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Phillip

By Monday morning,I was regretting all my life’s choices.

Well, that wasn’t strictly true.That implied I hadn’t regretted everything I’d done before this past weekend.I did.Only this weekend was even worse.

Jeremy told me that he considered me a friend.Offered to walk with me, even though he was, I was quite certain, supposed to be running.Had invited me over to watch a movie with him.

What had I done?Run like a scared child.Like the child I was, deep down inside.

My psychiatrist in Los Angeles had talked to me about unresolved childhood trauma.

I’d brushed her off.

She’d talked about more-recent trauma.My highly dysfunctional relationship with Hank.

I’d scoffed.

Because I hadn’t wanted to do the work.Hadn’t wanted to tie my horrible childhood to the destructive relationship—my one and only—or to my eventual suicide attempt.Those just felt like connections I hadn’t been capable of making.

And now, just about the nicest man I’d ever met told me that he saw me as a friend.

So what did I do?I ran yet again.

Dr.Martin, in our first meeting, hadn’t asked me to tackle any of that.He’d simply given me the agreed-upon task of going to the library and taking Wally for a walk every day.Nothing too onerous.Then to return on Wednesday and report back.

I wasn’t under any illusions, however, that things would remain so simple.So superficial.I’d top-lined some of my life in rural Oregon.More importantly, he had my medical records from LA.

He’d undoubtedly push me to go deeper.I had no doubts he’d read the reports from my LA shrink.I had no question that she’d shared everything with him that I’d wound up saying to her.

Doozies.

All of them.

Now, I sat at my kitchen table and listened to my little buddy snore gently.We’d done a long walk this morning.Instead of heading south after leaving the house, I’d pointed us north.

For something different.

Jordan had talked about keeping Wally engaged and exposing him to new locations and smells.

Or something like that.So we’d headed in a new direction, and I’d carefully taken us on a trip that would get us home after one-and-a-half miles.A quarter more than yesterday.To my delight, I’d figured out how to use the maps app on my phone.Now I enjoyed planning out walks.

Tomorrow we’d do more.Every day, we’d add a few more steps.Go a little bit farther.

Wally loved our walks.Given he’d never left the backyard of his old home for his entire life, I could only imagine what the world looked like to him.He seemed to be settling in, but both Dr.Louisa and Arthur warned me that he’d only feel truly settled after about three months.Was that the length of time before he forgot his previous life?Or was that the time he’d need to trust me?

I intended to earn that trust.

My phone buzzed.

I frowned.The number was vaguely familiar…oh shit.I answered immediately.“Hello?”

“Phillip?”

“Hello, Mrs.Condley.”If I hadn’t recognized the number, I’d have recognized her voice.Old, but strong.“What can I do for you?”

“You can come by today and pick up the rest of your stuff.The real estate agent is sticking the sign on the lawn tomorrow.”

“Uh…you’re selling the house?”