Page 12 of A Quiet Man

"Okay. Thanks." Riley studied his coffee and picked at the edge of his cup. "I know Justin's been...difficult lately. Prickly and grumpy. But please don't hold it against him — and don't stop visiting."

Damn it. He'd been hoping to avoid this conversation. Tomas sighed. "It's not just your house, Riley."

"What?" Riley looked at Tomas, startled and a little hurt.

"You're both on the deed. You're in it together. I can't be there unless you both want me to. Okay? So just let it go for now. I'll stay away. We see each other at work, and he can always—"

"Tommy!" Riley sounded so bereft, it hurt. "Please — why would you say that? I know he's difficult sometimes, but..."

Tomas sighed loudly, beginning to get really annoyed. Did Riley really want to have it out like this, here and now, when they'd be together for the rest of the day, and any hard feelings would simply stew? He couldn't change how things were and didn't like being blamed for them.

"Please don't stop coming over. Please. I'll talk to him. We'll do better."

Tomas put down his coffee carefully, aware that his hands were trembling. Damn it, he really hated confrontation with people he cared about. Hated disappointing them. Hated their distress. Hated all of it, every second.

"He asked me to stay away, Riles. And I'm tired of him looking at me like something he wants to scrape off his shoe."

Riley covered his face with his hands. He didn't say a word. He held his coffee clenched between his knees, somehow not spilling a drop. His distress was palpable, and Tomas wished he'd been able to lie convincingly so Riley wasn't hurt. But there was no lie that wouldn't have hurt Riley — and possibly damaged their relationship as well. Riley had to be able to trust Tomas, not always wonder if Tomas was lying to spare his feelings. It was the only way to really stay friends — not to mention keep working together.

Tomas still wished he could have kept silent on the whole affair. Instead, he went on miserably. "I've never tried to horn in and interfere. I've never wanted to. But he doesn't see it that way. I'm in the way, and I need to go." He cleared his throat. "Just make sure you guys get some extra tutoring for the kids, okay? Okay, Riley?" He touched his partner's arm.

Riley nodded into his hands. He was rocking slightly back and forth, not more than a few inches. His distress was contained: small, silent misery. He didn't speak.

"Riles." Tomas massaged the big guy's shoulder. "That's why I didn't want to tell you."

"I'll be all right in a minute," Riley said in a muffled voice that sounded too small for a man his size. Riley took things hard, and personally, and it was clearly a blow for me to see that his perfect Justin still had a few flaws left in him. "We should patrol," Riley said after a few minutes of miserable silence.

"We will. You know this doesn't change anything between us, right? I'll stay away for a bit. Not a single thing changes between you and me, though."

"Okay," said Riley. He uncovered his face and gave Tomas a wavering smile that tried hard to be brave. "We'll figure things out, right? We always do."

"Yep. Always." Tomas gave Riley's shoulder another encouraging squeeze and managed a smile of his own.

"Just don't trade me in for a fox before we do," Riley added with a smile to show he was joking. Even though he clearly wasn't, judging by the worry in his eyes.

Tomas shook his head and smiled. He couldn't tell Riley how much he meant to him without getting severely embarrassed, and today had been emotional enough. "I think I'll stick around."

"Good. Do. I'll—" Riley swallowed back whatever he'd been about to say and, with another painful smile, changed the subject.

And they patrolled.

Surprisingly, Tomas felt better than he'd expected to after clearing the air. At least now he wouldn't be dreading the revelation for days or skirting around it — or, worst of all, lying to Riley. He'd have stopped being someone Riley could trust if he ever started lying to him. And that needed to never happen.

Maybe that's why Justin doesn't like me. Because Riley trusts me completely.

Whatever the case, things would be okay. It just might take a little time.

He hated the thought of letting the kids down, having them blame him as yet another adult who couldn't be counted on. But perhaps even that would be worth it, if it let them stay out of the conflict and remain unaware of it.

#

Tomas splashed wateron his face and stared into the mirror.I'm so alone, he thought.And I'm always going to be.

What an unpleasant, intrusive thought that was, this Sunday morning.

No spending the off-time with Riley & Co., obviously. He could visit his own family, of course, as there was a supper planned tonight, and he'd have some reading time, and even a visit down to the docks if he chose. It wasn't that he had nothing to do; he simply had no zest for anything at the moment. Even a day staying in bed and binge-watching TV didn't sound like fun.

Well, if he didn't feel like doing anything, then he could at least get some things done that he had to do. For instance, grocery shopping. He put on jeans and a couple of layers of shirts that Riley would probably have shuddered at, and had coffee. He ought to eat breakfast, but it sounded like too much trouble. Briefly, he considered stopping somewhere for a breakfast he didn't have to make himself, but decided not to bother. Nothing sounded particularly good anyway, and it would just drag things out pointlessly.