Page 3 of A Game of Monsters (Realm of Fey #4)

I melted into the silk sheets, luxuriating as Duncan eased two fingers into my arse, all whilst Erix simultaneously twisted his tongue around my nipple. My back arched, my breath heavy with lust. There were so many hands, mouths, gazes, tongues and attentions. Duncan drew his forest-green gaze down over me, whilst Erix looked up from his devouring with eyes the hue of a newly forged blade. I couldn’t begin to focus on who was doing what to my body, as the tide of pleasure swept me away.

I was a feast for them. A banquet. A sweet piece of fruit for these two men to take bites out of, sucking the juices of enjoyment from my core. And I would willingly let them.

Both of them could take me, have me, touch me, kiss me.

I reached down to Erix, my arms slow and heavy. As my fingers touched his chin, his pale leathery wings twitch from anticipation. With a guiding hand, I tilted his head up, bringing him away from my raised nipple. I didn’t need to look at it to see the swollen pink peak and lightly bruised skin around it.

“Erix,” I breathed, desperate and needy. “My Erix.”

“Yes, little bird?” he replied.

Duncan continued his tender movement inside of me, his two calloused fingers stretching me, preparing me. He watched as I shared the moment with my royal guard, smiling with acceptance and equal enjoyment.

I didn’t want to say the words building inside of me, but I had to. “I – I know you’re not real.”

Like the shattering of glass thrown against a wall, the atmosphere changed. It always did, although this was the longest I’d ever allowed the dream to go on for.

“Yes, he is real. At least it can be if you only ask,” Duncan sang, removing himself from my entrance, then shifting positions until he was sitting behind me. Too fluid, too easy. My head rested in his lap. My Hunter propping up my head, my guard leaning over my leg, holding them down.

This isn’t real.

“Say the word, my love,” Duncan continued, brushing damp strands of hair from my forehead. “Give me what I need, and you will have access to everything you have ever desired.”

“Liar.” I pinched my eyes closed, trying to regain composure.

“You know I do not lie to you, darling. Now, give me what I want.”

“No.” I snapped, tears falling down my cheeks. “I won’t.”

Duwar was getting desperate. Using my weakness to make me equally desperate as well. Poisoning my dreams had become their favourite tactic, and I was quickly weakening to it.

The dreamscape shifted frantically. Both men held me down on the bed with firm hands. The silk sheets had transformed to slithering vipers, wrapping around my limbs and keeping me from moving.

“Don’t you want me, Robin?” Erix asked, his voice drawn out and sad. “When you came for me today, I saw it in your eyes. You called for me, so I came.”

I refused to answer, not that I needed to. Duncan answered for me. Except the voice was not the deep rasp I’d fallen in love with, but the shadow-shuddering tone of the demon inside of him. “Robin does want you, Erix. You occupy his mind. Desires, needs, wants… everything I could give him if he only accepted my–”

I bolted upright in the reading chair, the knitted blanket falling over my knees and spreading across the floor at my feet. It wasn’t the type of waking that was slow and steady. My consciousness had kicked me out of the nightmare, lungs breathless, my body clammy with sweat. And yet, as I stared at the far side of the room, where the single bed waited, my body could still feel those phantom hands on it. My fingers lifted subconsciously to my chest, testing the tender nipple beneath my loose tunic, delighting and hating how real it felt.

“Another one of your nightmares, darling?” The question came from a hoarse voice from the direction of the bed. It was weak, pained almost, as if each word hurt to speak aloud.

I lifted my gaze and locked eyes with the man before me. Or what was left of the man I had known. A shell of a person, close to death and yet clinging on.

Duncan Rackley.

Every day it was becoming harder to recognise him. Once-bright green eyes had leached of the colour, leaving behind pale pools. Dark shadows hung beneath those eyes, his face sunken and pale. The scar off his eye looked angry and sore, like a fresh wound, instead of one that had been inflicted years before I’d ever met him.

“Sorry,” I gasped, rubbing a hand over my mouth. “I didn’t realise I’d fallen asleep.” I stretched my arms out, feigning some normalcy when nothing about my life was normal. “You should’ve woken me up.”

“I like to see you sleeping,” Duncan said, weak smile tickling at the corners of his cracked mouth. “You need to rest as well as I do. Maybe even more so.”

“That’s a logic I could argue,” I replied, hands trembling in my lap. “How are you feeling today?”

“Tired,” Duncan announced, monotone, forcing a smile that never reached his eyes. “Fucking exhausted, actually.”

