Page 83 of A Kingdom of Fire and Fury (House of Embers #1)

Kieran’s hands twitched. I knew he wanted to reach out to me, but he knew better.

I’d strike him if he tried. A liar. A manipulator.

How could I have let myself be so blinded and think I was immune to his games?

“If I told you, you would have run for the hills. Everything we wanted to build would’ve been turned to ash. ”

I laughed. It was that or cry, and I sure as fuck didn’t want to cry in front of him. “Because that’s what it all comes down to. Kieran the Executioner. You’ll always be Luther’s little lapdog.”

“I told you from the start where my goals aligned—”

“Don’t you care that you hurt me? Not telling me is as good as manipulating me. I told you not to lie to me anymore. You promised we’d work together. You—”

“I panicked!” he shouted, his breaths running ragged. “I didn’t think you’d get the mark. It changed everything, and I didn’t want it to.”

I stilled. “What’s that supposed to mean? Tell. Me.”

Kieran looked at me with those pleading eyes.

Another manipulation meant to tug on my heartstrings.

“I searched every myth, every reference I could find. From what I read, bonds only form if the fated pair are willingly falling for each other. That night at the tower was the first time I let myself wonder. That’s why I stayed away.

But then you persisted, and we kept talking, but the mark never formed on your skin.

I wasn’t going to tell you, because I didn’t want you to feel shackled to me. ”

Every breath burned. “Bullshit. You didn’t want me to pull away. That wasn’t protecting my feelings. You can’t protect someone by leaving them in the dark.” I thought I’d been protecting Clara, but the only thing I’d done was left her vulnerable.

“I know that.” His voice tightened. “I’m so fucking sorry, Selena. If I could take it back and be the one to tell you, I would. ”

I folded my arms. “You hinted at it earlier. Why didn’t you tell me after my mark formed? Don’t give me a bullshit reason. I know you’re hiding something.”

His jaw flexed. “Not everyone is out to get you, Selena. I didn’t keep it from you to manipulate you or to get you to work with me. I love—”

“Don’t!” My nostrils flared. “Don’t say those words.

Not right now. Not while we’re fighting.

I’ll never forgive you if you say those words.

” I stepped forward, staring up into those gray eyes I often found myself lost in.

He had no right to look so wrecked. “You always have a plan, Kieran. And I was a fool to think us getting together would mean I was in on it. Was it ever real? Did you keep silent so that the bond would form on my part and I’d be trapped with you? ”

Before Kieran could speak, it happened. A golden tether appeared between us, connecting the marks to each other.

Both the marks glowed, so bright you could see them underneath our clothes.

My breath hitched. Something about it was so pure.

I couldn’t believe something like that was attached to me.

I stared at Kieran’s glowing mark with wide eyes.

When I looked up, his expression was similarly shocked.

A flood of emotions crashed over my mind.

Guilt. Frustration. Doubt. Affection so deep it could’ve been.

.. These feelings… they didn’t belong to me.

I jerked back. The golden tendril connecting us faded and our marks stopped glowing, but I could still feel Kieran’s emotions in the corners of my mind. “What is that? What did you do? ”

Kieran poked at his mark and shuddered. “Nothing.”

I did the same, and at my touch, it was like lightning had struck my very being. His emotions flared in my mind again. Guilt. Wonder. Worry. Fear. “What the hell, Kieran? How do we get rid of this?”

Something flickered in Kieran’s eyes, but it disappeared.

Hurt shot down the bond—because there was no denying it—that’s what this was.

Like my connection with Umara, except this was much stronger, and so much louder.

“I don’t think we can.” I caught more flickers of emotion. Frustration. A tendril of fear.

“How can I read your emotions? It’s like—like I feel them in the corners of my mind.”

Kieran grimaced. “I can do the same.” Guilt.

No. My heart squeezed. Not another lie. “Why do you feel guilty?” There it was again. Another flash of guilt, worry, regret so strong it was as if I felt it myself. “This isn’t new to you, is it?”

“As soon as I accepted what the mark meant, the bond activated for me.” He closed his eyes.

“That’s part of why I didn’t say anything.

If I had to guess, once you accepted the bond or realized it, it cemented itself.

And once you do—as far as I’m aware, there’s no removing it.

When you asked me about the mark, I didn’t want to trap you.

I planned on doing some research, Selena. I’m not the monster you think I am.”

