Page 87 of A Kingdom of Fire and Fury (House of Embers #1)

I searched his eyes and saw the rage and fear etched into his very being. Just like earlier. I swallowed. I found a sudden kinship to him. We both loved Clara more than ourselves, and we both failed to protect her. “You really care for her, don’t you?”

“I do.”

I loosed a breath and stood up. “Then find a way to protect her.”

“On my life, I will.” Determination filled his eyes, and he looked at Clara’s sleeping form. “I’ll find a way to make this right.”

I jerked a nod and forced myself to walk away. I’m sorry, Clara. You’re going to have to be strong for us.

Several hours of flying later, I didn’t feel any better. And I had nothing but my thoughts for over a day. It was almost a relief when Kieran’s voice rang through my mind. ‘Are you alright? What happened?’

I swallowed. ‘ Where are you at?’

‘Almost at the border. I can sense you. I think in about an hour we’ll meet up.’

I glanced around, even though I knew it was useless.

Kieran had the most distance to travel since he shadow traveled to Gareth and the two of them had to fly to the border and hope to find the others in time.

I frowned. ‘Aurelia should be at the border by now. Ben too, since Luther had him patrolling.’

My stomach tightened. What would we see when we joined them? What if Aurelia and Ben didn’t manage to hold the Andovans off?

‘Stay back when we get there. DO NOT engage,’ Kieran ordered. ‘Gareth’s flying with me, but his dragon is faster, so he’ll meet up with you first. He’s going to heal your hand and then fly ahead. Umara and Hesperos are the slowest so we’ll fly together. Don’t engage until I give the order.”

I wanted to argue. It didn’t feel right to sit back and do nothing. But he was right. I had no experience, and I’d probably be more of a hindrance than a help. I wanted to shout at him, but how could I when our friends’ lives—and Aurelia’s—were on the line? There’d be time for anger later.

‘What happened?’ he asked. ‘Our bond must be affected by distance. I couldn’t hear you.’

I tried to ignore the worry that flared through the bond at that.

Godsdammit, he made it hard to have emotional control, because fuck him and his worry.

I could scream at him now, but I didn’t want to.

Not when there was a chance we’d die in the next couple of hours.

With that in mind, I told him what happened.

My eyes widened as his anger sparked, almost as strong as mine.

He and my sister had only met a week ago.

‘Of course I’m angry. She’s your sister, and she’s innocent. She shouldn’t be involved in this. I’m not a monster, Selena. I care.’

I scowled. ‘I want to kill him.’

Alarm jolted down the bond. ‘We need him alive. At least, right now we do.’

I laughed, but there was no humor to it. Of course. Because all Kieran cared about was the greater good. He didn’t give a fuck if other people got hurt. No, they were tools for him.

‘That’s not fair.’

Welp, looks like we were fighting. A part of me was relieved.

Because I was so fucking angry, and I needed him to know what he broke.

‘I don’t give a shit if it’s not fair. He hurt Clara, Kieran.

Clara. My very reason for living. I want to rip out his throat.

’ I ignored his obvious worry and concern.

‘You know about Faustus, don’t you?’ Silence.

Of course. I wanted to scream. ‘You’re such a fucking liar. ’

‘Faustus was different. The situation with him is bigger than our relationship. No one else but Luther and I knew about him. Not even Aurelia.’

It was one excuse after another. Where did the lies end? How could our relationship be real if Kieran kept all the danger from me, if he stole my agency? Even if he had his reasons, I didn’t care. And hearing his excuses made me want to throw something. ‘What do you know?’

‘All my intel—I don’t know if its fact or fiction. The play and the games the kids played had a lot of truths to them. I know that a great evil was pushed to the east. That’s why the wall was erected. It was said that the great evil was a monster who could control other monsters.’

My blood ran cold. ‘The gryphons?’

‘Yes. They were sent over by Faustus. I think he’s targeting you because of your Gift to control people. He wants to kill humans, yes, but I don’t doubt he wants to control the dragon riders. You’re a threat to his rule, Selena, and no doubt he wants you dead before you can gain any more power.’

My blood chilled. ‘I’m not like him.’

‘I know you’re not. You don’t have that in you. But Faustus doesn’t know that. Given time and training, you will be the most powerful of us. He’s probably scared shitless. ’

Umara growled, and I patted her scales. My head spun. I glanced behind me where I could see the stone wall in the horizon. My skin prickled. Could he see me from the other side? How did he know to target me? ‘You shouldn’t have kept this from me.’

Kieran didn’t hesitate to respond. ‘I planned on telling you. I thought we had more time, and the dragon eggs were a more pressing issue.’

I rolled my eyes. Calculating. That’s what Kieran was.

I’d known it from the beginning, and I never shied away from it.

How stupid I was to see all his lies and manipulations and still think I was exempt from it.

I should’ve known we’d never be partners.

‘That’s bullshit. How can we ever work if you keep things from me?

You don’t get to decide things for me. Ever. ’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘You keep saying that. It doesn’t take away the secrets.’

‘At the time, I didn’t know you. I didn’t trust you. And the dragon eggs took priority. Some things are bigger than our relationship, Selena. I don’t know what to tell you.’

Fire raged under my skin, fueled by Umara’s growls.

The secrets had piled up. After so many years of guarding my heart and never trusting a soul, I willingly gave it to Kieran, only to have it stabbed.

I never should have opened up to him. I should’ve kept my distance.

‘So if Luther asked you to kill me, would you? His loyal little dog .’ I laughed.

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘But would you?’

‘Selena— ’

‘WOULD. YOU?’

‘I’d slit his throat for asking. I know I lied. I know I messed up. It’s a lot right now, but I lo—you’re my everything. My heart. My soul. My reason to exist. I made a mistake. A huge one. But please don’t end things because of it. We can work through this. I’m on your side, Selena.’

My heart ached. ‘You’re not on my side. You’re working with him.

Not me. Even if I let the fated mates thing slide—which I’m not—you still kept everything with the gryphons from me.

I thought I learned the real you, but it was just another mask.

I can’t be like you. I won’t be like you.

I won’t use the people I claim to love.’

‘Selena—’

I closed my eyes and wished I could sleep for an eternity.

‘So many times we talked about trust and working together. You made me look like a fool. You had so many chances to come forward, but you didn’t.

I trusted you despite everyone telling me not to.

I’ve never done that before. Never allowed myself to hope and listen to my heart instead of my brain.

But today you proved that was a mistake. It’s one I won’t make again.’

Kieran let out a pained sound. ‘Selena, please—’

‘We’re done talking about this. The trust is gone between us, and it can never be regained.

If it wasn’t for the dragon eggs and Faustus, I’d leave in a heartbeat and never see you again.

You knew that Clara came first. She always will.

And you still… you want to work with the man who hurt her.

You still kept me in the dark when her safety was involved. I can’t forgive that. So just stop.’

‘Please. Don’t end this. ’

‘We’re stuck with the bond, but it doesn’t mean anything to me. Not anymore. I won’t let it.’

Pain rippled through the bond. I ignored it. I’d gotten good at that. The connection fell silent for a long moment.