The numb ache in my back told me I’d been out for longer than I had wanted. I don’t even remember when I had closed my eyes. One moment I’d taken my seat, waiting for Duncan to wake for his morning dosage of Gardineum, then in the next moment I was being devoured by two men in my dreams.

I’d learned that it was better not to speak of the dreams to Duncan. It would either upset him, or lure the demon out… that was if Duwar wasn’t already the one I was speaking to.

I stood from my chair, throwing myself into action instead of dwelling on the dream… nightmare.

“You need to eat something,” I said, sweeping my eyes over the cold bowl of oats I’d made last night. The full pitcher of water was beside it. “It will give you some energy and–”

“I’m not hungry,” Duncan interrupted.

“You say that every morning, and yet you still need to eat.”

Duncan didn’t refuse me again, not as I began our haunting routine. I shut my mind off from emotions and charged forwards with what I had to do. Spoon-feeding Duncan whilst his eyes never left me, lifting the cup to his lips to wash down the cold gruel. Sometimes he resisted, vomiting up the mouthfuls or fighting against me. But other times, like today, he let me do it until the bowl and pitcher were empty.

It was hard to know if he was in control because Duwar was weak, or if he was in control because Duwar wanted me to think he was himself, just to control me in return.

I cleaned the corners of his mouth with a rag, my hand trembling.

“When will this end?” Duncan asked, voice hoarse like stone against stone. “How long will this punishment continue?”

“Soon,” I replied. “I hope.”

“I – I can’t hold on for much longer, Robin.” Tears filled his eyes, pleading cracking his tone. “Every day I try and every day I continue to fail.”

“You are doing your best.” My eyes flickered to his, unable to hold his intense gaze for longer than a few seconds. “I’m–”

“You’re killing me.”

I shook my head, knuckles white as I clasped onto the rag. “No, Duncan. I’m trying to save you. I’m – I’m doing everything I can to save you.”

“You hate me, that is why? You want me to suffer.”

Panic flared in me, white hot. “I love you, Duncan.”

“Then why do you treat me like I’m your enemy?”

I refused to cry, refused to give the demon puppet-master exactly what it wanted. “ Duwar is your enemy, not me.”

Tears loosed from Duncan’s yellow-stained eyes – of anger or sympathy, I couldn’t tell. “I hear Duwar… I see endless possibilities. You know, it shows me a beautiful world. It promises me what could be if only you–”

“Duwar lies,” I snapped. “It’s trying to trick you, weaken you. Duncan.” I choked on his name as emotion crawled up my throat. “You must continue to fight its influence. For me. Do it for me.”

Duncan closed his eyes, pinching them shut until his entire forehead creased with deep grooves. “I’m so tired, darling.”

So am I.

“Here, this will help for the time being.” I paced to the side of the bed, careful not to trip over the web of iron chains holding Duncan down. There were so many chains over him, screwed into the floorboards, entrapping him like a butterfly on a corkboard. The iron kept his fey-given magic muted, while the weight of the metal kept him from getting out of bed. Every couple of days I treated the sore spots the pressure created, but the more wounds I cared for, the more would show up.

But I couldn’t remove the chains. This was exactly the purpose I needed the iron for: imprisoning Duncan’s human body, rendering him powerless and weak. Keeping him safe… from himself.

My heart ached as it always did when I saw him in this state. It went against everything I wanted to do for Duncan. I loved him, so much that I couldn’t let him hurt himself, or anyone else.

I was keeping him safe from being hurt by the world outside this room, if they knew what had become of him.

“The Gardineum I’ve got is fresh this time. It will be easier for you to take it today, and slightly sweeter.”

“Please, Robin. No.” Duncan cried, rolling his head to the side of his worn pillow, as much as his bindings allowed. “No. No. Not… not today. I need a break. I need space for my mind to fucking work.”

I silently refused him, continuing my actions without pause as if I didn’t hear him.

If he wouldn’t drink the Gardineum, which today I knew he would fight against, then there was another option I could proceed with. Even though he refused the drug most days, no matter how I stewed it into tea and tried to make it pleasant to take, I still knew it always ended with me injecting it straight into his bloodstream.

Duncan watched me reach for the syringe in the leather bag, the glass vial swirling with the iridescent liquid Gardineum. His fate clear as day. Doing this was the only way I could keep him unconscious, his mind closed off to the demon inside of him. At least that was what I reiterated to myself to calm my guilt.

