Page 9 of A Game of Monsters (Realm of Fey #4)

Just as the namesake of the group of assassins suggested, the Asps were as slippery as a snake. And Seraphine being the queen of that nest, she could get past anything – even death itself.

The world believed she’d died – buried beneath Imeria Castle during the Draeic attack. However, I’d discovered the truth when I arrived back to the ruins of Imeria.

Seraphine survived and was very much alive, a secret I’d since kept for her in trade for the secret she was forced to keep for me.

And here she stood, alive and well, no different to when I found her all those weeks ago. I thought she was a ghost haunting the ruins of Imeria castle when I arrived with a delirious Duncan before Duwar had truly taken hold of his body. That was until she explained that she’d escaped before the castle came down. The rest of her fellow Asps were not so lucky.

Duncan knew that Seraphine was alive, but that was it. And I’d promised to keep her secret, because she kept mine.

Something happened that day, between Duncan, Duwar and Seraphine. A tale I could barely think about without my skin crawling. And yet, every time I looked at the ropes of vines and flowers that now adorned the walls of my ruined castle, I always thought of Seraphine: she’d been there to witness Duncan do it, as well as other things…

“You look like shit, Robin.” Seraphine watched me from her seat on the plush reading chair. She leaned forwards, legs spread, resting elbows on her knees.

“I feel like shit,” I replied, fisting my hands so she didn’t see the stumps that were once nails. “How have you been?”

It was the type of question friends asked after a long period of time apart, and yet I still wasn’t sure that I could call Seraphine a friend.

“Coping,” she answered, plainly. “Which is as much as you could expect, you know, considering…”

“Considering I’m harbouring a world-ending threat?”

She raised her eyes up to me, the rich colour scoring through my skin. “Yes, something like that.”

I hadn’t told Seraphine by choice. What had happened between Duncan and me, when we returned to Imeria, was something no one could ignore. If Seraphine hadn’t revealed herself in the chaos, I might not have been alive to this day to even have this conversation. But I wasn’t ready to talk about that yet, and nor was she.

“I admit that I’m surprised you came to Lockinge,” Seraphine said, kindly drawing the conversation away from the secrets we both hid. “When I received your letter, I almost couldn’t believe it but here you are… standing out like a wilted rose amongst thorns.”

“Did you think I was going to bring Duncan with me?”

She bowed her head. “I did. I can’t say I’m not relieved that you left him back at home.”

“I wouldn’t risk lives like that,” I rushed out. “The danger is too great.”

She nodded, not needing to press me further on what those risks where. She understood. “Then I imagine you are here for a reason, as my summons also suggests. Although Robin, do you need reminding that my services are no longer available for hire? Or did you simply want me to come for a catch-up, two friends chatting about life in the new world?”

I scoffed at that, eyeing up the half-drunk goblet of wine. “What good is the new world, if it’s all some big lie?”

Seraphine didn’t tell me I was wrong. “Friend.” She laid a hand on my knee, offering me some comfort. “You didn’t need to come all this way to accept my offer. A letter would’ve done–”

“That is not why I’m here,” I snapped, before realising my mistake. The mere suggestion of what Seraphine had offered the last time I saw her, sent a bout of sickness across my gut.

She leaned back, lifting arms in surrender. “I didn’t mean to upset you, only remind you if you needed it.”

“No reminder required.” I shook my head, before burying my face in my hands. “Sorry. It’s been a long day. Fuck, it’s been a long few weeks. The days all blend into one at this point.”

One last squeeze of my knee and then Seraphine withdrew. “I understand. Go on then, you got me all the way here, what is it you want from me?”

“If I said friendly company, would you believe me?”

“No, I wouldn’t.” She rocked back, took my goblet of wine and finished it in a single gulp. “So, what is it?”

“A snake may shed its skin, but beneath, you are still a snake,” I said, looking through my lashes at her.

“Ouch.” Seraphine’s face pinched into a scowl of disgust, confirming she knew exactly what topic I was dancing around.

“You know what I mean,” I added.

“Once an Asp, always an Asp. Is that what you’re trying to suggest?”

“Not exactly suggest,” I replied. “Hope, maybe.”

Seraphine sighed, as if she already expected this. “There is only one life I’m willing to take without payment, and you know whose that is.”

Duncan’s life. That had been her offer after what happened. She would kill Duncan, because I was far too weak to do it. My answer now, as it had been that day, was still the same. No. “I’m not that desperate.”

“ Yet ,” Seraphine added, as though I missed the word.

