Page 31 of A Quiet Man

From the expression on Auden's face, he could tell the poor guy was bracing himself for the worst, and that almost certainly, all kinds of wild, awful situations were running through his head. It was time to put him out of his misery.

"So, uh, I really like you," Tomas began, taking Auden's arm gently and leading him towards the kitchen table, where they could sit while they talked. "But I don't have a lot of experience with relationships, and, um, I'm not sure that I'm gay. What I mean is, I'm not sure if I'm anything at all."

At Auden's confused expression, he hurried on. "In college, I did some things, but I never really felt that interested in sex. And it turned out the people I thought I was dating were just interested in that — not what I mean by a relationship. Somebody you trust. Someone to cuddle with and come home to and spend the night with and...everything."

He thought helplessly of what his parents had, what his brother and sister-in-law had. Whatever passion they'd started out with, it had certainly settled into something long-term and affectionate even when they weren't focused on the physical. Why was that so hard to find? Why did you have to start out with the passion and hope the other thing arrived someday? It was too much risky guesswork. He went on.

"I want to love someone and...and have that happily-ever-after. I'm just not sure I'll ever get there, because I really don't care about sex." Tomas spread his hands. "I mean, I'll sleep with you, if it helps. But if you're just going to leave afterwards, I mean, if that's all you want with me, then let's not, okay? I'm sure there's someone else out there who could be a sexy body for you. But it's going to break my damned heart if that's all this is. I really, really like you — but I don't know if I'm ever going to care about sex. But I care aboutyoutoo much already. And I really thought we were going to watch a movie." His voice cracked a little but didn't break. There. As inadequate as that felt, he'd gotten through it, and not a single tear blurred his sight.

Auden's expression went through several changes as Tomas spoke, and by the end it was soft with compassion, almost dewy-eyed. "Oh, Tomas." He moved to him, cupping Tomas's cheeks with his hands, staring at him as if he were precious and beautiful. "I'm really glad you told me that. I really like you. It's definitely not all about sex for me. In fact, I've been wondering if you were too good to be true. I've been seeing my happily-ever-after in your eyes, and thinking it can't be real. I've kissed some frogs, Tomas, and I don't want to date casually anymore. Or hook up. Or just be a warm body."

"Really?" Tomas's voice was trembling more than it had during his speech. "You mean that?"

"Of course I mean that. Do you know what a catch you are? I mean aside from the fact that you're cute and kind and funny. You want me for more than sex. There haven't been a lot of people who do. I'm a twink; I know it. I'm cute now, but I'm poor and not very educated and I say whatever pops into my head at the worst times. I'm not good 'forever' material. Most guys see someone fun to fuck, and that's it. I really don't want that to be my life, and then just loneliness after my looks go. How can I mind what you said? Maybe I don't completely understand about not caring about sex, but it's okay. You're so..." He ran his fingers through Tomas's hair. "You're so beautiful, and you're so good. I can hardly believe you like me, that you want to be my boyfriend. And yes, Tomas, I would very, very much like to watch a movie with you. And take everything else as it comes. Oh, hell, I shouldn't have said 'comes.' I wasn't punning you, honest." He buried his face against Tomas and stifled a groan.

"Those other guys were idiots," Tomas said indignantly, wrapping his arms around Auden and pulling him onto his lap. He felt daring and bold and protective. It felt amazing to hold him and to feel how loose and comfortable and warm he was — a little bony, but definitely cuddly. It felt like he trusted Tomas completely, like he wasn't frightened at all now.

"Who wouldn't want to keep you?" Tomas asked, honestly bewildered.

Auden's laugh was unsteady. "No one ever has. Not the way I want." He buried his face against Tomas's neck, holding on to him, and planted a soft kiss there. Tomas could hear by his breathing that he was trying to get his emotions under control.

And here I thought I'd be the one in tears. Tomas held Auden close, feeling all the protective urges that, maybe, he was finally allowed to feel.

Auden was his boyfriend. Auden accepted that he wanted more than sex. Auden really liked that — and he wanted it too. Auden was okay with him not being a very sexual person. And the rest? Well, they would figure the rest out as they went.

"Did you hear? I made popcorn," he offered, and Auden's laugh was unsteady but very happy.

"Yes, Tomas. I noticed the popcorn." He drew back and smiled at Tomas, his eyes shining. "And what movie would you like to watch? Be warned: I intend to cuddle."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

They smiled at each other, perfectly, miraculously in sync.

#

"It's like the CookingChannel, but in person," said Auden. He was sitting on the kitchen table, legs dangling and kicking gently in the air. He was watching avidly while Tomas cooked.

Tomas smiled slightly but didn't reply. He was too busy pushing chopped onions into a pan. They sizzled as they hit the olive oil, creating a delicious smell. He felt so light inside, so happy. He also used a bit more flare as he chopped, a bit more nonchalance as he combined ingredients. He wanted to cook an absolutely delicious meal for Auden — and Auden was impressed already. It was a marvelous feeling.

He'd chosen a simple favorite, which he'd never gone wrong with. So far, he'd never met anyone who didn't like homemade mac and cheese with bacon. Onions, cream sauce, and at least three kinds of cheese made it delicious; bacon was the kicker that brought home the compliments. After first making sure there wasn't anything in the dish that Auden couldn't eat, he'd gotten started. And somehow, being observed by those admiring brown eyes didn't make him self-conscious. In fact, he felt like showing off.

Still riding high on the knowledge that Auden liked him whether they had sex or not, he felt wonderfully alive and optimistic about the future. It had even been hard to contemplate the end of the universe lately.

He hadn't stopped counting their dates yet, but he thought he might soon, since it was now clear that Auden wasn't going to disappear, and that he hadn't been just talking. He'd meant every word; helikedTomas. He wanted to keep Tomas in his life.

I have a boyfriend. Tomas tried out the words in his head once again, and again, they sounded strange and new, but delicious, too. It left him as lightheaded as the smell of spring.

"Can I do something to help? I feel like I'm being lazy," said Auden.

"You're on your feet all day. I don't mind if you watch."

Auden grinned. "Even sitting on your kitchen table?"

Tomas laughed. "I don't mind," he repeated.

"I feel as if I'm breaking a rule somehow." Auden pulled out his phone and raised it, then hesitated. "May I take a picture?"

Tomas shrugged. "I don't see why not." He tried his best to put on aserious chefface.