Page 133

“Or I could even be a sports trainer. Work for a pro team one day.”

“I think that’d be perfect,” Rowan says, laying his hand over mine. “Whatever you decide to do, you’ll be perfect.”

“I’ll figure it out.We’llfigure it out.” I send another glance sideways, and Rowan’s smile matches his hopeful tone, nodding in agreement.

This is the first time we’ve really talked about our future, other than me half-joking about getting married when I’m fuck-drunk and Rowan telling me to knock it off. Come to realize Rowan’s been thinking about this a lot. About where he’ll end up, where we’ll end up, and how he’s going to make it happen. How he’s going to keep the Tommy and Rowan show on the air for good.

After our celebratory lunch, I kiss Rowan goodbye outside the Olive Garden and promise to call him tonight. As much as I love “family time” with Rowan’s crew, I promised Mav I’d take him to the movies tonight to see some kiddie Christmas thing he won’t quit talking about. Now that the future is becoming more defined, I need to spend as many moments with Mav as possible while we’re still living in the same city.

Assoon as I get in the door, he’s cheering. Excited that I’m home in time for the movie, I think, but then he shouts, “I saw you and Rowan on the TV!”

“You watched the draft?” I snatch Mav up and swing him around like a rag doll until he’s cackling and Ma is shouting at me to be careful. I set him on his feet, and he reaches out his arms like he’s a zombie, swaying through his dizziness.

“Is Rowan famous now?” Mav asks.

“Nah, not famous. He just worked really hard and got a big promotion. Maybe he’ll be famous one day. Might even see him on the front of a cereal box.”

Coming out of the kitchen with a plate and dishtowel in her hands, Ma says, “They’ve been talking about him on the news.”

“What? Why?” I don’t watch the news. Too bleak, but I’m not a cave dweller. My mind manages to guess what Ma’s talking about before she explains.

“A lot of people think it sends the wrong message, drafting a man who is…you know.”

“Who isgay,”I state.

“Not only that, but making a big fuss about it. Putting him on camera like that, on ESPN, talking about how he’s the first openly gay kid to be drafted, as if that makes him more valuable than those other kids. You being there didn’t help, holding his hand like that and making it so obvious. People are talking about you too—”

“I don’t care what people say about me, and Rowanismore valuable, because he’s the best. He earned what he got despite being gay, not because of it. Whatever comments people have, positive or negative, it doesn’t matter. He deserves a spotlight for his accomplishments, and he deserves to sit with the people who love him. I want it to be obvious I love him, because I do.”

“Don’t fight!” Mav whines, throwing his arms around my legs.

Ma turns around with a heavy eye roll, but she stops short of the kitchen and flips around for a second round. “So you’re perfectly fine with everyone seeing you as nothing more than one of those alphabet-salad people?”

I scoff, finally tossing my keys on the coffee table and dropping my overnight bag on the floor. “I don’t even know what that means.”

“That video is going to be online forever,” she says. “All anyone has to do is Google your name, and there pops a video of you holding hands with a man. A man you’re probably not going to still be with a year from now. Any employer you have after this is going to see it. Anyone you try to date is going to see it—”

“Stop talking.” I shrug Mav off because I can’t linger in the same space as my mother for one second longer.

In my room, I start a text to Rowan, but I delete every word before sending it. The last thing Rowan needs is to hear how homophobes on the news are criticizing him after the most significant achievement of his life.

I flop onto my bed and hug a pillow to my chest. Just when I start thinking Ma is coming around, she changes course like the wind, more concerned with what bigoted talking heads think than what her own son is going through.

San Jose.

I keep my mind settled on that until the anger washes away and I feel good again.

When there’s a tapping at my door, I nearly convince myself it’s Ma coming to apologize, but it’s Erica who slinks in and shuts the door behind her. “Hey. I can take Mav to the movie if you’re not up to it.”

“No,no. I’ll take him.” I check my phone. “If we leave in fifteen minutes, we’ll still be there in time for the trailers.”

Erica nods and toes out of her slippers.

I roll over and make space for her on the vacant side of my bed. Taking the pillow from my arms, she tucks it under her head and turns to face me.

“How’re you feeling?” I ask, noticing the bags under her eyes.

“Like shit,” she mumbles, eyelids drooping like she could fall asleep at any moment. “Managed to shower, though. When I got out, Maverick said something about you and Mom fighting.”