Page 38 of A Kingdom of Fire and Fury (House of Embers #1)

I studied the guilt in Kieran’s eyes. Even though he hadn’t lived in his hometown since he claimed his dragon, he still clearly felt responsible for Caddel Province, and most of the attacks occurred there.

Not only that, but as captain of the dragonsguard, he was sworn to protect the people from danger.

I didn’t think Kieran was the type of noble to care and take every loss so personally.

Maybe his goal of helping commoners wasn’t entirely baseless.

Sure, it was unlikely but since he actually cared…

“Do you really think me being a rider will change things? ”

He looked at me, his eyes burning. “Of course I do. Lusadian kings and queens have had control of the narrative for years. But the truth has been lurking in the shadows all along. Nobles aren’t the only ones who can reach for greatness. I need you, Selena. The country needs you.”

I fiddled with my vial. “And the dragon eggs will magically fix that?”

“Of course not. But they will stop the war from being an overnight threat to a five year one.” He looked at me from the corner of his eyes. “Any other questions?”

“Well, since you offered.” I smirked. “Everything I learn about you confuses the shit out of me. You were a real dick when I met you, and last night when you…” Heat flooded my cheeks. When you pinned me against the wall. “What was that about?”

A gleam appeared in Kieran’s eyes. He clanked our vials together and downed his. “To driving you crazy.”

“Asshole.” I smiled and shook my head. “Why do you think the gryphons attacked me? Do you think it’s my Gift manifesting?”

Kieran frowned. “I don’t. Ideally, it’d be a fluke, but… but we won’t know until the mission.”

I shuddered. “Gods, I hope it’s a fluke. How do you stand it? I—I want to do the mission, but I don’t… I don’t know.” The thought made my knees shake.

He set his vial down onto the floor. “Believe it or not, I take up hobbies.” His lips twitched at my incredulous expression. “I’m not unaware of my sins. If I only thought of them, I’d drive myself insane. ”

“What kind of hobby?” Curiosity consumed me. I couldn’t explain it, but I needed to know. Kieran thrived off confusing me, and this was just another piece of the puzzle that I wanted to unravel. Kieran’s ears reddened, and I found myself entranced, unable to look away. I need to see it again.

“Why so many questions? Isn’t it my turn?”

I grinned. Finally, I have him. After so long of him holding all the cards, he wasn’t completely in control. “I think you want to tell me.”

Kieran met my gaze, his eyes darkening. “Do you truly think you know me?”

Suddenly, I was back at the night when we were last here, when Kieran pressed me against the wall.

My heart thumped, pulse skyrocketing. Heat coiled between my thighs.

The way he looked at me… it was like he wanted to devour me.

“I think you like playing the bad guy because underneath you’re scared like everyone else.

But deep down, you want someone to look at you and see you.

You want them to know you’re not a monster. ”

“But I am one,” he murmured. “And I’m not waiting for someone to tell me otherwise.”

I hummed. “You’re not waiting for it, but you still want it, even if you can’t admit it to yourself.

Why else bring me here?” He didn’t have to comfort me, didn’t have to tell me about the dragon eggs.

He played it off before, gave different reasons.

But sitting here, I knew it was kindness on his part.

And yet he won’t hesitate to use me for his goals. But the thought didn’t bother me as much anymore. I’ll use him back in return. He’s the key to seeing my sister. I fiddled with my glass and lifted my chin. “You’re not as complicated as you try to seem, Kieran.”

Kieran’s eyes glittered. “And here I thought you were going to tell me I wasn’t a monster.”

My body tingled. “Maybe after the mission when you make good on your promise. Until then, you haven’t earned it.” And even then… after what he did to William, I wasn’t sure I could ever say those words.

He laughed, but there was an edge to it. “Fair point.”

I blinked in surprise when he stood up and made his way to the closet before pulling out a violin case. “That’s your hobby?”

He pulled it out of its case. The violin was well cared for, its wood polished and practically gleaming. “No, I like to collect them.”

“Seriously? Where’s the rest of your collection?”

Kieran shot me an incredulous look. “Are you this gullible?” When I flushed, he smirked. But the smirk faded into a soft smile when he looked down at the violin.

“Play something for me.” That familiar need was back.

I wanted to see underneath that mask of his, see the fragile soul underneath it.

And he wanted me to see it. I knew he did.

