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“How long do you have?”

“An hour today, unless you really need more.I won’t push you out if you have to get stuff off your chest.”

I doubted that was true.Psychiatrists were always busy.Still, I’d promised Anthony I’d do my best, and that meant being honest with the man who possessed truly kind eyes.

"I want to tell you, but I can't.I'm not ready."

"That's okay.We have lots of days ahead.What would you feel comfortable discussing?Maybe how it felt to arrive in LA at college from your small town?"

“It’s a long story…but I’ll try to keep it brief.”

Yeah, like that was possible.

Chapter6

Jeremy

I loved my sister.

I loved my nibblets.

I loved my neighbor’s dog.

I even loved chaos.

Which was a damned good thing because as Wally played with Raphael and Thaddeus, general insanity ensued.

I’d assumed Wally would be placid.Would just want to sleep on his bed.I’d even fashioned stairs for him so he could mount them and sleep on the couch.

Raphael and Thaddeus had strict instructions to leave the dog alone.Give the little guy time to settle.

Wow, had I ever been wrong on every account.

When Marcie and her crew arrived, Wally had barked excitedly and turned little circles in obvious delight.When we moved en masse to the solarium at the back of my house, Wally was the first to pounce on the toys I’d placed around for the kids.As if to sayI know you’re here to play—so let’s play!

And they had.

Even Raphael, who tended to be shy around the unfamiliar, broke out of their shell and got down on the ground to…accept doggie kisses?Give doggie hugs?My nibblet was all about tactile sensory experiences—once they settled into their space.Today they’d only removed their sandals and shorts.Their underwear was still in place.

“A win.”Marcie clinked her glass of iced tea with mine as we sat in wicker chairs and watched the general merriment..

I knew what she meant.Raphael was free spirited.I called them my nibblet because I didn’t want to misgender them.Most kids weren’t strident about their gender at five.At least from what I’d seen.Raphael was.They were nonbinary in a way I could only begin to understand.Sometimes they wanted frilly dresses.Sometimes the choice was dungarees.Most of the time they chose a long T-shirt and underwear—when they were required to wear clothes.Any fabric could set off their sensory overload.Marcie let Raphael run around naked in the house with the understanding they had to wear clothes when they left the house or when guests came over.

That edict had garnered many, many, many meltdowns.Still, my nibblet had so far survived a special-needs preschool and was now in full-day kindergarten.

Linda, the owner, had been respectful of Raphael and only ever used their full name.The owner had instructed her staff that kids were no longer to be separated by genders or praised asgood boys and girls.Everyone had a name, and the teachers were going to use them, along with collectives like “kids” or “peeps” or “friends”.

Some parents applauded.Some parents misgendered Raphael intentionally.Okay, one bitch, who’d been told off by two other parents.Marcie hadn’t even had the chance to intervene.Two parents threw a very public shit-fit and pulled their children from the preschool only to find they weren’t welcomed at the other ones in town either.Seemed people talked.Should the kids suffer because of their parents’ prejudices?Will they learn those same attitudes and carry them for life?I just didn’t know.But hurting genderfluid children ranked high on my list of sins.

Kindergarten this year proved a bit harder, but Raphael survived.

Mr.Thorncliffe had a way of respecting Raphael.Understanding them.Giving them space to thrive.He used their gender-neutral pronouns.

Just like I did.

Hence nibblet.

Many people didn’t understand.