It didn’t work, it never would.

Weakened by his tired eyes, I gagged on a sob, releasing my grip on my strength. “I must do this. You know I must, Duncan. But I swear to you it will not be for much longer.” I gritted my teeth, reigning in my emotions. “I will find a solution.”

It had been Duncan who once begged this very act of me. In the few and far between moments when he was in control, he knew what I had to do to keep us all safe. But sometimes, when Duwar’s presence was louder inside of him, and more demanding, he would resist. Like today.

It was hard to know who I looked at swaddled amongst the bedsheets.

Later, when I’d leave his room, I would allow myself to break. But not in front of him. Never in front of him. Showing weakness to Duncan wasn’t my worry – it was the demon that was always searching for something to use against me.

Hence the dreams. Nightmares conjured to taunt me, to wear me down. But the one Duwar had just offered me seemed stronger than before. Perhaps seeing Erix yesterday had opened old wounds, revealed how I really felt – how I could still feel his kiss across my chest, his hands around my wrists.

Nightmares, Duncan called them, and yet they felt completely different.

If only Duwar had worked out that there was nothing more he could use against me. The demon-god had taken my heart, my home, my life, and left me surrounded by ruin.

I pushed on the syringe, squirting out a little liquid from the needle, ensuring there were no air bubbles that would enter Duncan’s bloodstream and kill him.

“Robin, please. Don’t do this to me. I beg you.” Duncan continued to thrash in his bed, screaming bloody murder as I leaned over and brought the tip to his neck. His free hands grappled with me, trying to stop me, but despite the demon inside of him, his physical body was weak.

I couldn’t bring myself to strap his arms down. I worried if I made him completely immobile, he’d wake one day thirsty or hungry and be unable to help himself. But it was becoming more and more difficult to convince myself to allow him a little freedom.

Duncan’s neck was bruised, black and blue. As were his arms, the inside of his thigh and every place where I’d injected him. I’d rotate what vein I’d administer the injection depending on his cooperation. Today, I needed somewhere quick and accessible.

His neck would do.

The vein I’d entered was raised and sore, with barely days between to heal properly.

This was torture. For him, as well as me. Duncan was crying like a child, until his struggling suddenly ceased. Tears continued to trace down his cheeks, soaking the pillow. But something was different, like the feral part of him had been severed. His eyes locked with mine. Although he no longer spoke, the plea in his stare was louder than any screaming or shouting could’ve been.

“It’s me, darling.” He bored his gaze into me, plea evident in every line in his face. “I promise you, it’s me. You think I’m trying to trick you into believing me, but I’m not.”

Still, I couldn’t know which reaction was his and which was the demon trying to control me. I could trust nothing when it came to him.

“Duwar is corrupting you, Duncan,” I replied as I emptied the Gardineum into his bloodstream with ease. “You know it, as do I. Everything I’m doing is because you told me to do so. Do you remember?”

“I do.” There was something detached about his reply, a signal to who was really controlling this conversation. “I regret the day those requests left my lips.”

On the bedside table was a handheld mirror. It was the only one I’d kept with me – every other mirror in Imeria had been destroyed. I hadn’t seen my own reflection in so long I was forgetting what I looked like.

I reached for it, holding the glass aloft so it caught the profile of Duncan’s reflection. I held my breath, scared of what I would find in the mirror’s surface. Would it be him, my Duncan, or the monster using him as a vessel – a puppet?

I didn’t need to look properly to see the flash of brimstone and fire. The glowing red eyes and horns of a devil. It was more common than not that I saw the demon and not the man I loved in his reflection. Proving my worries right, justifying my terrible actions against Duncan – or what was left of him.

This calmness, this person conversing with me was not Duncan at all.

I dropped the mirror, hands shaking as urgency propelled me. “Nice try, Duwar. You almost had me.”

Duncan’s sobs stopped, then he smiled up at me, flashing teeth behind cracked lips. “Why do you continue to punish me when I can give you everything you’ve ever dreamed about, Robin Icethorn?”

Ignoring the demon’s taunt, I looked deep into Duncan’s eyes and hoped he could hear me. “I’m sorry, Duncan.” I sank my teeth into my lower lip until I tasted blood. My hand barely shook anymore. “For all of this.”

“But are you?” Duwar asked with a stolen voice. “Are you really sorry? Or is that just something you keep telling yourself to make your refusal of my offer worth it? Is your apology a way of you justifying this torture when there is no need for it?”