Why else would he bring out the violin? I sat up straighter, my eyes never leaving him.

Show me who you are. I shouldn’t be this hungry for it, but I was. In his presence, I felt ravenous.

“Demanding, aren’t we?” He thrummed the strings but had yet to lift it to his chin. “I think I like you better when you wanted nothing to do with me.”

“Well, I like you better when you’re not lying to yourself.” I folded my arms. “This side of you isn’t a total jackass.” Just like the side of him that took me to see the father trees.

He huffed a laugh. “A dangerous thought. Fine. What do you want me to play?”

A number of tavern songs came to mind, but none of them seemed good enough. That need rose up once more. I wanted to know him, to unravel him. I wasn’t lying before. The hopeful dreamer in him, I could follow behind, even if it was na?ve. “Whatever your favorite piece is.”

His gaze lingered on mine before he nodded.

He lifted the violin to his chin and closed his eyes.

A slow melody rang out around the room. And just like that, he completely had me in his thrall.

This was the real Kieran Caddel underneath all the masks and manipulations.

Both a fierce spirit and a delicate soul.

A dreamer and a warrior. The melody resonated the duality of him.

He looked ethereal. The moonlight cast a halo on him.

The shadows curled around him, like a dangerous caress.

Even his eyes seemed to glow behind his eyelids.

It struck me then, how monumental this moment was.

I could slit his throat if I dared. But I didn’t want to.

It’d been a while since I truly wanted to harm him.

How many have seen this side of him?

I blinked when the music stopped, and a wall shuttered behind his eyes.

Beautiful. Breathtaking. But I couldn’t say anything like that.

“I’ve never heard that song before.” It was the easiest thing to say, an almost nonanswer.

But it was better than telling him my heart wouldn’t stop beating so fast I was sure it might explode.

Kieran lowered the violin from his chin. “You wouldn’t. I composed it myself.”

My eyes widened. “It’s a nice piece.” Another safe response. “When did you learn how to compose?”

Kieran loosed a breath. “Part of my noble education, I’m afraid. Though I went beyond what was required. It was one of the few subjects I could excel at without raising my stepmother’s ire.” His smile was soft as he looked down at the instrument. “It was something that was solely mine.”

It makes so much sense. Looking at him, I could almost see that little kid yearning for approval, not yet capable of building a mask.

“The song was beautiful.” My heart thudded.

This was different from the trip to the father trees.

That could’ve been easily excused as a manipulation on his part—a way to keep me out of the dragonsguard’s investigation because they didn’t trust me.

And of course, in that moment, I had felt grateful because I thought Kieran was merely doing something nice.

But in the end, the best way to trap a fly was with honey rather than vinegar.

That was why this night in Rafferty Tower changed things.

Because I couldn’t deny the kindness Kieran showed me.

This didn’t benefit him. Not really. There were so many other ways he could’ve distracted me without showing such a vulnerable side to himself.

I couldn’t deny the shift in my feelings toward him.

It was terrifying. Intoxicating. I needed more.

“I’m still not fully convinced you wrote it. ”

He grinned. “I might be a liar, but I’m not a thief. Unlike some people.”

“Play me another song. Something you composed.” This side of him, I didn’t want it to end.

Kieran lifted the violin back to his chin and began to play. It started off angry and intense, the music bouncing off the walls. In between the anger was something softer, something sad and a little hopeful. The melody became tentative, almost like it was afraid.

I couldn’t take my eyes off Kieran as he swayed.

His foot tapped to the beat, and his eyes remained closed.

A work of art. Even when I was at my most angry at him, I couldn’t deny he looked like the Mother had personally and lovingly sculpted him.

From his broad shoulders, thick biceps, and to the vein bulging on his left arm.

His shirt was buttoned down, leaving his collarbones exposed.

I want to bite it. Even his pointed ears—he looked otherworldly. Like a fae god.

He shifted and that’s when I noticed it. A swirling black tattoo, like his Rider’s Mark, resting just above his heart. “When did you get that?” I blurted. It wasn’t his Gift Mark. That was on his right hipbone—I’d seen that beauty during training one day.

The music came to an abrupt halt. “It’s nothing.” Kieran set the violin down and buttoned his shirt up.

I frowned. “If it’s nothing, then why not tell me?” I grinned. “Did you get it on a dare, is that it? What does it mean?”