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I nodded.

“I’m on call this weekend, so if you need me, don’t hesitate to reach out.You’ve also got the list of emergency numbers to call?”

The ones that include the suicide hotline?I nodded again.“Yeah, I’ve got everything.”

“Great.”He finally rose.“Let’s get you scheduled with Dr.Martin.”

I wanted to argue.I didn’t want to start fresh with a new psychiatrist.Haven’t I done enough already?Except my shrink in LA had said she’d only write one more script.Since even I knew I wasn’t ready to go off the meds, I understood the direness of my situation.“Yeah.Okay.”

“Great.In fact, why don’t I make it right now?Do you want to get out your calendar?”

“Only to mark the date.I don’t have a single thing booked.”I might’ve mumbled that response.

“Yet.”Anthony smiled.“That will change.Didn’t you say something about Jordan the trainer coming over?”

“Uh, yeah.”I’d shared that right off the bat at our meeting—to prove I was interacting with people.Of course he’d remember.

He put the phone to his ear.

I sort of tuned it all out.

“Cancellation?Friday at nine am?”He met my gaze.

I nodded.Then I yanked my new phone from my back pocket of my jeans, opened the calendar app, and made a note.I set an alarm for eight that morning.Hopefully all those reminders would get me wherever I was going.Gaynor Beach was so small that I could walk just about anywhere.

Well, that might’ve been an exaggeration—although not much.

“That’s great.His name is Phillip Kaye.I’ll fax over a referral this afternoon with his previous provider’s contacts and a signed release.Thanks, Violet.”He hung up the phone and met my gaze.

In turn, I held up mine to indicate I had the appointment noted.

“Dr.Martin’s office is in the Gaynor Beach hospital.Will you be able to figure that out?It’s not too far…”

“I’ll figure it out.”

“I can arrange a ride or money for a cab?—”

“I’ll figure it out.”I might’ve said that with more force than was strictly necessary.

“Of course you will.”He cocked his head.“I have every faith in you, Phillip.But I’m here to make things easier for you.So you can succeed.”

“What does success even look like?”

Anthony started to sit again.

I waved him off.“A conversation I should have with Dr.Martin, right?”

“That’s a very sensible idea.”

“And you probably have to go.”Part of me wanted him to go, and the rest of me wanted him to stay.I reallywaslonely.

“Keep my number handy.Enjoy your time with Jordan tomorrow, and be as honest as you can with Dr.Martin.”

“Uh, sure.”I fidgeted.

He held my gaze.“I should probably tell you that Dr.Martin is Black.”

Oh Jesus.“I don’t care.Truly.Just because my mother was a white supremacist and I grew up with her, doesn’t mean I subscribe to her ideology.I don’t.”And yet you picked a boyfriend with the same tendencies.What does that say about you?Yeah, my inner voice could be an accurate bitch.