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Again, a nod.He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know.

“Yeah.”He winced.“When Hank left, I didn’t have any way to pay the rent.And I really didn’t care.So I spent the little bit of money he left on junk food and just sort of…” He shrugged.“I wasn’t thinking more than five minutes ahead at a time.My phone got cut off.Eventually the internet and cable were gone.And I just didn’t care.”

He blinked.

“Then one day the landlady showed up.She said I had a day to clear out.”He bit his lower lip.“The next morning I took every pill in the house.All of them.I didn’t know what half of them were.I didn’t care.Just swallowed the whole lot, climbed into bed, and reassured myself it would all be over soon.”

My heart seized.In a way this news shocked me.In other ways, it made perfect sense.

“Obviously, I didn’t die.My landlady found me, called an ambulance, and the rest you know.Did I deliberately wait until morning so she might find me?I don’t know.Maybe I didn’t want to die.It sure felt like I did at the time.And then I was in a hospital, under psychiatric care, and getting the help I’d needed for most of my life but never had access to.Eventually, I was ready to be discharged.With meds and a social worker willing to add me to his caseload in a small town away from all the bad memories.Negative associations.I mean, I still need the drugs.Thank God I had them with me and I didn’t lose them in the fire.I guess I would’ve coped…”

“We’d have found a pharmacy to fill the prescription.Contingencies exist for that.”

“I figured.”He held my gaze.“What I didn’t see coming was you.Tripping over my rescue dog.Making me feel alive for the first time in my life.Giving me hope.Accepting me as I am.”

With great difficulty, I held myself still.Pain was etched all over his face, and I wanted to badly to take it away.To reassure him.To comfort him.

“Somewhere along the line, I realized I was glad I hadn’t died.And that walking away from my pasts in Oregon and LA were good things.Gaynor Beach gave me a fresh start.People offered friendship.”He gazed up at me through his lashes.“Someone offered me more.”

My turn.Don’t fuck this up.“I didn’t see you coming either.I’ve been living the bachelor life for years.A couple of short-term relationships.A bunch of dates.Some hookups…” I scrunched my nose.“Some really nice guys, to be sure.Just no one who captured either my imagination or my heart.No one who made me sayyes, I’ll change my life for him.Even when Marcie and Darren married, I was never jealous of them.I didn’t want what they had.Didn’t need it.And then I met you.”

He blinked.

“Yeah.Like a lightning strike.My world irrevocably changed in a nanosecond.And yes, for me, the attraction was immediate.Your eyes are this amazing shade of green.Your tousled hair is adorable.I found you sexy.”

He tried to look away.

I gently grasped his chin and guided his gaze back to me.“I told you that.I like guys of every size.Whether you stay the same as you are now or lose a bit of weight to be healthier, I honestly don’t care.”I considered.“No, that’s not true.I want you healthy.I want you to be here a damn long time.So you do whatever you need to.”

“My blood sugar is high, and my cholesterol worries my doctor.”

“Then we focus on the things we can control.I’m getting up in age.”

“You’re thirty-nine and run marathons.”

“And my knees might give out.I might break an ankle.I might eventually develop angina like my dad.All those things are in my future.Some less probable than others.I’m almost a generation older than you, Phillip.That’s a lot.”

“I don’t care.”He ran his fingers through my beard and scratched my chin.“I find silver sexy.”

My mind rebelled because I didn’t like the idea of getting old.Well, I didn’t embrace it.I had so many things left that I wanted to do.

He tapped my forehead.“You’re frowning.Please don’t frown.Because I’ve now told you the worst of it.”

I blinked.“You did.”

“And you’re still here.”

“I am.”

“So now I get to tell you about how this stunningly attractive sexy older man stumbled over my dog, and how I was the one who fell head over heels.”He smiled tentatively.“I didn’t think I was ever going to try any form of a relationship again.Four years of… whatever that was… should’ve inoculated me against older men with big promises.”

I winced.

“But you haven’t made big empty promises.You’ve promised me safety.You’ve promised me respect.And you’ve given me those.You’ve offered me a space in your life without you having to make a lot of changes.I like that idea.I’ve never wanted to be a burden.I thought what I wanted was to make my way in the world alone.You’ve shown me that it’s okay to have a partner.”

“An equal partner,” I interjected.

His eyes widened.