I took a deep breath in. “I need help finding someone, not killing them. Do you have it in you to come out of retirement for a task like that?”

She ran a gloved hand over her chin, mocking contemplation. “And the payment? Don’t think about offering me another place to live either, Robin. It seems your idea of home has weak foundations.”

She wasn’t wrong. I gave her and her Asps Imeria as a home, and it had come crumbling down on them. “Is saving the world sufficient compensation for your assistance?”

Dark horror flashed behind her eyes. I don’t think she realised she did it, but Seraphine lifted a hand and ran it down the side of her opposing arm. The last time I’d seen her, that very arm had been bandaged after the skin was flayed by Duncan’s lightning.

Lightning meant for me. If anything, I owed Seraphine so much more. She’d left Imeria, harbouring my secrets, with the ability to bring the wrath of the human and fey realms down upon me. Which I deserved. I’d led death to Seraphine’s new doorstep and killed the men and women she’d called family.

And being the sole survivor of a family was a hard burden to bear. I would know. Perhaps that was why we bonded so quickly. Seraphine and I recognised kinship in one another. Two lonely souls bound by secrets, forever cursed to wonder the world alone, even with people surrounding us.

“And who do you want me to find for you?” Seraphine asked after a moment of silence.

I took her ignoring my previous answer as an acceptance of my request. “Rafaela.”

There was no ignoring the furrow of Seraphine’s brow. “The Nephilim?”

I nodded. “She’s why I made the journey here. I need to speak to her.”

“And here I was thinking you came to celebrate your closest friend’s wedding.”

“I’m not really in the headspace for celebrating,” I said, cringing internally at the mention of the wedding, an event I was dreading. Not only for the joy I was to pretend to share, but also seeing friends I’d pushed away.

“But you are in the capital which has been, rather impressively, taken over by the Nephilim. Can’t you ask around for Rafaela since you’re here, or perhaps take the hint that she hasn’t reached back to you because she just doesn’t like you?”

“That may be the case,” I said, swallowing the bile that burned at the back of my throat. I blinked and saw her golden hammer in the hands of Zarrel, heard the echo of his refusal to let me see Rafaela and the mention of ‘approval’ from Cassial. “I think something has happened to her, something bad, and considering I helped her destroy the keys, I find myself feeling responsible for whatever state she is in.”

“Careful, Robin. You may just bury yourself beneath the burdens of everyone else, before realising your own are killing you from the inside,” Seraphine warned.

“Beautifully put,” I replied. “Have you taken up poetry since we last saw each other?”

“Actually, Your Majesty , I’ve turned my hands to sketching. Had to give them something to do since I’ve put down the daggers and poisons.”

My leg twitched, bouncing up and down, fingers pinching into the material of my trousers. “Please, Seraphine. I beg you to help me.”

“Must be bad if you left your little demon back in Icethorn, travelled all this way, just to see her.”

“She would do it for me if the tables were turned.” If Seraphine refused me, I would willingly get on my knees and beg her. “I need to–”

Need to what? Know if Rafaela was okay because I was genuinely worried about her? Or was it because I knew, without her assistance, I’d not be able to put an end to this literal hell on earth? Both, perhaps. Either way, I had to get answers, and nobody else I knew had the ability to carve answers out of nothing but will alone.

“How long do I have for this task?” Seraphine stood from the chair, speaking from a professional place. Gone was the relaxed interaction between us. Once again, I was her employer, and she was my Asp.

“As soon as possible.” Relief blossomed within me, like a flower beneath sun. “Or at worst, by dawn. But I appreciate that’s short notice.”

Seraphine didn’t look happy with me, and yet I knew she’d made her mind up. “Is that a lack of confidence in my skills that I hear beneath your words?”

I feigned a smile, shaking my head. “Never.”

Seraphine tipped her head and turned back for the door. “You’ll know when I have your answers. Don’t blame me if it’s not what you want to hear.”

“I won’t. Thank you,” I said, chasing her heel until we both stood before the closed door. Before she swept out, I reached out and took her wrist in my hand. “Seraphine, just another moment before you go.”

She paused, hand clutching the door handle. “If you want to reminisce about what we’ve lost, I’m not in the mood for it.”

“No,” I said. “It’s nothing like that. I just… I just want to ask what’s changed for you, that you’d help me without payment. Not like you to do charity work, after all.”

When she looked back at me, I saw fear in her eyes for the first time. Even when she’d stood between me and Duncan, lightning arching toward her, as Duwar finally took control of Duncan’s body, she hadn’t looked frightened.