I kept myself still, not pausing for a second as I withdrew the emptied syringe. “I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to do what is right. That is what I’m apologising for.”

“You can be strong, if you finally accept me.”

I shook my head. “I’m referring to killing you. Destroying you.”

It would be easy, one slip of the hand, a few bubbles of air injected into a vein. This suffering, this torture, this threat – it would be over once and for all. But it was Duncan’s life tangled in this web, and I couldn’t just throw it away. Not until each and every path was exhausted for solutions.

Duwar didn’t reply to me straight away. Instead, he watched me with adoration and abhorrence swirling as one in those lifeless eyes of his. He blinked, and when he opened his eyes again, I knew the man I loved was back in control.

“Then you must kill me, Robin.”

I lifted the mirror again and confirmed that Duwar had left me to deal with the repercussions of my angered retort. It was Duncan’s face in the reflection, fleeting, but him nevertheless. “You can finish this. Do what is required and end me. Please .”

Endless days of these injections, and the same amount of times I heard that plea. Kill me. Sometimes it was a demand, a command. Other times Duncan would plead with me, begging like a child wanting a new toy. Kill me, damn you. Kill me, please. Kill me, save me . No matter how he said it, no matter the tone or pitch of his voice, it hurt all the same. It never changed.

Neither did my answer.

“I can’t.”

Because killing him might take Duwar along within him, or it might not. I wouldn’t risk losing him for nothing, if Duwar’s presence would only find a new way to linger on.

“Duncan is dying anyway,” he said, although Duncan’s voice no longer his own. The tug and pull between Duncan and the demon becoming frantic and fast. “This body is not made for me. You can either kill him, or I will. But Duncan will die, unless you accept me.”

“Fuck. You.” I seethed until my throat ached, my control finally snapping.

“Coward,” Duwar hissed, wide eyed, lips cracking until blood seeped over his teeth. His face screwed up as he continued his internal war for control. “I–it’s me. Robin, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Duwar is scared, it knows it will perish if I–”

Duncan bit down on his tongue until blood seeped out the gaps of his cracked lips.

“Enough,” I scolded, speaking to both man and demon.

I held his stare, refusing to look away. Did Duwar watch on, suffering as his vessel was poisoned, weakened, to a pointless and pathetic husk? “Duwar’s right. I am a coward. But damn it, Duncan, I would be a coward over and over again, if it means getting the chance to save you.”

“I don’t want to play this game anymore, Robin.” When he closed his eyes, Duncan didn’t open them again. “I’m so tired. My body is weak, my spirit shattered.”

“I know, but I need you to fight. Just a little bit longer, that’s all. You are doing everything you can, and trust me that I’m also trying to solve this, too.” I leaned down and placed a soft kiss to his forehead. His brown hair had grown enough that it spilled around the pillow like serpents. I took my time, brushing it, pretending like life was normal and he was not begging for me to kill him.

“What life is this…” Duncan said slowly, his voice tired, “if I cannot spend it by your side freely?”

A violent shiver raced over my flesh. “I’ll find a way to make sure that happens.”

Duncan’s eyes fluttered open for a brief moment. The deep grooves of tension across his forehead had eased, his dark brows relaxed as the poison worked its magic. “I know you don’t believe me, but this power could save the world.”

Duncan was believing the demon’s own lies. They were one and the same, minds and intentions blending.

I ran my hand down the side of his face. “You know, deep down, that those promises are lies meant to manipulate us. Duwar is bad. You are good. Fight it. Remember yourself. Do it for me.”

“I’m trying.” Duncan fought against sleep but was quickly losing. “But Robin… You need…”

“You,” I answered for him. “I need you. Remember, Duwar is not the solution to this problem, but the cause–”

“No,” Duncan snapped alert, using the little dregs of energy left. “Listen to me. When I’m gone, you will need… Erix .”

More words I’d heard, over and over.

I was unable to form a reply. With steady hands, I placed the instrument of torture back in its case. Numb to my core, I stopped at the chair, folded the blanket like I did every morning and made a move to exit the room.

I came to a halt at the door. When I turned back to face Duncan, I did the same action I’d been doing whilst this ordeal had begun. I locked my gaze with his where he continued to watch me. Then I lifted my finger to my eye, then pointed above my heart before gesturing to where Duncan lay.

I love you. Words I couldn’t speak aloud because how could I dare utter them after the way I treated him?

Duncan, with weak trembling hands, copied my action. Pointing to his eye, then to his heart and then finally lifting his hand toward me, as much as the chains allowed him to do.

