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“I don’t feel clever.”

“Because you don’t, I think, have a true sense of who you are.You’ve never truly been free from other’s expectations.People who haven’t had your best interests at heart.”

“Jeremy has my best interests at heart.”I said the words with absolute conviction.“But what if I’m making a mistake, staying with him?”

“A very good question to ask yourself.”

“Can you know after a week?That you’re in love?That you can honestly see yourself spending the rest of your life with them?That you trust them and know they’ll care for you?I fancied myself in love with Hank.But I didn’t feel one one-hundredth the way I feel with Jeremy.It’s like… Fated sounds ridiculous.”

Dr.Martin smiled.“I met my wife while doing a rotation at an LA hospital.I knew the first moment we spoke.Not her beauty, although she was stunning.No, it was her sense of humor despite a career-ending injury.Her boundless enthusiasm and curiosity.The hardscrabble life she’d lived.How she’d channeled poverty into her art and then, eventually into being a wife and mother.”He closed his eyes briefly.“I don’t talk about her often with patients.Because we’re not here to talk about me.But I will share this final tidbit—I felt the same way about my husband.I’d been a widower for five years.I was raising three beautiful daughters.My life was full to the brim.

“Then I met Zed, and I let some things go to make room for him in my life.In our lives.I knew.I just knew.And I don’t have a single regret.Not one.Someone from the outside might think we rushed things.Not me.He slotted into our lives as if he was always meant to be there.And, for the record, he does a lot of the childcare work.Shares that with me.I trust him with my daughters.Just like, if Marcie’s offering you a job, she likely trusts her kids with you.”Gently, he eased Wally off his lap and onto mine.“He’s a great dog.You’re a great person.”

“You think I’m worthy of him?”

“Absolutely.And, from what I’ve seen, I think he’s worthy of you.But it’s okay not to settle on the first man you meet.It’s okay to not settle at all.Jeremy has offered shelter and friendship.It’s okay if that’s all you’re ready for at the moment.”

We parted ways soon after, leaving me with a lot to think about.As I hustled Wally and myself home, gray clouds moved in from over the Pacific.Summer rainstorms were rare, but they could be fierce.I definitely wanted to be home before the rains came.

Home.

I liked the sound of that.

Chapter26

Jeremy

All eveningI’d watched Phillip smile.

Marcie had invited us over and had me join her on a walk around the block with Wally on the pretense of wanting to discuss something very important.

Manipulative twit.

She wanted Phillip to have more alone time with the nibblets.To see if his enthusiasm waned as he faced two irritable kids who hadn’t slept well the night before.Not for a discernable reason—they just had refused bed and, as a result, were too cranky for their own good.

Phillip grinned.He played cards with Raphael and built a fort using sheets and the couch with Thaddeus.We left them alone for an hour and returned to find the house a bit of a disaster and two kids fast asleep.

Marcie was thrilled as she registered Phillip for the class at the rec center and also handed him a folio of everything she thought he might need.

He promised to read it all over, and since Marcie already had a gig this weekend, and Darren was still in San Diego, Phillip and I would be sharing the babysitting duties at their house for that time.

Fingers crossed Andreas actually behaved while in Vancouver.At least for the weekend.I didnotwant to have to ditch Phillip and fly up there to get my client out of trouble.

“Why do you keep looking at me?”Phillip attempted a mock glare.

And failed miserably as that glare turned into a grin.

“Because I find you…enchanting.Like I just want to bask in your glow.You haven’t stopped smiling all night.”

He inched closer to me on the couch—the movie we’d chosen long forgotten.“Because it’s so exciting.That I’m going to be taking care of the kids.That Marcie can go back to doing what she loves and I’m part of helping her.That I’ll have a real job.My first since the filling station nearly ten years ago.I’m going to be part of something bigger than myself.That’s…”

“Powerful?”

“Yeah, it kind of is.”

“I remember the first time Marcie placed Raphael in my arms.The love I felt for that baby.And the sheer terror.My sister was trusting me literally with her firstborn.And she’s always been such a great mother.Fierce when she needs to be—to protect them, of course.But also willing to let them go out and make their own mistakes.Within reason.She’s just, kind of like the opposite of a helicopter parent.But not quite free range either.”

“Oh God, I could imagine what Raphael would get up to if they were free range.”