But now, she looked as terrified as I felt inside.

“Because I found something to lose,” Seraphine answered. “Just when I believed everything was taken from me, my life ruined. Turned out when you don’t go looking, life comes looking for you.”

My heart ached at her genuine reply. “What’s their name?”

She glanced down to her hand. Although I couldn’t see the ring beneath her gloves, I saw the outline of the metal as she ran a thumb over it. “Lindwell. Or Lin for short.”

Her hand then shifted from the ring into a jacket pocket. From there she retrieved what looked to be a square of cloth, something sun-faded and frayed at the edges. Slowly, she unfolded it and handed it to me.

“I told you I got into sketching,” Seraphine said as my eyes settled on what was in my hands. “A lot can happen in a matter of months, especially when one finally gives up control to the ravine that is life.”

I looked down to a picture, drawn in neat, detailed lines. The faces of three people looked up at me. Seraphine stood beside a man, her features sharper than they looked in person but still recognisable. The man, who must’ve been her husband, Lindwell, stood behind a young girl. I couldn’t tell how old she was, and nor did she look anything like Seraphine. And yet there was a tenderness to the sketch, a love that oozed from the heart-shaped face of the young girl, and the soft smile Seraphine offered down to her.

“Altar, Seraphine–” I choked, finding my body rooted to the floor. “I see you’ve found more than just a husband.”

“Lin came with baggage in the form of a five year-old girl. She lost her mother a few years back from sickness, and it would seem I’ve found myself slotting into her life as the right shape to fit her missing pieces.”

I couldn’t take my eyes off the sketch. It was only when Seraphine took it back, folded it neatly and placed it back in her inner pocket – the one just shy of her heart – that I looked up to her. “I’m so happy for you, Seraphine. You’ve found a family, just when those before were taken away from you.”

If I was so happy, then why did tears sting my eyes?

“You certainly look it,” Seraphine laughed, nudging my shoulder with her fist. “Consider me convinced.”

I cleared my cheek of the single pesky tear with the back of my hand. “I really am.”

Seraphine shrugged in dismissal. “Everyone else was enjoying this new world, I thought I’d join in on the fun. Turns out, along the way, I discovered the potential of a future and, if I’m honest, I’m thrilled by it. I’ve never wanted to be a mother, but meeting Amara and Lin, I feel as though life has given me a second purpose.”

A lump formed in my throat at the raw emotion rolling from Seraphine. “So, about that payment you mentioned…”

“Save the world, Robin. Fix these problems, then I will consider any debts between us cleared.”

I bit down on my lower lip. It was in that moment the severity of our secret hit me. Seraphine had found love, whilst knowing that I kept the very creature that could take it all away from her. I’d thought nothing was stopping Seraphine from taking matters into her own hands and killing Duncan, just as she offered to do. Except, something was stopping her and now I understood.

It was the same thing she’d found returning to Lockinge. It was love.

“I will fix this,” I said to her, refusing to look anywhere else but her eyes. I needed Seraphine to see my honesty, to know that I had a plan and would do anything to see it through. “For Lin. For young Amara. I will do anything to make sure you truly can enjoy the new world that everyone thinks they’ve achieved now.”

Seraphine straightened her posture, drinking me in with a look that sang of pity. “And Rafaela is the key to solving this issue? Pardon the pun.”

I winced at the mention of keys, knowing that was what got us into this mess. “Yes, Rafaela should have the knowledge to help me. At least I hope she does.”

“And if not?”

There it was… the question I knew this conversation would lead back to.

“Then the next time I call upon you, it will be for that offer you put forward.”

“I hope Rafaela has those answers you seek, if that is the case.” The muscles in the sides of Seraphine’s cheeks tensed. “Robin.”

“Yes, friend.”

She stepped back as if the title physically struck her. “I finally like this life, even after everything that has happened before it, I really wish to hold onto this one.”

I’d never seen such emotion in her. Not even when she’d told me the only reason she stayed in Imeria was because she was personally digging out each member of the Asps from the rubble to ensure they got a proper burial.

She’d bargained a new home for them. A chance at a new life. And although the Draeic came for me, Seraphine blamed herself. And yet it was now, as she looked at me, one hand on the door, the other over the concealed sketch in her pocket, she looked ready to shatter.

“I promise,” I said, meaning it.

“Hmm. I can’t help but wonder at the cost you will pay, though,” Seraphine said, drinking me in with all-knowing eyes.