But I didn’t care about his excuses. Not right now. Not when the only thing I could think about was— “You’ve been able to read my emotions. ”

Worry. Guilt. Sorrow. Regret. Fear.

“It’s not like that.” Kieran took another step forward. “I didn’t ask for the bond or the mark. Everything I did, it wasn’t to control you. It was to save you.”

I shoved all my anger down the bond, a tether that wouldn’t ever go away. “And yet you have no remorse using it for your own advantage.” I shook my head. “I don’t even want to see your face right now. Let’s go to fucking Treave. The sooner we get it done, the sooner I can get away from you.”

“Wait.”

My hand froze on the doorknob. “ What?” Every time I looked at him, it was like my heart was being ripped in two.

“We can’t leave yet. We need to wait another hour.”

“Of course.” I had to laugh at the bad luck. I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned against the door.

Kieran winced as a heavy silence stretched between us. “When I got the mark, I was overwhelmed.”

I rolled my eyes. He had another thing coming if he thought that was enough to make me forgive him.

I heard rather than saw Kieran’s exhale. “I felt angry, to be tied to someone against my will. Followed by denial. There was no way such a thing could exist. But when I researched it, I couldn’t deny what had happened. Fate has decreed us to be mates.”

“We’re not fucking animals!” I shouted looking at him for the first time. “We get to choose.”

“We do,” he agreed softly. “That’s why I didn’t tell you.

At least, that’s what I told myself. I didn’t want you to feel stuck like I had.

I don’t feel trapped anymore, and if anything, it’s a relief to know why I’m so fucking obsessed with you.

You’re my choice, Selena, you’re who I want to come to.

And I—I couldn’t admit it to myself, but I didn’t tell you right away because I knew you’d run. ”

He stepped closer, barely an inch forward, and yet it felt too close.

A tormented look flicked across his eyes.

“I’ll respect your wishes, and I won’t say those words to you but know that they’re there.

It wasn’t because of my plans that I kept the secret from you.

I’m human, Selena. It wasn’t logic. It wasn’t reason.

It’s because even the thought of losing you breaks me.

I want you by my side forever. I want your support, your guidance.

I want you to challenge my decisions when you feel them unjust. But more than anything, I want to be part of your joy.

I want to give you the world on a platter.

I’ve had time to come around to the bond and accept just how much you mean to me.

It’s terrifying, Selena, absolutely terrifying. I’d die for you in a heartbeat.”

My breath hitched at the sincerity shining through the bond, so bright it was almost blinding.

“Don’t say that!” I snapped, closing my eyes and pushing all that brightness back into the dark where it belonged.

“Don’t fucking play martyr. You ruined this.

You played with my feelings. You kept this from me to control me. ”

“No. Never.” Kieran shook his head. He went to take a step forward but stopped himself. Good. I didn’t want him anywhere near me. “I made a mistake. One I will spend my life trying to atone for. Please, Selena. Don’t look for a way out.”

I raised my chin. “Fuck. You.”

I was still fuming by the time we landed in Treave’s dense forest. “Don't let anything distract you,” Kieran said as we surveyed the land. It’d taken us a while to find a spot to land, and the whole time I’d been glaring at his back.

I clenched my jaw. “Don’t patronize me. I know how to be a professional.”

He hummed noncommittedly, but I felt a sliver of guilt press against my mind.

I scowled and slammed my mental walls back up.

Fuck him and his guilt. Pushing him out of my thoughts, I kept my eyes peeled for the carriage.

Despite what Kieran feared, I knew how to be a professional.

I wasn’t going to fuck this up because I was pissed at him. I wasn’t a child.

“I’m sorry.”

I ignored him. The mission. Focus on the mission. The sooner we get the eggs, the sooner I can get the hell away from him.

When we heard the sound of a carriage, my stomach tightened. “Do you think this is it?”

“It matches the description. Stay here. I’ll get the eggs and hand them to you. If we’re attacked, they’ll think I have them.”

He melted into the shadows. I gripped my knife, hating the feeling of helplessness that rocked through me.

As angry as I was, his calm stream of emotions eased some of the tension in my body.

Instead of cutting it off like I’d been doing, I allowed the channel to open up further.

Please let this be the right carriage. Please.

Our future depended on it. Clara’s future depended on it. What’s taking so long?

The trees rustled. But it was too strong for these winds. In fact, it was familiar—