls?” Neil exclaimed just as I was about to announce that I’d arrived with the pizzas.

If they were talking about Kellan, I was on board with that.

Daire must’ve had help moving the table, it now sat near where everyone was congregated and I headed straight there. I figured out they were talking about neutering Patches. Unlike Kellan, I felt bad for the dog.

“You can’t do that. Patches would be a good daddy.” Toby snuggled up to the dog, not even noticing the pizza. “And if he made puppies, maybe I could have one. I’d love Patch's puppy.”

“We are not getting a dog.” Martin’s voice held zero conviction. If I were to guess they’d have a dog by the end of the month.

“Or you could get a baby.” Martin started to choke at his son’s words.

“I’m not mated.” He ruffled his son’s hair. “How about I start the grill?”

“Ivor’s not married and he’s still having a baby. You don’t need to be mated.”

My jaw dropped. He had to be wrong. He meant Kellan. Kellan wasn’t mated and was having a baby.

“It’s not polite to talk about other people’s business,” Martin scolded him.

“But I heard you talking about it with…”

I didn’t hear the rest, everyone disappearing from my awareness except Ivor. Ivor who had shadows under his eyes. Ivor whose face was burning red. Ivor who looked like he was about to vomit.

Ivor was pregnant. He was having a baby. My baby? Please let it be my baby.

“Are you?—?”

I was cut off by Micah’s phone going off at the same time Seb arrived on the roof. What the fuck is he doing here? Seb shouted, “Kellan has something to say to you all.”

Ivor buried his face, Micah said something about going to the university tomorrow that had Archer hugging him close and Kellan stepped out in front of Seb with a tight shirt on, highlighting his bump.

Somehow the night managed to get worse.