I had no answer prepared for this, nor the time given to hide the truth. So, for the first time, I said it aloud for someone to hear.

“Me,” I said.

There was nothing else I needed to say. Seraphine took my answer for what it was, gritted her teeth and sharpened her stare. “We all pay unfair prices for the safety of those we love.”

“We do,” I agreed.

Seraphine gave me one last hard look, turned the door handle and opened it. If I expected her to push me for more answers, she didn’t. It wouldn’t take a genius to understand what I’d meant.

“Tomorrow morning.”

“Please.”

Seraphine laid a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I will send word when I have located Rafaela. Before I go, is that all I’m required for?”

“Not all,” I added, noticing her surprise. “I want you to enjoy life. Take it by the reins and rule it. You, Lin and Amara. Enjoy them… make the sacrifices you’ve previously paid for this second chance worth it. Make sure you enjoy it, for me.”

A single tear escaped her eye, matching my own. This was as much a goodbye as it was a reunion. Then, without another word, Seraphine slipped from the room. I held my breath, but by the time I looked down the corridor, she was gone, and the guard was back to patrolling.

I stood like that for a while, speechless and empty. As if saving the world wasn’t enough of a motivation for my actions, but seeing the potential of a future, knowing what this meant to Seraphine – who’d lost so much – made my focus only intensify.

My eyes settled on the closed door opposite my room. Erix would be inside, sleeping, doing the very thing I should. But I knew that would be impossible.

I slipped across the corridor before I changed my mind.

Pushing every other thought from my mind, I scanned the dark room and found the outline of a bed in the distance. No matter how carefully I tried to close the door, the click of the latch still woke him.

“It’s only me,” I called softly as Erix stirred awake. “Sorry to scare you.”

“Robin?” Erix replied through a croaky voice. “What’s wrong?”

I stood at the entrance to his room, wondering if I left now, would he fall asleep and forget this.

When I couldn’t force out a reply, Erix leaned up on his elbows, fixing those bright eyes on me. “Talk to me, little bird. Let me help you.”

The use of my nickname broke me. “I – I can’t sleep.”

I hadn’t tried yet, but I knew that it would’ve been impossible.

I sounded like a broken child, which wasn’t entirely wrong. Erix’s pondering silence made me fill the quiet with more words – words I knew I’d regret one day.

“I’m afraid of the dark, more so than ever before,” I forced out, before the sob in my throat choked me.

In the wake of speaking with Seraphine, the weight of what I had to do, and why, was suffocating me just like she’d warned.

There was a shuffling as Erix manoeuvred his long body, shifting wings out the way. They’d been draped over him like blankets, covering his almost-naked body. My cheeks warmed at the glimpse of undershorts. Erix looked so vulnerable, matching how I felt inside and out.

“Do you need me to come to your room, little bird?” Erix asked, the question having far too much weight to it. “Or you can stay here… with me.”

It felt like a betrayal, doing this, with Duncan all alone in Imeria, guarded like a monster, chained to a bed I once hoped we could share together. Why did I deserve comfort, when he had none? And yet my feet moved, my legs drawing me over to Erix’s bedside. I stood by the edge of the bed, exhaling tension-filled breaths until a hand reached for me and pulled me back.

“This is wrong of me,” I whispered, thinking about Duncan and how pained he would be to know I was standing in this room. “Tell me to go back to my room.”

“As long as you sleep, little bird. That is all I worry about, there is nothing wrong with that.”

The bed creaked as Erix made space for me to join him. “I’ll keep you safe in the dark. Now, tomorrow and every day going forwards. Just as I promised Duncan I would.”

If I had tears left to shed, my cheeks would’ve been sodden. “There will come a time when I must face it alone, what will I do then without you being there to comfort me?”

I craved his response. Although I’d heard it before, I needed it repeated to me as my motivation to carry on. Selfishly, I needed to hear it. And I was nothing but the king of being selfish.

“You will have Duncan, and that will bring me peace.”

It was both what I longed to hear, and wasn’t. “Why do you do this, Erix?”

“Because it is my duty. You, Robin Icethorn, are my duty.” What about Duncan? I dared not say the question aloud, not that I needed to. Because Erix sensed it and added a final line to his answer. “And I promised Duncan to look after you. I do this for him, as much as I do it for you.”

That was all I needed to hear. It snapped me out of my stupor, enough for me to turn on my heel and leave his room.

Erix didn’t call out for me, nor did he chase after me. He let me leave, didn’t attempt to stop me closing the door and solidifying the boundary line between us, the one I had almost crossed.