Page 40 of A Quiet Man

Auden gave Tomas's hand an encouraging squeeze. "We'll take things slow. Maybe we can both find things we like. But if we don't, if it's not nice for you, don't pretend, okay? I'm not going to be mad at you, no matter what. You can call it off at any point. I amnevergoing to pressure you about sex."

"Honestly, I don't want to let you down," admitted Tomas. But it was good to hear.

"You couldn't," promised Auden. "I was ready to never have sex, okay? I really like being with you even without that. So, anything extra is a nice surprise. I'm so lucky to be with you. Please don't put pressure on yourself, here, because I promise you, I'm not going to."

Tomas kissed him, and somehow, he could believe that things were going to be just fine.

They headed to the bedroom for whatever came next. Not in a daydream now, Tomas felt almost painfully present and in the moment. He really hoped this wasn't a mistake, but he wasn't going to change his mind. Even if Auden wouldn't hold him to this if he wanted to back out, he didn't want to.

It was the first time he'd seen Auden naked. All he could do was stare. The man was so beautiful and elegant, like a work of art. And the way Auden was staring at him told Tomas all he needed to know — Auden liked what he saw as well. In fact, he was blushing rather hard and was clearly excited.

Tomas had been told in one way or another that he was beautiful for most of his life, often in ways he didn't appreciate or situations that made him miserable because he didn't want the attention and didn't want to hurt anyone to escape it. But this look, from Auden? He felt it, and for perhaps the first time in his life, he loved it. It was wonderful to feel beautiful in Auden's eyes.

It was then that Tomas realized this was going to be important to him, too. Not the physical act so much, but everything this represented: the physical baring of the bodies, the touching and closeness, the trust. It felt almost spiritual, a symbol for something far more than a physical act or desire. Which, clearly, Auden had for him.

His breath caught as he reached for the man he wanted to spend his life with. Fear left him as he let himself trust, let himself believe in Auden, in both of them, and whatever the future held, opening himself to this joining, this union, this holy thing between them.

This wasn't just going to be just sex. Why had he thought it would be? This was about making love.

#

Auden made it to thefront door before Tomas. His hands were full, so he called out, "Knock knock!" in a cheerful voice. Tomas laughed softly; he'd have gotten the door for his boyfriend if he'd just waited a moment for Tomas to catch up; it wasn't as though the door would be locked. He lengthened his strides.

Just then the front door to Riley and Justin's house opened, and there stood Riles with a big smile on his face. "Guys!" He spread his arms in welcome. He looked benevolent as Santa Claus. "What's this I smell? Cheesecake? You shouldn't have." His smile showed he didn't mean that in the least.

"Tomas made it," Auden said proudly. He stood on his toes to hug Riley and kiss him on the cheek.

Justin appeared at the door in time to take the dish and give them both a quick greeting before disappearing again. He was wearing an apron and had the harried look of a man who was wrangling a bunch of rowdy kids. If Tomas had kissed Riley on the cheek, he'd probably have started foaming at the mouth, but he didn't bat an eye at Auden's greeting.

"Let's eat!" shouted someone from inside, the voice croaking in a hoarse teenage sound.

"You shouldn't have waited for us," Tomas said, clasping his partner's hand in a warm grasp.

Riley covered the hand with both of his own and beamed at him. "We were just about to start. Come on in."

Tomas did.

Auden's hand had been captured by one of the smaller kids who was leading him towards the kitchen table importantly. It was a big table, spread with food, with one big empty spot in the center. Light was streaming in through the kitchen windows, making everything look hallowed and pretty.

Hungry, squirming little kids sat around the table — as did hulking teenage boys. Some looked grumpy, some were chattering, and two of them were playing some kind of stabbing game with their forks, pulling their hands away quickly from the stabbing motions of sharp tines.

"Boys, quit playing with your forks," said a harassed Justin, "or you'll be eating with your hands." The forks disappeared and the boys straightened up, not about to hesitate when he used that tone of voice.

"Sit by me," Riley implored Tomas, who let himself be guided to an empty seat by his partner. They'd only seen each other yesterday; it hadn't beenthatlong. Still, he was glad to see Riley, too.

They hadn't talked in depth about the new turn to his and Auden's relationship; a few mumbled, embarrassed words had acknowledged it between them. There were certainly no details shared or long discussions, the way he seemed to have long discussions with Riles about every other aspect of his relationship. Sex was a lot more private and embarrassing to them both.

But the change in his relationship wasn't why Riley was so happy to see him and so focused on him; it was because Tomas was finally back in Riley's home, and they could have the family relationship he'd always believed in between them. Riley hadn't spoken about it because of course he would never say anything against his husband even to Tomas, but it had been painful for him not to have Tomas around; he wasn't supposed to be away for long. It had hurt something deep and wolfishly pack-oriented in Riley, even if he'd never said so. So now he was extra-possessive of Tomas and especially glad to have him here.

They sat down together, Riley draping an arm around Tomas's shoulders. Justin glanced at them, but there wasn't even a hint of a frown on his face. Good. Tomas really wanted to enjoy this meal, not face more drama and Justin weirdness.

Auden had been dragged to a seat with the little kids. Justin glanced at him to make sure he was okay, and his smile was happy and reassuring. One kid was already climbing on his lap while another was telling him something very important.

Justin carried over a huge plate of baked spiral ham surrounded by pineapple pieces and placed it in the middle of the table: of central importance to the meal, steaming hot and smelling delicious. Tomas wondered how long the ham would last, the way the kids were all looking at it, and whether he'd manage to get a taste.

Justin clapped his hands together. "Let's eat. Don't forget to pass the food, and no stabbing anybody."

Tomas managed not to laugh at that stern warning — barely. "You hear that, Riles? I'll do my best not to stab you." Riley laughed and bumped against him lightly with his chin. It was very close to a nuzzle.