Page 16 of A Game of Monsters (Realm of Fey #4)

I sank beneath the warm water of my bath, hoping the scalding heat would cleanse some of the sinful thoughts plaguing me. But alas, they were so deep there was nothing in this realm that would abolish them.

Dried rose petals floated around me, the blessed scent of mint and camomile seeping in the mist that danced from the water’s surface. I sank lower until the lower half of my face was submerged, my head resting on the curved lip of the tub. As the water slipped over my mouth, I conjured an image of Erix. Perhaps it was my tired mind, or something else, but my thoughts were fixed on him. Instantly, heat uncoiled in my groin. I ached against it, grasping the lip of the tub just to stop myself from reaching down and grasping my length.

Guilt melted seamlessly with desire. There wasn’t one without the other when he was near.

Erix clouded my mind. There was no amount of water that could cleanse my skin of him, or dispel the scent of cedar and cinnamon from my nose. Since he’d left me, I’d not stopped feeling the brush of his fingers against my cheek. The tension and ease between us.

Weak to him, I slowly uncurled my fingers, slipped my hand beneath the water and grasped my erection. I told myself that if I was quick, the shame wouldn’t last. Yet another lie. The moment my wrist began to move, tugging my hardening length, I knew there was no hope for me.

I arched my back, biting down on my lip to stifle the moan. It echoed across the stone room, dancing up the walls and into the shadowed rafters.

No matter how I tried to fill my mind with thoughts of Duncan, it was Erix who occupied it. Occasionally they would change places. Their bodies, the curves of their muscles, the proud structure of their jaws, shifting from one to the other.

It had been days without one of Duwar’s dreams, and I could conjure it as if it had been real.

My imagination had never been the best, but it was like Erix was with me physically, encouraging me with silken words and an even softer touch. Deep in the recesses of my mind I knew something was amiss, but my desire had stolen any sense of clear thought.

It took no time for the heat to fill my length, building into a pressure that could not be held back. Breathless, I cocked my head back and cried out into the barren chamber. As the milky substance burst out of me, clouds of my cum dancing in the bath waters, disturbing my reflection – the desire disappeared instantly.

What have I done?

Only after I’d pleasured myself did it feel like reality caught up. And I felt sick. Unable to think clearly. I pinched my eyes closed, blocking out the world. It was only meant to be for a moment. But between the calming scents, the languid embrace of water and the utter exhaustion plaguing my body, I found sleep welcoming me with open arms.

But no natural sleep came on so fast.

Duncan waited for me, and all thoughts of what I’d just done came flooding over me like a cold wave. I lifted my head to find I was not in the bathtub at all but surrounded by the familiar sheets of a bed. Dust clung to the air, filling my nose, and clogging my throat. As I lifted onto my elbows, I took in the old attic room of Abbott Nathanial’s church.

The same leaning ceiling, stained-glass window, boxes of scrolls and a forgotten pile of empty bottles of wine scattered across the dark, oiled floor.

“Hello, darling,” Duncan said through a yawn.

I tried to sit up, but he reached his arm up so he could draw me back down to lie on his chest. “You aren’t going yet, are you?”

“This isn’t real.” I persisted, leaning forwards, unable to deny that it actually felt very real. “If you’ve come to punish me, then you’re wasting your effort, Duwar.”

“Punish you for what, Robin?”

The question hung in the dust-heavy air.

I hunched over, aware that if I just got out of the single shared bed, the dreamscape would end.

I almost did, until Duncan spoke again.

“Stay a while. Please, do it for me.” It sounded so much like him. My Duncan. How could I refuse him? “I’ve missed you so much, these days apart. The first chance I get to see you, hold you, speak with you, and you wish to run.”

As was normal with these dreams, I knew just how real they were. A place in which Duwar could haunt me, taunt me. Although it had been days since the last, I almost welcomed this one. Even if Duwar was presenting himself as Duncan to disarm me, playing pretend was easier than facing the truth.

“I miss Duncan so much,” I replied, noticing how small my voice sounded in this space.

“Then lie with me.” He paused, fingers brushing down my spine, making me bend to his will. “ Please .”

That single word broke through my shields.

I allowed Duncan to guide me down, until my face was pressed to his bare chest, his heart beating a rhythm through my cheek. Coarse hairs itched my skin, but it wasn’t unpleasant. I missed threading fingers through them, teasing my soft touch across the divots and mounds of his muscular build.

If I simply closed my eyes, I could play pretend like my tired mind wanted me to. So, for a moment of peace, I did just that. A soft hand began to stroke the back of my head, offering me comfort.

“When will you return to me? Home isn’t the same without you, Robin. It is quiet and empty. When you are gone, I forget what I am fighting for.”

“Soon,” I mumbled, words skittering across his skin. “I will be back soon.”

“Good,” Duncan exhaled with what felt like genuine relief. “And has this time apart allowed you to come to your senses about my proposal?”

That question alone told me who was speaking.

“It has,” I replied, unable to lie whilst my skin bristled at the reality of the demon I conversed with. “I know what must be done now. I finally understand.”

Reprieve practically unfurled from Duncan’s flesh, wrapping around me just as his arms did in that moment. “Your decision will save us. Me, Erix, you. We can finally be together. Then, with my power, you can shape the world into the very image of your desires. Anything you want will be in your grasp.”

“Except that isn’t what Duncan wants,” I said, finally accepting that I knew who I truly spoke with. “You speak on what you believe I desire, but you are grasping at crumbling straws.”