I love you.

I sank my teeth into my lower lip, turned on my heel and left. I didn’t turn back again, not until the door was closed, separating me from the room, from my love. My Duncan. That’s when the trembling began. It started in my fingers as I locked the door. Then my legs, forcing me to inch down to the floor where I gathered myself into a ball and began to rock back and forth.

If I had tears left to cry, my cheeks would have been wet. But alas, I had cried out rivers, lakes and oceans, leaving me hollow inside.

Unable to face the life before me, or what I’d just left behind, I buried my head into my knees and focused on breathing. It was a challenge, sorting my thoughts into an order I could focus on.

I stopped only when I heard confident footsteps ahead of me. But no one should’ve been here at this time, let alone in this side of the castle.

Panicked that someone was too close to my secret, I snapped my head up.

Eroan shouldn’t have come here. He wasn’t due to visit Imeria for another six days, and beyond that, he was banned from venturing this far into my castle. Everyone was. Jesibel never left the gatehouse I’d given her, with the garden she worked tirelessly to grow, in the perpetual silence her trauma had locked her within.

Then who?

Ready to scorn the visitor for ignoring my command, I laid my eyes on the man standing at the end of the hallway ahead of me.

When I’m gone, you will need… Erix.

And there he was, Erix, standing before me. My heart thumped into my throat as I took in the reality that he was mere feet away. His eyes drank me in, bright silver, flaying my flesh until he could see bone. And when he spoke, words sharp as the blade, his tone was as welcoming as soft hands.

“Little bird, I came. I am here.”

His cheeks were flushed, his chest rising and falling as if he was breathless. Clearly, Erix had rushed here, panic settling in every flicker of his gaze.

But why?

I’d gone weeks without seeing him, and in the space of a day, this was the second time Erix stood before me. But unlike yesterday, his presence was exactly what I wanted. “ Why ?” I scrambled to stand, keeping my back to Duncan’s bedroom door. “You shouldn’t be here!”

Erix’s eyes fell on the door behind me as if he knew the dark secret I harboured inside. When he levelled his silver gaze back on me, I could’ve willingly drowned in it.

“You called for me, little bird,” Erix said. “So, I came.”

Was this some manifestation from Duwar, a punishment for my thoughts? Those where the same words Erix had said in my dream. Unable to face the phantom of him, I buried my face back in my hands and chanted.

“You’re not real. You’re not real. You’re – not – real!”

I fell back to the ground, thumping my fists against my temple, wishing to banish this illusion. I didn’t stop until the very tangible, very warm embrace of arms folded around me. Erix knelt, dragging me into him, melding his body with mine. He rested his chin on the top of my head and released a sigh that mirrored the exhaustion I felt. “I’m very real, and I’m here. I have got you, little bird, and I swear no demands from a king will make me turn away. Not this time. Nor ever again.”

I drew back enough to look at him through tear-filled eyes. “But you need to leave. You shouldn’t be here, Erix. It isn’t–”

Isn’t what? Safe, fair? Neither seemed like the right answer.

“You’re wrong, so very wrong.” Erix ran a hand down my cheek, his thumb brushing the tears that stained them. “I should have been here for you a long time ago but my own fear of facing the past has kept me heeled like a dog.”

“Please, just go.” I pushed against his hard chest, but he was as unmoving as a rock in a river.

“I’ve told you. No.” Erix’s eyes then flitted to the door behind me again and asked a question that stabbed into my core. “Is Duncan inside that room?”

My silence was answer enough.

Erix gathered me back in his arms, laid his chin on top of my head and folded his wings around us. Then he said something I’d hoped for, but never expected to hear. “I think it’s time we talk about what happened in Duwar’s realm. Then you can tell me what has happened since we survived it. Deal?”

My blood thrummed through my body, ice clashing inside of me, a storm I could barely hold back. But when I looked into Erix’s calming eyes, I knew I couldn’t refuse him. “You already told me nothing happened…”

“I lied, to protect you, but I fear it has only had the opposite effect.”

Deep down I already knew he’d lied, but hearing it aloud was enough to break me out of my frantic behaviour.

I took a full breath in, clearing the cobwebs of my forced solitary confinement.

“Deal,” I said, wondering if Erix’s secrets could solve the issue of my own. “I need to know everything. To save him.”

“To save Duncan?” Erix asked, but I could tell he already had worked out the answer.

“Yes, but not only him,” I replied. “To save us all.”