Page 83

I keep my hands on him, not wanting to let go. I put one on his jaw and spread my thumb across his cheek.

“Sorry,” he mutters, like he’d accidentally fallen asleep during a movie.

“I got you,” I whisper, looking into his bloodshot eyes, bordered by tear-speckled lashes. “You know I got you, right?”

Bottom lip quivering, he says, “Thanks.”

“You don’t need to be anything, Row. Just yourself. I got you.”

“I just… I wish I could be more like you.”

I exhale something close to a chuckle. “That’s funny, since for half my life, all I’ve wanted was to be more like you.”

“You don’t wanna be like me, Tommy. Trust me.”

“I do trust you. Do you trust me?”

After a moment, Rowan nods, sealed lips moving like he’s chewing on the inside on them.

I smooth my palm past his ear and through his short hair. “Do you want to be with me?”

“Of course,” he whispers.

“Then, you got me. I’m yours, Row. For real.”

Eyes welling with fresh tears, Rowan whimpers, “I can’t.”

“Shh.” I take his face in both my hands. “It’s okay. Nothing’s gonna change right now. You’re still you, and I’m still me. We’re gonna do the same shit we’ve been doing until you’re ready to do more. Right now, we’re gonna switch spots, and I’m gonna drive us to the nearest Dairy Queen for ice cream, because I know that’s gonna cheer you up, and it’s gonna make me feel a hell of a lot better after you made me eat that salad.”

Rowan smiles and murmurs, “I like salad.”

“I like your ass, but I don’t make you eat it.”

His smile widens, and on that note, I slip out of the car and round the hood as Rowan pops open his door. As soon as he’s standing, he surprises me by circling his arms around my waist and laying his cheek on my shoulder. Right here, between the Legacy and a white Ford F-150, Rowan hugs me in the daytime hours, and I hug him back. I even touch a kiss to the side of his head. Risky, but he doesn’t push me away.

Even when Rowan lets go, he feels closer to me than ever.

21

Tommy

When Friday night rolls around, I surprise Rowan by not inflicting a fancy, overpriced dinner on him. Instead, I take him to the movie theater to watch something I’d never get away with taking Mav to. There will be some violence, some sex, and hopefully some good quality filmmaking. What I’m most looking forward to, though, is spending the evening with…my boyfriend?

It’s still up in the air, but regardless, we’re together, and that’s the most important thing.

Tommy and Rowan, leveling up. When I swing by his house to pick him up, I’m more excited than I ever was showing up for a date with Lese or any of the girls before her. I’m in my chino joggers and a denim jacket, trying to look good but casual. Rowan climbs into my truck wearing his tight black jeans and a velour tee with a fucking chain around his neck. As soon as his dreamy eyes are on me, it takes everything in me not to pounce.

At the theater, I pay for everything from the tickets to the sodas and nachos. Rowan teases me for that, saying I shouldn’t be spending all my allowance on junk food. Such a jokester.

We pick two seats toward the back, fifteen minutes early to showtime. The screen is still projecting ads for TV shows and more junk food.

“You know,” Rowan begins in a low voice as he fits his soda in his cupholder, “I heard that going to the movies is the worst thing to do on a first date. Both people are just sitting in a dark room, silent and not looking at each other or talking about anything for two hours.”

“Hmm.” I move my soda to the other cupholder so I can lift the armrest that separates us. “I don’t know. Sounds like a good baby step to me.”

I turn my palm up in the sliver of space between our legs, and as soon as Rowan shifts our nachos onto his lap, he lays his land on mine and lets me lace our fingers together. I look sideways and catch him smiling toward the giant screen.

“All of your steps are baby steps,” he whispers, “because you’re my baby boy.”