“Just as you think I do not know your desires, how can you speak on what Duncan wants if you too are not in his mind, his body?” Duwar purred. His faked warmth of Duncan’s skin faded, his skin turning ice-cold to the touch. “He understands that to love you, he must accept all of you. That even includes everything you had before him.”

“Stop speaking to me as if the tongue you use has free will,” I snapped, but my body was immobile.

“Robin, you need this. You know you do, more so than ever. Have you not uncovered dangers that lurk in the shadows that you once mistook for light?”

“And what is this exactly?” I asked, refusing to peel away and see the face of the god who looked down at me. I knew Duncan was no longer here, he never had been. But I could still pretend.

“A chance at life.”

“And you, God of Ruin, can offer that to me?”

Duwar’s laugh slithered over me, uncomfortable as the scales of a serpent constricting around my throat. “I am power, Robin, as I have told you over and over. I alone can offer you whatever you desire. If that is a life with Duncan and Erix, so be it. As long as you give yourself to me, the rest will fall into your open hands freely. This moment can be real, as real as the one you almost shared with Erix last night.”

I stiffened, breath catching. “Nothing happened between us.”

“No, perhaps not. But I see all. Through reflections, even in a body of water,” Duwar said, their voice blending back in with Duncan’s dulcet tones. It was in that moment I knew the sexual desire that arose in me during waking was not natural. Had I let my guard slip, complicit because I thought the room had no mirrors when, in fact, I was bathing in one made of water? Duwar’s control, its power, was written all over my deceit, and yet that didn’t dampen the guilt I felt toward Duncan.

“Think carefully,” Duwar continued. “Why else did Duncan arrange for you both to be together again? That was his doing alone. Because even Duncan knows, for success, you need him as much as I need you. Erix is the strength you need to make the right decision. For Duncan, for Wychwood and Durmain. Do not let my power fall into the hands of those who would abuse it. Not again.”

No one will ever get this power again.

“Promises of the very creature who wishes to defile this world. Not of Duncan.”

“When will you learn? I am Duncan, he is me. An improved version of myself. Until you see the truth I am trying to show you, I suppose you can simmer in your distrust. Whether you believe me or not, I am only trying to help you.” The hand upon the back of my head continued to brush back and forth. “It’s clear to me now that you still aren’t asking the right questions.”

“About?” I choked.

Duncan’s hand movement paused. “You understand that Altar kept the keys to my imprisoned state for his future gain, but why do the Creator’s children vow to protect them? Because they knew, in time, they would need me too.”

It was unsaid, but I knew Duwar spoke of the Nephilim.

“For what, the destruction of the world as we know it?” I bristled, longing to pull away but not daring to make the slightest movement. Because something in what Duncan had just said struck true.

Why did Altar make keys?

Duwar dove into my mind, took the question I thought and answered it.

“I have pondered why myself, during my time kept away. I can imagine they knew there was something I could offer them, like the power they fought over in the first place. A power only I had access to. Perhaps even a fresh start, if required. I am all but a tool to use. Either accept that, or maybe another will in your place.”

“I hear the threat in your words,” I accused, no longer wanting to play this game of pretend. I pushed upwards and swung my legs over the bed, ready to leave this dreamscape.

“Was it not you who said that you do not threaten, Robin Icethorn. Only promise?”

I turned back to look at the body on the bed, to find the soft face of Duncan staring up at me with tired, verdant eyes. It looked like him, sounded like him. Even as his fingers brushed my bare skin, it felt as much like Duncan as he always had.

“Trust no one,” he said, a glint of what looked like sadness in his eyes.

“Including you?” I asked.

His smile was sheepish, flickering at the corners of his mouth. The small vision of the real Duncan faded as fast as it came. “Everyone has something they want in this world. A motive. The same goes for the game of gods. Altar and the Creator both desired power, enough of it that it started a war between monsters. Altar stole me from my peace, used me and then discarded me. The Creator went to war over me. And yet, they still kept a tether to me, just in case the game changed, and I was required.”

“I have no wish to be a pawn for you to use. I’m not like the gods.”

“But you could be,” Duwar said, pouting subtly. “If you accept me – when you accept this power, you could be greater than any god the realms have seen before.”

“I wish I could trust you,” I said, eyes burning with the promise of more tears. “But I have seen what you are capable of.”

“And you only focus on the pain I have been used to cause, not the beauty of life that I showed you I could achieve–”

A scene flashed in the dark of my mind. Of vines and roots sprouting out of cold, dead earth, wrapping around the ruins of my castle. How they crept over stone, covering the ruin left behind in flowers so vibrant it took my breath away.

“Convenient tricks,” I said. “A rose is beautiful, but it still has thorns.”

“And yet it is still beautiful, as you said.” Duncan pouted, his stomach flexing with far too many muscles to count. “Robin, even Altar knew my capabilities and used me to make his beloved children. The Creator was jealous. Ask yourself, will you be the one to use my power to create a paradise, or will your hesitance allow for other hands to take me?”

Slowly, Duncan leaned back with his arms behind his head and closed his eyes, peaceful.

“There will be no other hands that ever get the chance to touch you,” I said.

“Are you sure?”

Although I knew my answer, I still shot Duncan a look, knowing the monster under his skin was watching. “You’ll just have to wait a couple more days to find out.”

As I rested my feet on the floor, I banished myself from the dream.

I came to, thrusting up out of the bath my sleeping body had fully slipped beneath. Coughing up water, I clutched the side of the tub for support, willing myself to steady my breathing. All the while, I heard the echo of Duwar’s reply in my mind, as clear as day.

“I only hope you have the days to spare.”