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‘We used to sing. When we first arrived. Quite the camaraderie here,’ Cupcake joked. But a bitter tone to his voice gave away his true feelings. This man hadn’t given up; he was pissed off. He wanted to be free.
I wandered into camp the next morning. Mary clocked me first, and then Precious and Kali. The mothers looked at me and the feeling seemed to spread until there was a moment when every person in the camp turned and acknowledged me. But not with a smile or a hand raise – they looked at me as though I were an outsider. And I felt it. Not only in the brief, nothing looks, but it was in the air. It was all around us. I knew that something had shifted. My lack of time in the camp had been noted.
I remembered how Clara used to disappear so often in the mornings, and the argument she had with Avril. Avril must have known she had got close to Cupcake, and I could already see how that had happened. Had she been planning on setting him free? Had Avril got wind of this? I couldn’t think the thought, let alone consider putting any sort of plan into action. I had to consider my own safety. And not this uncomfortable feeling in camp; maybe it was time I considered a way to get myself out of there.
‘I hope you’ll be playing by the rules.’ Kali’s words came back to me. I was supposed to keep an eye on things down there. Not get cosy with them. But already I could see what Clara had seen, why she had wanted to spend so much time in Camp Z. Cupcake was an alluring character. And the more I considered him and the situation, the more doubts I had about why he was there.
‘Missed you last night,’ Avril said, a hint of something in her voice that didn’t sound as though I had been in her thoughts in a good way.
‘I was tired.’
‘Have you been to Camp Z?’
‘I checked on them again last night.’
‘You only need to go once a day. Give them their food and water rations,’ she said as though I should know all this information.
‘Right okay, I’ll start that as of today.’
She looked thoughtful. ‘And Adi, he...’ I hadn’t mentioned to Avril that Cupcake had been holding on to Adi when I had arrived the day before yesterday. Already I knew I didn’t want to make things worse for him.
I told her he had been caught in the mimosa bush.
‘Did you see him?’ Avril sounded concerned.
‘I didn’t,’ I said and she seemed okay with this.
‘We should get those cut back a bit maybe.’ She looked thoughtful. ‘If it’s worth it,’ she mumbled afterwards, and I didn’t ask her what she meant by that.
I wanted to get away, to get up to Camp Z, and as it was first thing my duties were to feed and water them. After a fitful night’s sleep I knew I needed some straight answers. Someone had to tell me the truth, and I had a feeling it could be Cupcake.
I ate breakfast with the camp. James and his friend weren’t anywhere to be seen and I presumed they were still sleeping. I hoped they were still sleeping. There was a sullen feeling over breakfast, and it seeped into my veins. I didn’t like it, and I was glad when I could excuse myself and go back to my cabin and open another page of the journal before heading to Camp Z.
Journal entry
I am feeling sad. I am feeling sick. I know what is wrong with me, but I can’t talk about it with anyone. I heard there is a witchdoctor on the next island; they help with all sorts of problems, and maybe they could help me with my problem. Maybe they could make it go away for good and then I can carry on with island life as if nothing ever happened. I just need to find the confidence to go. It’s a short trip of about an hour, but what if something went wrong? What if I didn’t come back? I couldn’t risk my life. I can’t even call home, I can only imagine what they will have to say. I wish I could just talk to someone about this. I am held here by the ties I have. I will forever be bound by this one act.
44
THEN
Ula had a child. Was that why she had been banished? It made no sense when there were two mothers on the island. And where was Ula’s child now?
Hester had told me that Adi had been abandoned by his mother. Had Ula abandoned Adi?
It was so sad that the two of them were separated, that both were missing out on parenting and being parented. Was it the pregnancy and birth that had driven her mad?
I took time to check on every man in Camp Z later that morning. I gave them water from the rain canister and gave them the rations I had been sent with. It was measly and pathetic. Some fruit and bread. But I took time to try and talk to each man. It wasn’t unpleasant, but I didn’t enjoy it. I passed them their food through the small hatch and enough water to get them through the day. Some of them spoke tome with pleasantries; others barely raised their heads, their spirits crushed.
I began to notice a similarity to the men. Firstly in age. They were all between twenty-five and forty. And the way they looked. Despite the weathered outer coat of their skin and the way their hair was matted, a few of them had teeth missing now, but it was easy enough for me to see that if they received a good scrub and a haircut, most of them would be pretty easy on the eye. They were all roughly the same height, with a similar shade of light-coloured hair. And I couldn’t deny that Cupcake had a certain look about him too. Is that why the men were here, because of the way they had looked? Did they all remind Avril of a certain man who had hurt her? It seemed as though the answers were all offering themselves to me but I would need some confirmation from Cupcake.
‘I don’t know what to think about all of this, but I have some doubts.’
Cupcake looked intrigued as I passed him the bread, fruit and water.
‘Okay, doubts about who?’
‘Avril,’ I said quietly in case someone was lurking in the bushes and might report back what they had heard.